To not speak when not being addressed

[FaFoutis]

If you were with two other people, say Mary and Bob, and Mary said 'Bob' at the end of every remark would you assume she was addressing Bob and not you?

No other cues either. Mary doesn't particularly look at either you or Bob when talking.

AIBU to not speak when Mary says 'Bob' at the end of every remark?

Change your name to Bob?

That's worth a try Curiouser. It would test whether she is being deliberately rude at least.
It would involve me rising above though, I'll have to get better at that.

I would address all your comments to Bob too.

Mary - Its a nice day isn't it Bob?
Bob - Mumble
You - Don't you think it's a bit colder than yesterday Bob?
Bob -

Actually, I like Chaz's idea

I have to see them, Bob likes the DC and we don't have much family.

I might just try that Chaz, but I would need to be a couple of wines up. Wouldn't that end in war with Bob in the middle?

I suspect Mary will just carry on regardless because she just habitually comments to Bob, she isn't really having a conversation with him because she continues even if he gives a non-commital response. She isn't talking to him, she is talking at him.

How often do these exchanges turn into a proper conversation between them?

God this would really annoy me if I was Bob, never mind if I was you.

I'd be like STOP SAYIMG MY FUCKING NAME

True, there isnt much proper conversation between them. When I'm there anyway.

I have tried seeing it as habit but I keep getting offended by it. So two methods to try:

1. Nice : Answer Mary even when addressed to Bob.
2. Nasty: Address all my comments to Bob.

Do what Chaz says.

Poor Bob. But then it is his fault too because he doesn't stop her.

What I'm wondering is why are you hanging out with two people, one of whom doesn't really speak and the other never addresses you? Duty or dubious pleasure? And if you don't speak, don't they notice? And isn't it v quiet aside from Mary going on?

If they are a couple and older I would presume decades of habit have led Mary to subconsciously tack "Bob" on the end of everything in the same way some people say "hun" :o She may not even notice she's doing it and expect you to answer as well if you have anything to say.

Family, Asking, I don't have much choice really. They don't seem to notice that I don't speak much.

It almost be better if she did say "hun", at least you could see that as person-neutral.

Ok, then I have two suggestions. One - you dominate the conversation and ask them/Mary (at least she likes chatting) lots of questions and witter to your heart's content. They might even enjoy it. Two - you just bring a book or read something on your phone while Bob and Mary hang out with the kids.

Did you imply that Mary doesn't really like the children btw?

Who are these people that you have no choice about being with them? They're not your children are they? Let me guess.... Bob doesn't say much because he's 6 months old.

(TBH I think you don't much like Mary, and I can't say I blame you.)

Yanbu, I've had this. It sucks. I would get Mary back big time by also only addressing Bob, though. Which may start to send Bob a bit doolally after a time, but its really on him to sort Mary out and stop her being a bitch.

You guessed it Asking! I'm very polite and pleasant to her though.

She pretends to like the DC so that is enough for me.

Mary is a senior nurse, god help us all. Bob is an adult.

Thank you Cherry! I hoped someone would say they have experienced this. I spend the whole trip home from visiting Bob & Mary asking my DH 'Am I imagining this?' 'Am I overreacting?'

DH thinks she is just nasty but I can't understand why she would be.

Not helping your situation OP, but it was a constant source of near-murderous rage in me when dd was a baby and people would talk to me through her, e.g. 'Haven't you got lovely eyes, then?' Of course, I would look rude if I said nothing, but the comment was clearly addressed to the one month old child, not to me!

I thought Mary was a goldfish

That would have explained everything.

I'm going to put in a guess that this is actually Uncle Bob and Auntie Mary. Or possibly Grandad Bob and Step-Grandma Mary.

Oh your husband is there too? How does he cope?

Years ago I got on the wrong side of an adult (I was 11) and ever since whenever we've had the misfortune to meet, she has always pointedly spoken to whoever I'm with, carefully referring to them by name at the end of each sentence just so I knew she still wasn't speaking to me. By the time I was 15, I decided it was hilarious and she was being ridiculously childish.

So it could be something like that or it could just be an ingrained pattern. (for some reason I'm seeing her as Hyacinth Bucket with poor Richard)

How bizarre. Please do what chaz says

What happens when there's a fourth person (e.g. your dh?) in the mix? Does she still just address Bob only?

When Bob grunts back and then there's a silence, I'd be inclined to say "Well, do you want to know what I think Mary? (No pause at all) I think the flowers are lovely but they could do with a bit more greenery. Have you seen the flowers down in such-and such a place? Have you seen them Bob? Etc etc

Gosh, I don't know what happened there but total italics fail