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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really concerned about my in-laws dog biting my DD?

100 replies

MrsTargaeryan · 10/11/2015 09:29

Good morning,
AIBU to be really angry in retrospect (it's really festering!) at the situation that arose this last weekend? It went like this: my DP and I, with our DD (2yo), went to stay for a night with his parents. They have a young dog, a few months old. It nips at everyone, which isn't great, but I can put up with that since it's only a puppy really. What really upset me was, the morning after we stayed over, I got up and went downstairs really early with my DD. No other adults were up, but of course the dog was. When I made my DD some toast to eat, she dropped it and the dog got it. I tried to get it back from the dog, but it just kept running off so I left it. I started washing up. Then I heard snarling and crying, turned around and the dog had obviously had a go at my DD when she had tried to get her toast back - she was crying and shrinking away from the dog, as you would expect after a fright like that, and there were clear bite marks on her arms that had drawn a small amount of blood.
AIBU to be so upset? I told my MIL about it when she got up, and she was sorry, but what I'm worried about is that this is going to be a long term problem - the dog seems to think it's above my DD in the pecking order and I don't really know how to rectify that. We visit maybe 3 times a year so I have no input in how the dog is trained. This is the first time I've seen the dog, and I get the strong impression that it's a sort of child-substitute. Has anyone else had a problem like this? Any ideas on how to handle it? Phew, sorry, that was a long winded post!

OP posts:

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 10/11/2015 10:18

Well, I'm relieved to hear you weren't planning on giving it back to your DD. I'm just amazed it wasn't devoured by the time you started washing up. Toast is gone in a single gulp, when offered to the HoundsOfTheSheep...

Costacoffeeplease · 10/11/2015 10:29

Your title doesn't explain it's a pup, who had food, and the toddler was trying to take it off him. 'In laws dog biting my dd' sounds like an unprovoked attack by an older dog, totally different situation

By turning your back, they were unsupervised, anything could have happened whether he had food or not, your daughter could have grabbed the pup, pulled his ears/tail etc and if he had actually bitten her he'd have got all the blame, unfairly

Your child, your responsibility, know exactly what she's doing around the pup at all times, and teach her how to approach the pup, and how to leave him alone

Hatethis22 · 10/11/2015 10:31

A dog's relationship with other dogs is different to the outmoded 'pack theory' that humans need to show dominance to be seen as the alpha.

Hatethis22 · 10/11/2015 10:33

If it's very young it might be so overjoyed at having the toast that eating it comes after prancing and playing with it. My very grown up dog still does this with new foods. He lay on his side and barked at a raspberry for a while

mrsplum2015 · 10/11/2015 10:36

Totally echo the others. No way should a dog / child be in a position to argue over food. If a child drops food near the dog they need to be taught to leave it, similarly if the dog is eating the child needs to stay away. The dog's instinct is to take food.

If you don't want these situations to arise shut the dog out until the child is finished eating.

ifyoulikepinacolada · 10/11/2015 10:39

I think the OP has had a rough enough time on this thread now? She's obviously not that familiar with dogs, she made a mistake, she's accepted it and won't let it happen again.

For future reference OP, if it's chocolate, onions, garlic or grape seeds/raisins, it's very dangerous for the dog. A bit of toast won't do them any harm although i can understand why you were a bit worried!

As the dog grows up s/he (it?! Really?!) will calm down, and your dd will have a better understanding of how to behave. There's been no long term harm done so best to chalk this up to experience and in the nicest possible way, get over it.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 10/11/2015 10:42

I am a bit surprised by the responses tbh. When I was a child, I was around dogs that ha what I considered normal training, meaning that they were trained not to guard food against humans. You could literally pick their bowls from under them and they would let you do it.

Did the guidelines change or what?

CocktailQueen · 10/11/2015 10:47

Puppies need to be trained right from the start not to nip - because 'cute' 'nipping' soon turns into not very cute biting. Could you encourage your in-laws to do that?

Glad your dd is all right.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 10/11/2015 10:48

It's a pup.

Waltermittythesequel · 10/11/2015 11:06

OP has said she was at fault.

What's with the pile on?

Inertia · 10/11/2015 11:14

I think you've been given a hard time on this thread too. Of course you must closely supervise children and dogs together, but surely it's not acceptable for a dog to bite; what if the dog had picked up food which would harm it such as grapes and someone tried to take the food away- would the biting be acceptable then?

In your shoes I would ask for the dog to be in a gated room while you are there with your child, unless there is a second person available to closely supervise the dog while you supervise your child.

Dowser · 10/11/2015 11:37

Don't beat yourself up op, like you said you were in the same room and I like you am not experienced with dogs.....oh if we only lived in a perfect world.

Two of my children were both badly bitten by dogs, one severely do.

When I was pregnant with my first child I was angry and horrified at my Pil getting a dog....an Alsatian no less.

As I said both my children were horrifically bitten by a dog but this was not the dog that bit them. This dog never laid a tooth on them. My mums happy chihuahua gave them all little nips as it was trying to protecting my dad...go figure.

The ones that bit my children were pub dogs. One bit my daughter on the face and narrowly missed her eye . She was 18 months. The other was a Rottweiler and took a chunk out of my sons leg and ate it. He was 10.

We can only do our best as parents. It would be nice to think we could protect our children every minute and second of the day but sadly life isn't like that.

Dowser · 10/11/2015 11:39

Happy dog? No...happy dog!

Dowser · 10/11/2015 11:40

Yappy..ffs!

Bunnyhipsdontliegrl · 10/11/2015 11:53

It's one of the first things I remember my mother taught me. leave the dog alone when he's eating or he will bite you!

You need to supervise your daughter when there is an animal in the room. Sorry.

Bunnyhipsdontliegrl · 10/11/2015 11:54

Oops, sorry, I opened this thread earlier and only answered now. Ididn't see all the answers

Cirsium · 10/11/2015 11:55

Get some pressure fit stair gates to use in doorways when you are at GPs so you can separate puppy and DD as needed. You get folding ones to travel with and can pick them up fairly cheaply on gumtree/nearly new sales. We often shut our dog out of the kitchen when 9-month-old DD is eating, not because he resource guards, he is a soft Staffie and would let her take anything from him (we stop her), but because she likes to give him food over the edge of her high chair.

PurpleThermalsNowItsWinter · 10/11/2015 11:59

Just to say never leave a child alone with a dog. Also remember your dd will grow up and be able to give the dog orders/control it. I have a big dog (old English mastiff) and watching him sit when my now 4yr old dd demands he sit is amusing. He has however, growled at both my DC when I have been in the kitchen with him, both times involved them trying to sneak their leftovers into his food bowl whilst he was eating and they have been raised from birth to never go near a dog when it's eating.
But ultimately, he would just rather lick them and let them stroke him than attack.
I do have issues with dogs being treated as babies rather than a pet. MIL dog is shut out by myself (she's too scared as he growls at her when she tries to remove him from the room) as he would bite my dc. No- one is allowed affection from MIL except him and his place is on the settee next to her. You're just going to have to watch the situation and the training to determine how the puppy will turn out.

Abraid2 · 10/11/2015 12:26

The op didn't leave them alone on the room-- she turned her back. She did not go out of the room.

spondulix · 10/11/2015 12:54

OP sorry you're getting a roasting. Seems to be par for the course on MN these days, lots of finger pointing and sanctimony.

Hopefully your ILs will train the dog and it will be better behaved next time.

Original poster

MrsTargaeryan · 10/11/2015 12:59

Thanks everyone, I've got a greater perspective on the incident now, so I'm glad I brought it up here to find out whether or not I was being unreasonable to be so upset and angry - obviously I was. I will just suck it up and keep my DD away from the dog whenever there's food about from now on. Those that have tried to defend me, thank you, that's very kind. I can accept that I made a mistake though, so a bit of a verbal bashing is something I can live with even if I don't like it.
Dowser that's terrible! I'm sorry that your children and you went through those horrible experiences, no matter what the circumstances surrounding the biting were.
"Am I being unreasonable to be concerned that my DD was bitten by my parents-in-laws puppy (roughly 5 months old), who had gotten hold of the toast my DD was eating previously and wouldn't drop, when I had my back turned in the same room as child and dog?" Seemed a bit long for a thread title CostaCoffee, I thought the message underneath was where the main bulk of the information went.
The puppy is in training, so I will ask my PIL to bring food guarding up with the trainer, thank you - I wouldn't have known what to term it before starting this thread

OP posts:

OliviaDunham · 10/11/2015 13:03

Puppy needs to be taught the "leave it" command, I can't see that youve said how old puppy is though. It's not puppy's fault it's not been taught the command yet - this could be pils fault or simply puppy isn't old enough to have grasped it yet.

Don't judge the dog by this incident- I've had dogs since DS3 was 1 year old and have never had any problems. You also need to teach DD about behaving around dogs.

Costacoffeeplease · 10/11/2015 13:03

Yes it would have been a bit long - unnecessarily so.

As I said, the inference was an unprovoked attack by a dog, which is not the case at all, but it does show your perspective when posting. Glad you've taken on board the comments

Waltermittythesequel · 10/11/2015 13:04

Costa, just because you assumed that doesn't mean everyone did.

Costacoffeeplease · 10/11/2015 13:05

Hopefully your ILs will train the dog and it will be better behaved next time.

Hopefully the op and her daughter will also behave better too

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