To wish my sister would stop trying to force her child to be an extrovert

[DieRosen]

My 16 year old niece is a quiet girl, very musical, and plays with a youth orchestra. The orchestra rehearses one night a week and on Saturday afternoons. My niece loves it and is very friendly with two of the other members. They sometimes go to concerts on a Friday or Saturday evening and often call to each others houses to watch DVDs.

However my DSis is always complaining to me that she's too serious for her age, should be going to parties and discos, more interested in make up etc. DSis is a very outgoing person and as a teenager was a real party girl, hung around with a big gang in school, and was never at home on a Saturday night. She used to slag me off because I was more of an introvert, had a small circle of friends (including a couple of my cousins) and just didn't like parties or hanging around the park at night in a big gang.

My niece seems perfectly happy and well adjusted (and does occasionally go to discos with school friends) and I hate to see my sister nagging her to go out more or commenting, in front of me, about the fact that she's 'lolling around the house on a weekend night when everyone else is out enjoying themselves'.

AIBU to think it's wrong and quiet cruel to try and force an introvert to become an extrovert?

Well, OP, obviously as you state it in your OP your sister is being unreasonable. However, I'd say that as the girl's mother she will have her best interests at heart and will also know her quite a lot better than you do, and frankly most mother-daughter relationships are quite a bit more complex than your post suggests. So tbh I'd hold off from slagging off her parenting, though by all means put your point of view to her if the topic comes up (but remember that it is just that - a point of view). Just concentrate on your relationship with your niece, who I'm sure will benefit from your respect for her.

I am also an extremely introverted person, and I do think that it is important for people who are very quiet and shy to learn to socialise and get along with people. I definitely had to learn to do this over many years, and am in many ways still learning. I'm not saying that this is what your sister is doing, or that she is doing it in the right way (not enough info to tell either of these things), but her having concern for her daughter's social integration does not necessarily mean that she does not also appreciate her strengths. I think that, reading between the lines, you had quite a tough time growing up with your sister. But remember that your niece is not you, and your sister will not see her as 'another you'.