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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by my friends lack of acknowledgement of my wedding?

43 replies

Spikeythistle · 08/11/2015 15:20

I got married 3 months ago and had a very small wedding (immediate family only). A couple of school friends have been saying they wanted to meet up since then for a catch up as they wanted to hear all about the wedding. These are friends who I meet up with every couple of months.

So I arranged for us to go out for dinner and we spent nearly 3 hours together. Not once did they mention my wedding or even the fact that I got married!

They both have small children who were the main subject of the conversation which is fine and I want to hear about them. But to not even mention my wedding when they both said they wanted to hear about it was really odd. Since then I have actually felt quite upset by it. I was not a bridezilla before I got married and hardly mentioned it so it isn't like they are bored of me taking about it.

Am I wrong to be upset or am I thinking to much into it?

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 08/11/2015 15:24

They probably got home and thought 'shit, forgot to ask about the wedding' but you were all enjoying yourselves weren't you?

The thing about your wedding is that they weren't invited to it. Weddings that you aren't invited to are dull to hear about at the best of times. They said they wanted to hear about the wedding because that's the polite thing to do.

If you'd brought up the wedding, they'd have talked about it.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 08/11/2015 15:25

If it was a tiny wedding that you barely mentioned beforehand then I can sort of see why they didn't really mention it. It's played a pretty much non exsistant part in their lives they could have forgot or just thought you didn't want to talk about it.

Did you mention it at all?

Nanny0gg · 08/11/2015 15:33

Didn't you mention it? Or show a couple of photos?

Why wait for them?

AlwaysHope1 · 08/11/2015 15:36

Why didn't you bring it up. Tbf its 3 months gone about something they weren't invited to. It's probably old news to them and they just forgot. Like how they brought up their kids, you should have done the same.

Morsecode · 08/11/2015 16:14

Isn't it old news now after 3 months? If they are your friends and were not invited, I would have expected you to at least have sent them a slice of cake or something.

Only1scoop · 08/11/2015 16:18

They probably thought 'blimey I forgot to ask'!!

Did you have a nice eve?

Have they seen any photos?

Did you not feel comfy to bring it up?

Bailey101 · 08/11/2015 16:25

You didn't invite them, so it's not registering as a big deal to them - if you'd wanted a fuss made, surely you'd have had more guests?

Finallyonboard · 08/11/2015 16:40

They weren't invited and therefore, probably weren't interested. If you'd wanted people to be excited, you perhaps should have made it into a big deal.

Original poster
Spikeythistle · 08/11/2015 17:07

To be fair I didn't notice they hadn't mentioned it until I got home. I am not one to draw attention to myself (hence the small wedding) but I know that if I had met up with a friend who I hadn't seen since they got married I would have at least asked them about married life etc.

I'm obviously thinking to much into it. I just thought it odd that the day before in a text message they were both saying they were looking forward to hearing about the wedding and then neither of them mentioned it.

OP posts:
zebra22 · 08/11/2015 17:13

YABU they weren't invited, you didn't bring it up, you don't have any grounds to complain

Branleuse · 08/11/2015 17:56

tbh, if you didnt invite them, why would they ask. They might have thought it was awkward

lurkerspeaks · 08/11/2015 18:47

They probably got home and thought "Oh Shit".

I did that recently with a friend I hadn't seen for ages and her new house.

We were too busy catching up and gossiping that I didn't notice I'd forgotten to ask.

Original poster
Spikeythistle · 08/11/2015 19:29

Why would it be awkward? We had 10 people at our wedding. It isn't like we invited loads of people but chose not to invite them.

Thinking about it some more it isn't even the fact that they didn't mention the wedding, they didn't mention my marriage. When they had children I made a big deal out of it, got them presents and cards and made an effort when it came to that milestone in their lives. I'm not asking for presents or cards, just an acknowledgement that I got married which is a big milestone in my life.

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 08/11/2015 19:40

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that even you forgot to mention your wedding. If you forgot, then it's quite understandable that your friends also forgot too.

Don't let it spoil your friendship. Congratulations on getting married!Flowers

AngelSparks · 08/11/2015 19:44

To be honest, what can you tell them about a wedding that they will not already heard about?

Did they send a card or a present?

You had a small wedding, so not a lot of glitz and glitter. I dont mean to be flippant, but I wouldnt worry about it

AlwaysHope1 · 08/11/2015 19:46

If you forgot why did you expect them to remember?

Only1scoop · 08/11/2015 19:48

Did they send you cards?

Original poster
Spikeythistle · 08/11/2015 20:14

Nope didn't get a card from either of them.

Fine I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/11/2015 20:17

No card is pretty poor. Worse than not chatting about it. There are lots of opportunities to send a card.

Only1scoop · 08/11/2015 20:19

Strange they didn't send a card.

putcustardonit · 08/11/2015 20:22

Actually I think it's pretty rude of them TBH.
Even if they just asked to see a couple of photos on your phone or something.

Marshy · 08/11/2015 20:23

They are probably wondering why you didn't mention it!

Original poster
Spikeythistle · 08/11/2015 20:29

They were both talking about their children for most of the evening. If there had been a gap in the conversation I probably would have thought to mention the wedding but there wasn't. They both talk a lot more than me. I suppose I am pretty quiet.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 08/11/2015 20:40

You did choose not to invite them though. You chose to have no friends at your wedding, and for some people that would have been disappointing/inexplicable.

If you wanted a fuss about your marriage/wedding from your friends, you would have invited them to be there.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/11/2015 20:52

I think it's quite a big deal that you didn't invite friends to the wedding. It conveys 'we're fine by ourselves thanks, we don't need your support and good wishes on our journey together, in fact, out marriage has nothing to do with you'.

Part of what weddings do is bring together people to acknowledge your union publicly, involve them and seek their support in your married life.

I didn't realise I felt this so strongly until a friend had a tiny wedding, without acknowledgement to his friends - I thought a card announcing their marriage afterwards would have made us feel included - and it really felt as though he was saying 'I am embarking on this really important new phase of my life without you'.

Attention is not the purpose of a wedding, just a by-product of its function.