To be upset by my friends lack of acknowledgement of my wedding?

[Spikeythistle]

I got married 3 months ago and had a very small wedding (immediate family only). A couple of school friends have been saying they wanted to meet up since then for a catch up as they wanted to hear all about the wedding. These are friends who I meet up with every couple of months.

So I arranged for us to go out for dinner and we spent nearly 3 hours together. Not once did they mention my wedding or even the fact that I got married!

They both have small children who were the main subject of the conversation which is fine and I want to hear about them. But to not even mention my wedding when they both said they wanted to hear about it was really odd. Since then I have actually felt quite upset by it. I was not a bridezilla before I got married and hardly mentioned it so it isn't like they are bored of me taking about it.

Am I wrong to be upset or am I thinking to much into it?

As you didn't mention it maybe they assumed you didn't actually want to talk about it or a big fuss as you hadn't invited them in the first place.

Op only had very small intimate wedding with family.

Why would she send cards to announce it? It wasn't a secret.

I've had a couple of friends do similar. I still sent a card.

Well, depends a bit on circs but 'not a secret' is quite far from 'everybody knew it was happening, when and knew their good wishes would be welcomed.'

I do think of you wanted to include your friends in this huge step in your life, you needed to do a bit of including, one way or another.

What do you mean by "ask you about your marriage"? That would be a weird thing to ask about.

If you just had a small low key wedding then I assume you aren't the sort of person who had a big fairy princess OMG biggest day of my life EVER!!! type day, and your marriage would just be business as usual?

As a fellow small-weddinger, nothing made me more me than the " How's married life!" gush, as the answer was always "exactly the same as the last 10years".

I couldn't give a crap what people thought about my small wedding. It was what me and my husband wanted. Well actually we wanted to elope but our parents would have been devastated.

To be honest this isn't even about the wedding. If a friend of mine got married and didn't invite me, I would still show an interest. That's what being a friend is about. A wedding is a very small part of a marriage.

As I've said I'm obviously being unreasonable.

Please don't worry about it. It was a low key wedding to which they weren't invited. You said you are quiet and didn't bring the subject up. They probably thought you didn't want to talk about it.

I don't think they were uninterested or insensitive. I think they took their cue from you and talked about other things because you didn't lead the conversation back to your wedding.

I don't think I would send a card to a wedding I wasn't invited to, as I'd think it would look like I was hoping to be invited and trying to make them feel bad that I wasn't!!

Will they have seen pictures etc on Facebook?
If they've seen the pictures and sent their congratulations then they've most likely forgotten that they've not seen you since the day.

I would have asked about the wedding day, but they probably just forgot. But I always think it is a strange question - how is married life - so I wouldn't ask that. Not sure how anyone can reply to that except by saying something vague like it is wonderful, or lovely.

Um, if you couldn't give a crap what people thought about your small wedding, then why are you upset that they didn't mention it?

If you don't give a crap what people thought about your wedding, why expect them to give a crap about it? If you include people, they'll take an interest. If you exclude them, they're not going to care nearly as much.

YANBU. They were being cows.

Did they ask you about anything else i.e. your job, husband, house hunting etc?

I had this with friends recently, kind of - they got married abroad (country neither of them is affiliated to) with family and a few witnesses. Saw pics on FB. When I saw them recently I felt awkward mentioning the wedding since we'd only heard about it through FB. I wanted to congratulate them but was worried it would come across as "How was your wedding that you didn't invite us to?"

Who knows what was going through friends' heads? They may be worried about not offending you in some way.

It wouldn't occur to me to ask . It's just asking for details of a private dinner I wasn't invited to. What would you even ask? The immediate family only weddings I've been to were literally registry office plus lunch, done by people who want to be married but want no fuss. Did you get arrived somewhere exotic?

I probably wouldn't send a card if I wasn't invited to the wedding, like someone else said I'd worry it would look like I was trying to get an invitation!

I would try not to dwell on it, it's a bit odd that they didn't ask but then equally it's not like you brought it up. It's not worth losing friendships over.

married

Them talking about their children all evening sounds very very very dull. Ok for a little update but a whole evening, nightmare. Do you feel like you don't have much in common anymore?