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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I just been unreasonable?

40 replies

Weathergames · 08/11/2015 15:02

I am about to take OH and DSD1 to the train station to go home. We are leaving in 15 minutes.

I have just cooked lunch for everyone abd we've all just finished cleaning up.

DSD1 comes and asks if she can do painting (she is 10 but at the best of times I am not keen as she always manages to get paint everywhere). OH says yeah go on that's fine.

I turn to him and I'm like "seriously - we are leaving in 15 minutes and she's going to get all the painting stuff out?!" He's like "oh chill out".

He shout to DSD1 "DSD1 sorry don't get the paints out Weather says you're not allowed".

AIBU to be fucking fuming?!

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 08/11/2015 15:03

I'd be pretty narked with DH

NothingNewUnderTheSun · 08/11/2015 15:04

Of course YANBU. Sounds like DH is a bit of a child himself. It does children no harm to learn that there's a time and a place for stuff - and painting 15 minutes before going out is at neither the right time nor the right place!

werewolfinladderedtights · 08/11/2015 15:06

No I'd be pissed off at being made out to be the baddie too.
Yanbu.

HarrietSchulenberg · 08/11/2015 15:06

Of course she can do her painting, as long as dh does the whole "Stop what you're doing and tidy up" thing in 10 mins time.

Original poster
Weathergames · 08/11/2015 18:19

Thank you - this does my head him - problem is he can be so impractical I think this is due to not actually bringing up any of his children.

OP posts:
notenoughbottle · 08/11/2015 18:19

I'd tell him to do the tidying up when she has finished!

Original poster
Weathergames · 08/11/2015 18:22

There is "history" with chewing gum so I just wouldn't give it to them.

He gave her a piece in the journey up then spent 2 hours today getting it out of her hair Hmm

OP posts:
pinotblush · 08/11/2015 18:25

There is nothing wrong with saying no.

A painting activity is done when there is time.

Just tell him to keep his mouth shut unless he wants to supervise it then clean up afterwards.

pinotblush · 08/11/2015 18:27

Why did you spend the time to get it out of her hair when he gave it to her?

Why do you not make what he does his responsibility?

Original poster
Weathergames · 08/11/2015 18:27

He did get it out off her hair Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Weathergames · 08/11/2015 18:28

Of sorry

OP posts:
mintoil · 08/11/2015 18:29

I agree you are taking on too much responsibility here.

Does OH not drive? Why are you having to drive them to the station? I bet if he had sole responsibility for catching the train etc he wouldn't be so cavalier about timings?

BitOutOfPractice · 08/11/2015 18:29

I don't think yabu and I would be a bit miffed. But "fucking furious"? Bit OTT I think

Original poster
Weathergames · 08/11/2015 18:31

Furious about what he said to DSD1 - not about telling her she could paint.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 08/11/2015 18:32

Still OTT in my opinion. Sorry.

pinotblush · 08/11/2015 18:34

We reep what we sow.

If you don't say it when it happens then moan about it afterwards then it's really down to you.

Original poster
Weathergames · 08/11/2015 18:36

I did say it when it happened Confused

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 08/11/2015 18:38

Clearly you don't think you've been u do not really sure why you've asked!

Original poster
Weathergames · 08/11/2015 18:40

I don't - I was just checking Smile

Also I don't think you can really have an opinion about how someone else feels.

Feelings aren't facts.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 08/11/2015 18:42

Oooooooh Kay! So you've asked us what we think, then say we can't really know anyway!

Fine. I don't think you were being u to be s bit annoyed. It was a bit annoying. I do think you were being U to be fucking furious. Pick the bones out of that!

Original poster
Weathergames · 08/11/2015 18:45

My question wasn't AIBU to be fucking furious - my question was AIBU to think it's ridiculous to allow a child to start painting 15 mins before we are due to leave for a journey.

OP posts:
gingerboy1912 · 08/11/2015 18:49

Yanbu paints out is a rainy afternoon thing. Not a fill ten minutes thing.

AcrossthePond55 · 08/11/2015 18:54

It's never right to point a finger at one parent as the 'baddie'. If you disagree it should be kept away from the children and discussed later. And I'm the one who used to point the finger!

I probably would have told OH "Any mess is yours to clean up when we get back from the station, if you want me to do it you'll have to find alternate transportation".

I'm just being nosy, but why are you taking them? Does he ride the train home with DSD? Is that why him cleaning the mess wouldn't work?

Contrariwise, he shouldn't have said 'Weather says no'. He should have said "Oh DD, I didn't realize we were leaving so soon, better let the paints go til next time. We'll be sure you get to paint then".

Original poster
Weathergames · 08/11/2015 19:01

Well I will get flamed for this - but I drive them to the station because he has lost his licence (accumulation of points).

There is no direct route so when he comes alone he does 3 changes and a bus and I don't help but when we have the DDs I do a trip to a station 1 hour away to collect and drop them off. Which ones takes me 2 hrs.

He works 150 miles away in the same town as his DDS so comes home at weekends.

This is not really relevant to this situation though tbh.

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 08/11/2015 19:04

So if i understand this correctly. He wasnt coming home with you so you would have been left to tidy up the mess. If so then he is being unreasonable.

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