Have I just been unreasonable?

[Weathergames]

I am about to take OH and DSD1 to the train station to go home. We are leaving in 15 minutes.

I have just cooked lunch for everyone abd we've all just finished cleaning up.

DSD1 comes and asks if she can do painting (she is 10 but at the best of times I am not keen as she always manages to get paint everywhere). OH says yeah go on that's fine.

I turn to him and I'm like "seriously - we are leaving in 15 minutes and she's going to get all the painting stuff out?!" He's like "oh chill out".

He shout to DSD1 "DSD1 sorry don't get the paints out Weather says you're not allowed".

AIBU to be fucking fuming?!

No he was not coming home with me.

You'll get no flames from me. I'd probably drive them to the station, too, if children were involved in the pick up/drop off.

I think the two of you need to have a joint decision making and 'no finger pointing' discussion. Also perhaps a 'no messy activities within (set time) of leaving for the train'? I wouldn't mind picking up a game or a few toys when I got in from a 1 hour drive, but I'd be furious it I had to pick up 1000 legos, clean up paint/play-dough/food mess.

It's a two hour drive for the OP, though, isn't it?

What's he like the rest of the time, OP?

Note for the future, Weather - peanut butter is really good for getting chewing gum out of hair - I used it when someone dumped a load in ds2's hair as a 'joke'.

What's he like normally?

Is this where I let slip he's an abusive controliing arse?

He's not - he's just a normal man.

No, I didn't mean that. You said he'd never parented. You gave some examples of bad decisions he'd made with regard to his daughter. You said he works away all week. I just wondered whether he was okay normally.

Ok sorry.

Normally he needs a lot of "guidance" he has a grown up son and another daughter too.

Well first off if you referred to your dsd as "she" within her hearing but as though she wasn't actually there then i think yabu.
Your dh made an error of judgement- did you need to be sarky "seriously". Could you not have said "Guys - hate to stop you cos i know you love painting but i don't think we've got time before we need to leave. How aboutwe do that first thing next visit?"

That said your dh is an arse to do the "she says wecan't" thing and i'd be having words.
Painting with 15 mins to go is one of those so obvious it's not true things i almost forgot to comment on it. Yanbu there.

DSD1 did not hear me say "she" and hindsight is marvellous isn't it?

"seriously - we are leaving in 15 minutes and she's going to get all the painting stuff out?!"

It just sounds really confrontational and condescending. Yabu

You're right, Imperial, it is 2 hours. My mistake. And I think OP is an Ace to do that driving!

But I'd still feel the same. Throwing a few bits and pieces into a box would be OK, but I wouldn't want to come home to a huge pile or to messy stuff.

Of course yanbu, i would have said no not right now to painting if we had to leave in 15 mins, and I would be seriously fucking narked if my dp told the dc " You can't Beryl says no"
I don't see anything wrong with what you said, if my dp said that to me I would have said something like "oh shit yeah, good point, actually we haven't got time honey".
how did dsd respond ?

Right I now understand why he said that you had said no, he would be leaving all the mess to you.

The advice I would give is to have a word in private with him, keep it lighthearted but explain that you really must keep a united front when speaking to dsd.
He absolutely must not make you out to be the baddy.
Otherwise you will behave like one and he can bloody walk to the station!

Also you need to say dp 'come on we will do the dishes now'
Don't let him sit on his arse whilst you clean up after him.