To refuse to give my DD money?

[gBean]

My DD is 16 and attends college 3.5 days a week. I give her £20 a week for travel/drinks at college, pay mobile contract of £25pm and give her £20 a month pocket money.

She's going into town today with mate and wants £20 when I know she has £40 babysitting money in her room.

I've said no. She thinks IABU as she's saving the babysitting money.

My Dh has just lost his job so we are currently getting by on my part time wage with 3 dc but even if I HAD spare money, i think I'd still say no.

You are right. She has money. She uses it.
I've just got that through to my DD. It took a while!

I agree that sitting down with her and saying "we have less money coming in, so we have to make savings" is a good way forward.

Personally, I'd be looking at cutting her pocket money to £15 a month and also if it's possible to reduce the contract price of the mobile phone, to do so. (£25 a month is a hell of a lot, you can get a contract for £10-£15 a month with a reasonable allowances as long as you don't use YouTube all the time). But I appreciate that you may be locked into a contract for now.

If she wants more money, she needs to find a Saturday job.

YANBU

My friends and I traipsed round every shop in town, trying to find somewhere thT would employ 15 year olds. We all managed it, and worked all day on a Saturday to fund our drinks/clothes shopping etc. I will make sure my children grow up learning how to support themselves. Great point further upthread about her lnly going to college 3.5 days; what does she do for the other 1.5?

At 16 I'd already been working weekends for two years, was never given any pocket money, so you are certainly not bring unreasonable here. She needs a reality check I think and she needs to get proactive about finding a Saturday job.

I'd take the opportunity to give her a lesson in financial management. Say that you'd love to be able to treat her to an occasional trip to town, whip out the spreadsheet or paper & pencil and ask her to have a look at the situation as it is. Our take-home pay is x; let's list all the living expenses that we're committed to ... and so on.

At 16 she could be oblivious to the fact that rent/mortgage, council tax, insurance premiums, utilities add up so much before you've even bought so much as a loaf of bread or a light bulb. But there's no harm in enlightening her, and with a bit of luck she'll moderate her demands in future.

And to those who are asking what she does with the remaining 1.5 days - she actually has 3.5 days in which to earn a bit of money!

My DN is 17 and has two jobs and goes to college. He's saving up for a car so he spends very little of his wages to fund it.

I wouldnt give her anymore than what you do for her.

Tough it out OP; I have a similarly entitled 16 year old. She gets £80 a month from me and is constantly complaining she is skint. I just keep saying No.

She has started taking a flask of tea to college and has a Christmas job interview this afternoon, so hopefully the message is finally getting through.

Definitely needs to learn the value of money! My DSD is 17, has worked from she was 14- started of doing the counter in a takeaway one night a week, now works 12 hours a week for a high street retailer plus additional nights in a takeaway and babysitting for friends, she never asks for anything, pays her own car insurance of £150 per month and all running costs, all while working towards her a-levels. Because of this, DH & I are more than happy to help her out or treat her when there is something special she wants etc. She understands that things are tight sometimes as I've just had to leave work to be a carer for DS and would never ask or expect, in fact she is hugely generous to her two little brothers.

Your DD has a huge amount of free time if she is only in college 3.5 days a week, there are 8/12/16 hour contracts out there, it's just hard work to find one, but I would certainly be cutting out the pocket money and explaining to her that it won't be reinstated until DH gets a job and she shows genuine effort in finding a job of her own.

YANBU. I appreciate she may have studying to do but if she's only at college 3.5 days, she can easily work one day a week.

My ds got a job when he was 14 and I don't give him any money, he earns it all himself. I do pay for his phone but that is only £11pm. He packs his own lunch and drinks from home and if he wants to buy food or drink at college he pays for it himself.

My dd also worked part time at college and saved money to help with university living costs. She's in her first year and should be able to live off her savings for the whole year or, if she gets another job in her university town, it might stretch to two years.

Getting a job is great for their self esteem, to give them a sense of the value of money and of course to provide a reference for when they really need the work!

Not at all unreasonable. You are paying for all you need to.

My DD2 is also at college 3 days per week. I pay her bus fare (£5 per day) and her phone contract too. Anything else she just simply wanted would have to come from her own money (she does a morning paper round and also works Monday and Friday mornings in our local newsagent's shop).

I'm glad we are all on the same page! At her age, I worked two nights and all day Saturday and had a regular weekly babysitting job - from memory, I ended up with about £30 a week which was a LOT of money in 1990!

She does help around the house (grudgingly) but it's time for tough love. I'm going to halve her pocket money until she finds a job. I have explained to her that we are living on my part time wage and that things are tight but she needs to grow up a bit now.

I have been buying all her clothes, make up, gig tickets etc. It needs to stop. I've done her no favours with my generosity.

OP, you sound like me. When I realised that the pocket money my parents gave me (£3 a week...I was 14 and it was 1990), I got a Saturday job. Then when my expenses grew, I got a supermarket job, working a couple of evenings and all weekend. it sounds like it's time to stop subsidising her and let her learn the value of money for herself. It's a good lesson to learn; I've always been reasonably responsible with money and I'd bet you are too.

Stay strong, because she will be better off and more independent in the long term. I mowed my gp's lawn for money, from age about 11, (I didn't do a very good job, but I tried). I worked in cafes from age 14. At 16 I went to college 5 days a week, and had 2 part time jobs. My parents supported me with love, home cooked food and a roof over my head. That's more than enough, and I am very grateful to them now. Enjoying myself with shopping, nights out and gigs came from my own money. I still remember feeling very pleased with myself, when I first earned over £200 from my supermarket job. I thought "Wow! I earned that myself, and now I get to spend it on whatever I want. " I know that sounds really stupid, but it really was a great feeling.

When my DD says she wants to buy something now, I usually say "fine if you can afford it" and she is getting the message.

Somehow though, it seems to make the purchase of some things a much less attractive proposition! Odd that! I can't imagine why!

YANBU at all.
Don't pay for her clothes, makeup, social life.
That's exactly where adults cut back when money is tight.
She needs to learn how to budget: essentials first, then saving, then treats.

You can explain you and your DH are cutting back on your "pocket money," so its's only fair to also cut her current £20 p.m. pocket money.

oh god i did all sorts of jobs babysitting, washing dishes in a restaurant than whilst doing my 'Alevels i did two 8 hr shifts a week in a nursing home more in the holidays!

Go upstairs. Get £20 of her money. Go back downstairs and give it to her. She'll soon realise the value of money when she finds she's spent £20 of her own money

At 15 (never mind 16) I was working a minimum of 24 hours a week waitressing on top of school full time - more like 60 hours a week in the holidays. I paid for my driving lessons and bought my first car at 17 and moved out before I was 18. I worked throughout studying 4 A levels and paid my own way. I bought my own house at 19.

By comparison your daughter is living the life of a pampered princess.

Your welcome Gbean I hope the college can help.

OP, your DDs mobile contract seems high at £25 pm. Is that because she got a phone with it?

It's just that you can get unlimited texting, 500 minutes and 1GB data for around £10 pm (no phone).