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Original poster

Christmas - presents - too many children to buy for

44 replies

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople · 07/11/2015 14:45

I am childless and in my late 30's. As I've got older more and more of my friends have had children. I buy all those children Christmas and birthday presents. I buy for 15 children now.

The last few years I've gone with books from the Book People and spent about £5/£6 per child. I don't grudge the money but it does feel like quite a lot of hassle to distribute them etc.

Can you tell me what you do with so many children to buy for? Did you eventually stop? Do you have any ideas for low budget / easy gifts? Should I go with a gift per family maybe?

It also slightly irks me that while some friends are very grateful for the gifts and sometimes get me a token in return eg sweets, others accept gifts year after year but never think to get me anything in return (I don't have kids they can reciprocate with so they just don't bother). I realise giving is not about what you might get in return but it feels slightly uneven.

Thinking of just saying I'm stopping, but will probably not actually do that when it comes to it.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
Twindroops · 07/11/2015 14:48

I think its common to give gifts for the whole family, or stop at a certain age 10? 12? True friends wouldn't mind at all you doing either of these!

Vernonon · 07/11/2015 14:49

I would stop, or get them all a chocolate orange (£1 at Sainsbury right now). The only friends who buy my kids gifts are their godparents (though they all generously buy for the non-Godchild too). I buy for my best friend's two kids but not for anyone else's. It's too much.

Vernonon · 07/11/2015 14:49

And you don't even need to say you are stopping by the way - just stop

Differentnamesameface · 07/11/2015 14:50

Just stop. Explain to the parents that there are so many kids you buy for now, it's become cost prohibitive... or else give them a £1 chocolate each? Although you say distribution is an issue so I'd knock it on the head.

rainydaygrey · 07/11/2015 14:53

I have kids and I would certainly not expect my childfree friends to feel obliged to buy presents! One does it because she loves to (they are like grandchildren to her), the rest should spend their hard-earned money on whatever makes them happy. If it doesn't make them happy to buy gifts for my brood then I am more than accepting of that Wink

Leafitout · 07/11/2015 14:53

Arrange to meet up with them all at the pound shop. They can each pick one present. Job done.

Ragwort · 07/11/2015 15:01

Seriously stop NOW - I was childless for years and just never got into the habit of buying presents for my friends' children (unless I was Godparent).

My logic is that I would rather buy for my friend rather than their children.

When I eventually had a child (in my 40s Grin) I was rather over whelmed with the volume of presents received for my DS - very kind of people but really, who needs that number of presents?

Original poster
FedUpWithJudgementalPeople · 07/11/2015 15:14

Leaf - might be quite fun Grin

Thanks for the thoughts. Was just wondering if I'd turned into a complete scrooge.

OP posts:
Mypubesarestraight · 07/11/2015 15:17

I only buy for my kids and my nephew.

Dp gives his nieces and nephews cash.

Mypubesarestraight · 07/11/2015 15:18

Sorry I posted to soon.

Only buy the ones who are actually grateful!

gamerwidow · 07/11/2015 15:18

Either stop or buy each child a £1 selection box if you really want to buy a present. Everyone will understand that the cost has got prohibitive.

manicinsomniac · 07/11/2015 15:22

I'm the opposite to you in terms of friendship group. I was the first of my friends to have a baby nearly 13 years ago and even now there's only three of us with children and the other two are babies/toddlers. So my children had years of being the only ones and yes, they got loads of presents from my friends.

I'm always very grateful and so are my children but it is faintly embarrassing because I'm never quite sure how to reciprocate. They don't buy me a present so if I bought them one I'd worry that they would feel pressured to buy me one. But they don't have children for me to buy for. I usually just end up making sure the children write really nice, hand made thank you cards.

I have loads of children in my extended family though. But there are also loads of adults and we've never been a very presenty family so we just do a massive secret santa which includes everyone from babies to 90 year olds. Everyone gets one present worth £20-£25.

BusShelter · 07/11/2015 15:23

Blimey that's a lot to buy for. I'd just stop too. I might mention something to the parents if I saw them. Something along the lines of just to let you know I'm not getting presents for any of the kids anymore as there are too many of them and it was getting too much of a faff

You could always buy a box of chocolates type present for each family but I'd go with getting nothing and sticking to simply enjoying each other's company when you see them.

My parents have been spending quite a bit on their DGC for every birthday and Xmas. It's ridiculous. Luckily mine are the oldest and I've managed to persuade them to stop when the kids reach 18. My mum was still wanting to get a 'little something' but I reminded her that the kids loved her regardless of presents.

dementedma · 07/11/2015 15:24

I don't do it any more,and my friends don't buy for mine.
Actually, I don't buy from my nieces and nephews now either as there are 5 of them - teens to adults. Can't afford it.

knaffedoff · 07/11/2015 15:26

I don't buy for my friends children, nor would I expect to receive gifts for my dc. Stop now !

knittingwithnettles · 07/11/2015 15:31

I would stop. People will think you want to buy toys and books, because, well, some people DO like the chance to buy children' stuff around Christmas. Now that my children are older I really enjoy buying toys and children's books for younger children, and I'm sure none of them actually care whether I give them presents or not (they all get loads from other sources) It is just satisfying on some level to YOU, do it; if it is not, stop. And give some presents to us poor adults instead!!! I now love getting small frivolous xmas presents as I seem to get very few in comparison to my children Blush

Original poster
FedUpWithJudgementalPeople · 07/11/2015 15:32

This is really interesting, I thought I might get told I was being mean, honestly!

ManicInsomniac - for what it's worth I actually do really appreciate a thank you note, or when friends take the time to send me a pic of their child playing with or wearing whatever my gift is.

OP posts:
PizzaLegs23 · 07/11/2015 15:32

I currently buy for 30 children, not including my own. It's insane but I don't see it stopping any time soon

knittingwithnettles · 07/11/2015 15:34

At one point when I was childless I had 7 god children and 2 nephews to buy for. It was sooo expensive. And then it was even worse when I had children of my own more nephews and nieces and birthday parties etc to add in. I wish I had kept it much more random with the godchildren.....

MsJuniper · 07/11/2015 15:35

I do know what you mean as I have one child and most friends have two or three so it does add up. Could you send something like a chocolate lolly that would fit into a Christmas card so you can send them out easily and you are still acknowledging them?

MTWTFSS · 07/11/2015 15:35

Why not make a "night in" hamper instead for each family:

  • 1 box of biscuits
  • sachets of hot choc powder
  • DVD (from poundland)
  • packet of microwave popcorn
WipsGlitter · 07/11/2015 15:35

Just stop. I'd not bother explaining why.

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 07/11/2015 15:36

Just stop but don't randomly stop at a set age (unless its 18) - that would be far more upsetting for older siblings who see you continuing to give their younger siblings presents. Nobody will be upset or offended if you stop altogether, but if somebody gave my 8 and 4 year old presents and not my 10 year old I would wish they hadn't bothered as it would upset her although she'd try not to show it, and certainly wouldn't in front of the giver.

No presents is far, far better than a cut off which will divide siblings.

As people are not reciprocating you don't need to say anything (different if there was a mutual expectation of a 2 way exchange), just don't buy friends' children things this year - I am sure nobody expects it of a friend and most people don't do it. Generally a bit less gift giving is a good thing tbh.

miaowroar · 07/11/2015 15:37

When I retired I reduced the amount I would spend on each child (nowhere near 15 though - and I have had children of my own who have now grown up). I send money to their parents asking them to buy something they know their child will like/need.

Fifteen is far too many. I stopped my childfree friends buying for my kids after a certain age.

Either stop completely, or buy for those you are closest to - suggest money or Amazon vouchers - whichever you are most comfortable with.

knittingwithnettles · 07/11/2015 15:38

At one point when I was childless I had 7 god children and 2 nephews to buy for. It was sooo expensive. And then it was even worse when I had children of my own more nephews and nieces and birthday parties etc to add in. I wish I had kept it much more random with the godchildren.....

Tiger is a good place to buy cheap presents though Wink
There are lots of stocking fillers as well that make good token presents, ie: lego figures, playmobil figures, packet of felttips, pencil case, spongebag, lynx. I can imagine as a child/teen being perfectly happy and grateful to receive a small gift like that.