Christmas - presents - too many children to buy for

[FedUpWithJudgementalPeople]

I am childless and in my late 30's. As I've got older more and more of my friends have had children. I buy all those children Christmas and birthday presents. I buy for 15 children now.

The last few years I've gone with books from the Book People and spent about £5/£6 per child. I don't grudge the money but it does feel like quite a lot of hassle to distribute them etc.

Can you tell me what you do with so many children to buy for? Did you eventually stop? Do you have any ideas for low budget / easy gifts? Should I go with a gift per family maybe?

It also slightly irks me that while some friends are very grateful for the gifts and sometimes get me a token in return eg sweets, others accept gifts year after year but never think to get me anything in return (I don't have kids they can reciprocate with so they just don't bother). I realise giving is not about what you might get in return but it feels slightly uneven.

Thinking of just saying I'm stopping, but will probably not actually do that when it comes to it.

Any ideas?

I would stop. What's the worst that can happen? They are hardly going to drop you as friends. Don't even say anything about it - just don't take the gift round. Do all the other parents do it for the circle of friends?

You don't say how old the children are but if they are small they won't mind, will have loads anyway, and if they are older (10+) IME they would rather have money or something really specific (eg in my house, athletic spikes and shin pads or CDs of musicals!) which you couldn't be expected to source for each one.

I stopped lots of extraneous gifts for random family members (DH's not mine) last year and the world didn't end. In fact it was a relief.

If you really wanted to you could just give each child a tube of Haribos (WIlko's) as these seem to go down well with any age :) But I honestly wouldn't bother.

I really love the chocolate lollies idea of the family night in. Thank you!

I also love the people saying just stop and don't explain why - I would have been thinking I needed to give a massive explanation!

I think you're very generous to buy presents for all your friends' kids! I certainly don't do that - they get a present if my kids are invited to their birthday party - and as for Christmas, forget it. I have 16 presents to buy for my family alone.

I would just stop, I think. Unless your friends are truly awful they'll understand. I would.

A few years ago I realised I had started buying for a ridiculous number of children and just gradually stopped. It was the year I realised that I was looking at up to £200 for other people's children I think! I still buy for nieces, nephews and godchildren (and their siblings).

What irked me was the people who accepted gifts for themselves and their children (family members) for years when I was childless who as soon as I had children suggested that we only buy for the kids!

I mostly buy posh chocs etc. for non family members who buy for mine if they don't have children by way of thanks.

Another one who says just stop and no explanations - none is needed.

I'm in the same position, I never really started doing Christmas gifts but tend to be fairly generous at birthdays.

For me it isn't so much about the money but more about the time spent shopping.

Some of my friends make a point of buying me a gift on my birthday from the children. Other don't which doesn't bother me in the slightest, what does upset me is a lack of thank you from the kids now they are mostly old enough to write/ draw a picture but I know this is controversial on here....

However my stickler-ness for thank yous is no secret to my friends.

I buy for some of my friends kids, but there have been 4 new additions in the last 2 years so where I was buying for 4 that's now doubled to 8, already decided to scale right down this year. The works do 10 kids books for £10, or 3 for a tenner on books and gifts including crafts and games.

Just stop
Restrict the buying for children to family/god-children or the children of friends you are really close to
Otherwise it becomes a self-perpetuating burden on the childless.

What about something like a selection box. They are 2 for £2 at Morrisons at the moment.

Just stop. If you really want to give them something then a tin of nice chocs/biscuits and/or bottle of wine. I was the first to initiate a reduction in gift buying. We're up to 27 kids to buy for now. It goes up at least once a year. So we stopped buying adult presents unless special circumstances (ie my friend wouldn't have a gift to open otherwise). This year we're doing biscuits and wine for each family. I might chuck some £-shop tat if I can be arsed. :o

God yes cut it down.

I only buy my godchildren (and a couple of honorary godchildren) birthday presents, not Christmas, as they get so much already.

I only do presents for my siblings' children and buy for my childless brother as he would be giving to my children and getting nothing back otherwise. I don't buy for children of friends. A tub of sweets for the family or a selection box would do if you still want to give something

I don't buy christmas or birthday presents for my friends children, but if I am going round to visit I will take a small gift for them at any time of the year. Don't feel bad if you decide to stop buying at birthdays and christmas - the children probably have so many presents at these times, they wont even be able keep track of who they are from!

A PP suggested a chocolate orange, I still love receiving those!

But yeah you done have to buy anything so just stop if you want to. Or just buy for some families who you are closer too.

I only buy for my oldest friends DC. Once they're 18 I won't bother. I buy for nephews, but not nieces any more as they are older and have their own Dc, who I have decided not to buy for otherwise it's never ending. In the nicest possible way, if you just stop they're hardly going to miss out at Christmas are they?

Stop. You don't have to explain, but if you want to then just say that the cost was becoming prohibitive.

15 children is a lot. I have 3 of my own and they are more than enough.

We've never done gifts for friends' children.

I have children, I would never expect my childless friends to buy to them for Christmas. Nor would I have any problem with anyone saying 'I'm not buying to the kids this year as there's too many to buy for now'. We get it, we wouldn't buy to them either if they weren't ours!

The works has 10 books for £10 - one book each, sorted.

We have siblings were we buy for the adults/children and we're pretty sure when we have children the adults will say just the children to be bought for when they've had years of getting Both!