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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To really miss the baby years?

73 replies

SurlyCue · 06/11/2015 20:55

Everyone i know thinks i'm mad and wouldnt go back to it but i really loved it. I miss it so much and a quite a few friends have recently had babies which has made me even more broody than usual.
Yes the lack of sleep was hard but tbh i sleep worse now than i ever did with babies. I miss those days so much. The cuddles, the smell, the little babbles, the pram, the bathtimes, the joy at pretty much anything brightly coloured, i miss it all. I cant be the only one. Am i?

OP posts:

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 07/11/2015 08:06

I don't get the newborn cuddle thing either, they can't cuddle back! Much prefer it when my nearly 2 year old throws her arms round my neck, wraps her legs round my waist and gives me a big kiss ??

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 07/11/2015 08:07

Don't know where the question marks came from, it was meant to be a

BoboChic · 07/11/2015 08:10

I loved the baby and toddler years and found the start of nursery school a horrid shock. School can be a bitch - it eats up the DC and leaves parents with all the tough bits and none of the fun!

nokidshere · 07/11/2015 08:21

I loved the baby stage when I only had one, it was a tad more relentless when I had two! It took me 15 years to fall pregnant and I remember never wanting to put my baby down I was so in awe of him.

And then they started to grow. The delight and wonder of watching them learn who they were and all about the world was much more interesting than the baby stage.

Now they are 17 & 14 and my favourite age so far. They are a total delight. They are funny, interesting, articulate and listening to them plan for the future is wonderful. And I am still In awe of these two amazing people that I brought into the world.

BathtimeFunkster · 07/11/2015 08:43

School can be a bitch - it eats up the DC and leaves parents with all the tough bits and none of the fun!

Interesting, Bobo.

I hadn't thought of it that way, but I think there's something in that.

I really love the school holidays. Maybe that's why??

BoboChic · 07/11/2015 08:49

I really love the school holidays too. We get to choose to do what interests us together and so the logistics of life are supporting our own objectives rather than someone else's. Everything seems so much easier!

Bunbaker · 07/11/2015 08:51

"Now they are 17 & 14 and my favourite age so far"

I found 14 the hardest by far - being bullied, boyfriend problems, friendship issues, depression, self harming, borderline anorexic, social anxiety, moodiness.

DD needs me more now than she did at primary school.

"School can be a bitch - it eats up the DC and leaves parents with all the tough bits and none of the fun!"

That wasn't the case for me at all. So far I have found the primary school years the easiest.

I am getting the impression that some women on here want to be defined by parenthood. When DD started school I went back to work and felt like me again.

BoboChic · 07/11/2015 08:55

It is not "being defined by parenthood" to feel at one with oneself when parenting. It's not a dichotomy. I feel perfectly at one with myself as a parent but also in the many other roles I have.

redgoldandgreen · 07/11/2015 09:09

I miss it already and my youngest is only one. Sad that she is my last baby and I'll never have that again.

KathyBeale · 07/11/2015 09:15

I'm not defined by parenthood but I do find juggling work and kids far harder now they're at school than when they were babies. There's just so much to remember and arrange - homework, spellings, projects, friends, money for trips, photos, plays etc. It's always a relief in the holidays when I just need to send them to the childminder without remembering a million things (of course that relief is cancelled out by the enormous childcare bill for the holidays!). I've never been as close to giving up as I've been since my little one started school - and I feel terrible that I can't cope because everyone 'knows' it's supposed to get easier as they get older.

Sorry that was a bit of a rant!

BathtimeFunkster · 07/11/2015 09:24

I went back to full time work when my eldest was 3 months old.

I just like spending time with my children.

I'm defined by motherhood in that I am a mother. I'm similarly defined by my work.

I am equally "me" in both worlds/roles.

I think it's quite mean to sneer at women being "defined by motherhood".

What would be wrong with that even if it were true?

I don't understand how or why I should feel most like myself when away from my children.

nokidshere · 07/11/2015 09:42

That's a shame bunbaker I hope things improve for your dd.

Thankfully, or luckily?, my boys haven't had any problems at secondary school other than the constant nagging to do homework.

imwithspud · 07/11/2015 09:44

I am getting the impression that some women on here want to be defined by parenthood.

Even if that were true, what's wrong with that?

Marilynsbigsister · 07/11/2015 09:45

Babies, Meh couldn't eat a whole one, whereas Teenagers, DH and I have 7 and one in 20's ... Lovely lovely lovely...they are so full of life and suit my preferred parenting strategy of 'benign neglect'. Which is probably a little to tricky to pull off with babies/littlies..

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/11/2015 09:53

I did love the baby and toddler years but it is even better to watch them grow! I wouldn't stick at 8 months for anybody. Schools are very demanding I think and that seems to be worse than when I was a child. I think they need to rely on constant parental input as it leads to greater inequality.

Bunbaker · 07/11/2015 11:04

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone. I think it is because I am really not maternal.

OffMyAyersRocker · 07/11/2015 11:31

Dd2 7 weeks is an absolute joy compared to dd1 at that age sleeps pretty well, generally rather content but its a relentless grind all the same. I do not enjoy the baby stage at all.

Original poster

SurlyCue · 07/11/2015 16:25

Its really interesting reading these responses. I find myself nodding with those that find the school stuff hard. I dont even know why. I just find it more stressful as they grow and their issues are more complex than the baby years.

I do agree though that it must very much depend on how "easy" your babies were. (Easy feels like an insult but j really dont mean it to offend) i was/am very lucky in that DS1 was a doddle. I really couldnt have asked for an easier baby. He didnt even do toddler tantrums either. dS2 was a different kettle of fish, didnt sleep through til 16 months, still feeding during the night til then, tantrums galore before he was a toddler. But he was such a smiley baby amongst it all, very noisy but a "i'm happy so i'm letting everyone know by shouting" noise so it was bearable.

Ok so now that we've concluded i'm not altogether UR, i need your help in finding a husband willing to procreate with me

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 07/11/2015 16:32

DD wasn't an easy baby due to her medical issues. They resolved when she was three and a half. I didn't find primary school hard at all. In fact her primary school years were a doddle. High school though is a different issue.

weeblueberry · 07/11/2015 16:39

I've got a two and a half year old and a seven month old. For the last five nights the seven month old has slept through and I genuinely feel like a different person. It feels like I was just in a haze before.

I love the babies. I hate how I feel with babies!!

Other people's are wonderful to cuddle...then go home and sleep at night!!

weeblueberry · 07/11/2015 16:40

Just want to add I'm aware the seven month old will revert any day so am enjoying my new found energy!!

BertieBotts · 07/11/2015 17:06

DS didn't start school until nearly 7 because we're in Germany and it's really been a revelation. The kindergarten years, 3-6 (3-5 especially) were the hardest for me. Really shockingly breathtakingly hard.

Baby and toddler was tolerable. I didn't mind that he didn't sleep, I didn't mind that he wanted to feed a lot, those things were fine to me, and I loved watching him learn how the world worked and learning to communicate with him.

I don't like him having issues which I can't solve but he also can't yet solve himself. I think that's the bit I found hard. There's a frustrating period at around 6-8 months when they're desperate to crawl, too. When I could solve everything with a boob or a cuddle or a "kiss it better" then everything was great. Then when those things didn't work but he also couldn't deal with life in general (because being three sucks, apparently) that was hard again. Now he can sort out some of his own problems the balance has come back. Going by that, I'm probably going to find it hard again when he starts coming up against real unsolveable issues, or things which he doesn't consider a problem, but I do

LockTheTaskBar · 07/11/2015 22:41

"I don't like him having issues which I can't solve but he also can't yet solve himself."

Yes, Bertie, this is the problem isn't it! It is a matter of each child and how they are individually, as to when these issues appear.

I think for my girls it will be the teenage years.

I love that they love and trust me so much right now. I love that no matter what is tough "out there" I can take them home and cuddle them and it is so important to them that they are loved and treasured at home. There will come a time when my love and reassurance isn't enough because they will have a greater need to be accepted and honoured in a world that I can't belong in or influence. (they do have friendships that are nothing to do with me already, but they don't keep them awake at night if they go wrong)

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