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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To really miss the baby years?

73 replies

SurlyCue · 06/11/2015 20:55

Everyone i know thinks i'm mad and wouldnt go back to it but i really loved it. I miss it so much and a quite a few friends have recently had babies which has made me even more broody than usual.
Yes the lack of sleep was hard but tbh i sleep worse now than i ever did with babies. I miss those days so much. The cuddles, the smell, the little babbles, the pram, the bathtimes, the joy at pretty much anything brightly coloured, i miss it all. I cant be the only one. Am i?

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 06/11/2015 23:43

No, not at all. DD had medical issues and was admitted to hospital several times in her first year. It was an anxious time and I could not enjoy her babyhood at all. She is a teenager now with all the associated problems that brings.

I lover her to bits, but I find being a parent very hard work.

Toraleistripe · 06/11/2015 23:45

I loved it and I miss it. Today I had to walk into town and I just felt I should be pushing a pram! While there saw a group of new mums in the cafe, with lots of new Babies and big posh prams. Soooo jealous.

Mmmmcake123 · 06/11/2015 23:53

I loved new baby times and yes with my first I felt a lot of anxiety about getting things right but I don't think there is anything wrong with being rosetinted. Once you've had all the worries and put the hard work in it is so rewarding that you deserve to look back fondly on the best bits. Have to admit both my dc were very good sleepers, although the first 3 weeks of bf my DD were hell, the sleep deprivation, and family plus others calling uninvited could have sent me over the edge but I wasn't quite on the planet so I just floated through. I think this is why I miss it, have photos but don't remember them being taken!!!!

blueshoes · 06/11/2015 23:58

My dcs 12 and 9 are at a golden age. I would not go back to their baby days for anything in the world. Difficult babies. But they just got easier and easier. I still pity anyone who is pregnant or has a young baby. Could not wait to get rid of the baby stuff.

DriverSurpriseMe · 07/11/2015 00:01

First time around I had PND so found everything quite joyless.

Second time around I am enjoying it more. People are so nice to you when you have a baby with you. And I'm enjoying pushing a pram again and how adorable he is.

But I most certainly will not be having any more so just have to enjoy it while it lasts, really

Mmmmcake123 · 07/11/2015 00:04

I really miss baby years with my second child, I wanted him for so long and my gorge lil babe was beautiful with the most gorgeous smile. Fast forward towards age 2 and he is under scrutiny for developmental issues. Looking back with my dd1 I feel happy all the way, but with my DS I feel like the scrutiny has taken a lot of that joy away, hopes, dreams and wishes for my child that I had have been replaced with sleepless nights of worry
Hey op miss those baby moments all the way yanbu they are the most hopeful times of your life

SecretWitch · 07/11/2015 00:06

I really loved being pregnant. The excitement of the positive pregnancy test, the first midwife appointment. The joy of lying in bed, feeling the kicks and pokes from my growing baby, such bliss. I found the early baby months rather difficult. Trying to adjust to breast feeding and survive on very little sleep was harder than I ever expected.

I hope you feel better..and get to cuddle that new baby soon..

BertieBotts · 07/11/2015 00:12

Maybe you should take up childminding, or fostering

I like babies. In small doses. Pregnancy and my own newborn was awesome. But DS is now seven and I just keep thinking how much I LOVE this age. It's wonderful. I ask him to do stuff and he's just bloody NORMAL about it. He makes me laugh. He says interesting stuff. He doesn't explode into a baffling rage every thirty seconds. He's stopped making irritating noises. (He is learning to whistle, which is much less irritating than any other repetitive noise he's made before ever, and actually quite sweet)

It's great! :) I LOVE big kids!

BillBrysonsBeard · 07/11/2015 00:15

I get you. I have an 18 month old and have loved every minute, even the bleary eyed 5am get ups. I admit he's very easy and happy though so I'm sure that affects how I feel. I'm so aware of how fast he's changing so appreciating it all... I love that he is still babbling and saying nothing coherent! But I also can't wait for him to talk. Especially when we're out and about.. I'm not good at knowing what to say in public when it's one sided! I loved the newborn stage too. But sounds like there's so much to look forward to.. No-one can take our memories away x

imwithspud · 07/11/2015 00:25

I have a love/hate relationship with the baby stage. I love the cuteness, the baby smiles, the complete joy on their faces when you enter a room, there really is nothing like it, my heart just wants to explode with love when my dd2 beams at me with such unconditional love, knowing that in that moment I am her whole world.

But I don't enjoy the sleepless nights, the inability to fall asleep on their own, the having to manage naps and accepting that going out for the day will result in an overtired baby. And quite frankly I will be glad when these days are over and being flexible won't result in a screaming baby at the end of it sometimes during.

Dd2 is our final baby and even though I know another baby would probably send me over the edge mentally I can't help but feel like I just want to stop time and keep dd2 little and cute forever. If only for her baby smiles. It must be a maternal thing. I hates pregnancy especially towards the end both times but I feel sad that I'll probably never get to experience it again.

Strokethefurrywall · 07/11/2015 00:37

I miss the tiny baby stage so much - I love the newness of it all, this tiny little person developing.

My two are 4 and 18 months now and i realise that my youngest is no longer a baby. I feel myself having a total knee jerk reaction to my baby days being over and all of a sudden wanting a third but reality sets in.

But I miss that feeling of total overwhelming joy at new life. And 4 months off work...

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 07/11/2015 04:17

I have a 23 month old and a 4 month old. My 23 month old is up at least twice a night (never slept through) and my 4 month old has never slept longer than 2 hour stretches at night (45 mins in the day). Both EBF, both bottle refusers. Maybe I would enjoy it if I wasn't so cripplingly exhausted.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 07/11/2015 05:01

I have a month old baby, and (so far) have been amazed how much I love it! Never been one for small babies, but he's really a joy. S

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 07/11/2015 05:17

Posted too soon (can you tell I have baby on me ). At the moment, only being woken at bout 4am every night, I actually quite enjoy just me and him in the quiet hours, little smiles as he falls back asleep. I know it will probably change with teething. I'm lucky though, he's not a big cryer, he lets me have some sleep and my partner is here much of the time, so get breaks to go soak/nap in the afternoon. I told my partner when pregnant that I only wanted the one, now I want a houseful of them (or just this little one in particular).

ShadyMyLady · 07/11/2015 07:27

No, not at all. I miss the newborn snuggles, but that's about it. My youngest is 2 and a half and the thought of having another one fills me with dread and I feel a bit nauseous at the thought of doing it all again. My friend has 5, her youngest has recently started school and she is desperate for another one, she won't have one but she'd love to, it's the first time in 14 years she doesn't have a child at home!

I can see why some people do though. I do think a lot of the early days are viewed through rose tinted glasses though, the sheer hell of a reflux baby screaming for 5 hours in the night is not something I wish to repeat .

noeffingidea · 07/11/2015 07:34

I still miss it sometimes, and my youngest is 15.
I had 3 babies, and my experiences were nothing like what I read about on Mumsnet.

PussCatTheGoldfish · 07/11/2015 07:40

Looking back, that time passed so quickly, but at the time it seemed endless and I was wishing it away (bf struggles ruined the early months with my first).

I am glad mine are older now (4 & 6). I can look back on it with my rose tinted spectacles and feel wistful. I love cuddling my friends new babies now, but handing them back feels good too .

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 07/11/2015 07:46

I had 3 babies, and my experiences were nothing like what I read about on Mumsnet.

My experiences are exactly like those I read on here, which is why I joined. I guess some people just find it more difficult and I'm one of them. Maybe if I had a baby who slept more than 2 hours in a row, napped in the day for longer than 45 mins and somewhere other than on me and who slept through the night before the age of 2 I'd feel differently!

SeasonalVag · 07/11/2015 07:52

My kids are 2 and 5 and I already miss my 5 year old and his chubby toddler ways....i don't even care about the toddler tantrums, I just love this age. Five year old is like my chum now so that's something I cherish.

circlelake · 07/11/2015 07:54

YANBU.

My baby was getting a bit annoyed at me cuddling her so much while i read that thread.

She is my 3rd and definitely last, so I'm very aware of trying to enjoy her as much as possible!

She's only 4.5 months old and already seems so big.

The big kids are lovely and interesting too, but there is something about the squishy, tiny newness and watching them grow.

My other two were fairly rubbish sleepers and I'm not sure I'm ready to toddler again, but I'll try my best to enjoy that bit too.

Jw35 · 07/11/2015 07:55

Yanbu!

I had an 11 year old dd and started again. I now have a 12 year old and a 10 month old dd and ttc no 3.

I love the baby years, it's so precious. I've literally grieved my eldest's baby days! It's totally normal

BathtimeFunkster · 07/11/2015 08:01

I'm just out of the baby/toddler phase - youngest is 3, so no more buggy, no more (daytime) nappies, a few hours to myself when he's at pre-school.

I'm kind of revelling in that at the moment - I really feel a sense of freedom and possibilities opening up that were closed when we had babies or toddlers to look after.

I somehow managed to enjoy most of it though, despite finding the baby state fiendishly hard first time around.

I don't really get the newborn cuddles thing, but give me a chubby 5 or 6 month old with big fat thighs and roly-poly smiles and gummy giggles and I'm anybody's.

I don't really miss it. I don't want another baby now, having made it out .

It's more like I have developed my palate for babies. I used to find them boring, but now I can appreciate them like a connoisseur.

"Ah yes, this one has a bouquet of sudocrem and No More Tears. There are notes of dimple and ridiculous hairstyle coming through..."

dietcokeandwine · 07/11/2015 08:03

I'm with you OP. I adored the baby days. Loved them. But then I found the toddler stage pretty grim. Amazing, but grim at the same time (am still there with my youngest).

My favourite stage was from around six weeks to six months ish... I don't think I've ever felt such absolute contentment. It helped obviously that I had happy chilled out babies! And there was no real sleep deprivation with the older two either as they slept through by a few weeks old. (DS3 was a different story though!)

I love the older stages too obviously -DS2 is 6 and is such fun to be around. As is the 11yo when he's not in a pre teenage sulk this can be rare But there are more pressures (on you and them) as they get older. It might get physically easier but it's mentally more stressful.

KathyBeale · 07/11/2015 08:04

I loved the baby time and find - contrary to what everyone says - parenting increasingly hard. I can't cope with school and found it difficult enough with just one at school. Now they're both at school I find it almost unbearably hard. I used to think I was a good mum (I was a good mum) but now I'm terrible, and basically just spend the whole time shouting at them. All I ever say is: "Come on. Come ON..." I worry constantly that I'm damaging them for life and that I'm ruining their childhoods.

I wish so much I could go back to the baby bit where I could be a better parent and things could be easier and simpler.

BathtimeFunkster · 07/11/2015 08:04

Five year old is like my chum now so that's something I cherish.

5 is a fab age too - so independent and full of fun, but still with all the crazy thoughts that make you cry with laughter.

I think when they are 25 we might think of their 5 year selves as babies :)

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