to ask if you still have to do your 12yr old DD's hair?

[Bladders73]

This is currently a bone of contention in our house. 12yr old DD has lovely mid back length hair which is very thick. It gets knotty very easily and needs brushing regularly throughout the day to avoid cobs and tangles etc.

She just doesn't take care of it at all. She needs to plait her hair in a loose braid at night to avoid waking up like a scarecrow and having knots all underneath at the back but she says she can't do it. Likewise if it needs to go up for PE I have to do it as she 'can't'.

I have told her that unless she starts brushing it regularly I'll ask the hairdresser to cut it but she will not hear of cutting it at all to make it easier to look after.

To be honest I think its laziness - she needs to be told to shower / wash / pick up after herself, everything.

This morning is the last straw as she didnt attempt to plait it last night and we were 10 minutes detangling with all the dramatics that goes with it - by the time I leave for work i'm a nervous wreck.

Am I asking too much of her at her age? Should I insist its cut? Anyone else in the same boat who can recommend products to help?

I can see my 10YO DD being like this - with the hair at least. She can just about do a very messy ponytail but not much else. I get her to brush it but always end up having to help her in the end. It's quite thick and unruly and she is pretty unco-ordinated actually, she's left handed and it took her ages to get the hang of scissors and be able to write neatly. We have a tangle teaser and detangling spray but she still can't quite manage it. I wish I knew what to suggest OP - persistance I guess?!

Crikey no, Dd hasn't let me near her hair since she was about 9 and a half! She has very long hair that she spends ages styling!

Dds are mixed race. Dd1 is 10 and her hair is half way down her back. She detangles and styles herself every morning

Dd2 is 5 with an afro; its mid back also when its brushed out. Even she can detangle herself!

Does it matter though? I don't think you should make her cut it. Its her hair, can't she just have knotty hair? No skin off your nose really is it

I still ask my mum to plait my hair and im 26

Can she actually plait it??

Could you teach her to braid her own hair??

Then shes got no more excuse, one more morning of tanglement and its off to the hairdressers for the snip!

hides scare crow/witch head matted greasy hair from OP

I did dd1's hair until she was 14yo, but her hair was very thick and thigh length.
She spent about a year umming and ahing about having it cut. Eventually we found about the Little Princess Trust and she donated 18".
Since then she does her own.

I help dd2 before school, but not at other times. She's year 7. She brushes it out and I put it back for school. But she's only got one hand, so it takes longer for her.

well, as a result of this thread, dd and I spent a lot of time on youtube over the weekend!.

As I said up thread she is 10, but has long straight easy hair. She brushes herself but asks me to plait it. She can't even really do a good ponytail.

So we have had a talk about secondary school coming up and how she needs to learn to do it herself, and so we watched lots of youtube and she has started to practise. She wants a simple plait down her back. She found it impossible even with youtube. We have talked about practise, practise practise, and one step at a time. After lots of playing on sunday she has managed to divide it into 3 parts, and has started to work out what to do next.
It is a slow process, lots of encouragement and promise that I will still do it for her for school until she can do it properly.

I learned to plait my own hair by plaiting other things - like string. To start, I'd do a ponytails then plait that. The best way (I've found) is to think about bringing each side into the middle. But I'll accept plaits are harder - I can French plait my own hair in my than one way but my sister can barely do one plait for herself (we're mid twenties).

*more

Yup does she understand the concept of plaiting not on her head? Like with some strong or something? Doing it in front of you so you learn what is meant to be going on is the first step.

Also, so you have a good mirror set up so she can see the back of her head whilst plaiting? Might help.

To start, I'd do a ponytails then plait that.

Yes yes, much easier to do that as you are just plaiting and not worrying about trying to hold all the hair in place.

dd can plait easily, but not backwards behind her head!
She doesn't want a plaited ponytail, she likes the look and feel of a low plait. Fair enough, that is what she wants, so she is learning how to do it.

I always had short hair as a kid, my Mum worked full time and had no inclination to do my hair. When I was old enough to decide to grow it, I was responsible for styling it. I think I was probably about 9 the last time my DM went anywhere near my hair, by 11 I would have been fighting and telling her to get off. It's not magic, it's just practice.

I do have to confess to being a bit weird though, my hair tangled so badly that when I was 11 I bought an old lady hair net to sleep in in an attempt to sort my hair out!

My mum worked so I did my hair and had easy care styles. I work and can't be bothered with faffy hair dos and think part of being an independent woman is being able to sort your own hair out easily in the same way a man can so never got in this position with my daughter.
I can do bunches and a plait from a ponty tail but that's the limit of my hairdressing. It usually just gets washed and blow dried but my kids dried their own hair from late primary school.

I don't even see how this is an issue. If she won't look after her hair she can deal with the consequences of knotty, matted hair can't she. I certainly wouldn't be doing it for her. Helping out with new or complicated styles perhaps, but actual just day to day maintenance? She's 12 not 2. Leave her to it.

12, seriously? Send her for the chop! I was forced to have short hair until I went away to school at 10, because my mother said she wasn't going to mess around with knots, tangles and the like for "some stupid interpretation of what it means to be female" (ie, long hair in girls - mumsnet wasn't invented, so she didn't know anything about bodily autonomy...).

I did my own hair (chin-ish length) from about 3 (it still knotted a bit, as it's very thick and quite wavy) and began growing it once I was at school. I then kept it long until I was 30, and never once needed someone else to assist with knots etc. I also did my own plait - but in fairness, I rode, so was used to plaiting. I think you're right - give her the choice: look after your own hair, as you're more than old enough - or have it cut short. (And yes - she's 12: if you say she has to have it cut shorter, she does!)