to ask if you still have to do your 12yr old DD's hair?

[Bladders73]

This is currently a bone of contention in our house. 12yr old DD has lovely mid back length hair which is very thick. It gets knotty very easily and needs brushing regularly throughout the day to avoid cobs and tangles etc.

She just doesn't take care of it at all. She needs to plait her hair in a loose braid at night to avoid waking up like a scarecrow and having knots all underneath at the back but she says she can't do it. Likewise if it needs to go up for PE I have to do it as she 'can't'.

I have told her that unless she starts brushing it regularly I'll ask the hairdresser to cut it but she will not hear of cutting it at all to make it easier to look after.

To be honest I think its laziness - she needs to be told to shower / wash / pick up after herself, everything.

This morning is the last straw as she didnt attempt to plait it last night and we were 10 minutes detangling with all the dramatics that goes with it - by the time I leave for work i'm a nervous wreck.

Am I asking too much of her at her age? Should I insist its cut? Anyone else in the same boat who can recommend products to help?

I has waist length hair age 12 which I looked after in my own. At 12 that level of personal care is fine. I think your approach sounds like the right one.

Also, getting it in a plait is easy if your do it over your shoulder. A ponytail for PE should be a cinch.

Stop doing it! So what if she has knotty hair - she's 12, it's her problem! She will soon decide to do it herself or get it cut. My dd is six and I'm trying to teach her to manage her bum length hair!

It's laziness - my DD is 12 with v lomg v thick hair but I haven't touched it for about 5 years except for when she does a special dance show.
She knows when it is ready to be washed and does it herself. She keeps a brush with her at school to get rid of any tangles. She can do any hairstyle and watches youtube videos to get tips. Your Dd could do that if she had the inclination.

By the time dd1 was 10 I had 3 younger dcs, so yes she does her ownhair.

I literally haven't touched my DDs hair since she was about 9. Well apart from a brief fling with nits in Year 6.

Tell her to watch youtube videos - loads of plaiting your own hair.

My dd has been doing her own hair exclusively since she was 8. She is now 11 and can do all sorts of fancy French braids, plaits, headband style braid, braids going in all directions! I cant She taught herself watching YouTube. Could you try that with your dd? She really should be able to at minimum wash, brush, plait, ponytail and a bun. I would also suggest buying her a new special brush and leave in sprays hair tyes and headbands. If she has long thick wavy hair I can recommend the Michael Merrcier brush or a tangle geezer they are more gentle on hair but get the job done. Please YouTube with her. There are many girls doing tutorials even for a basic ponytail.

Mine were doing their own from about 7 including plaits. They went away with the brownies so had to learn how to do it.

Just leave her to it. If she looks like a raggy haired tramp that's her look out. And I bet she sorts it out eventually if she doesn't have you doing it for her.

My DD is 9 and can put her hair up into a ponytail herself, is trying to get the hang of plaiting it as well. I do sometimes help her brush the back of her hear but that is partly because I love doing it. I do threaten her with getting it cut shorter if she keeps on chewing it though .....

I'll be encouraging my 7 yr old DD to do her own in the next few months. It's down to her bum, more or less, but not too thick and tangly.
I used to do my own hair (badly) from age about 6, at my own insistence.

My 13 year old dd is mixed race with lots of curls - I do her hair for her every day.

I have to say, I am impressed with 9/10 year olds who can plait their own hair.

I went to boarding school aged 9, with long straight hair, so had to look after it. I wore it in bunches, one down over each shoulder, with the bobble low, just behind my ear - a very 1970s look! But I did that because I found pony tails, single plait etc very hard to do, the low bunches were do-able

Obviously we used to do hair styles on each other and I learnt over time, but one reason was that I had thick hair and my hands were not strong enough to do a strong elastic that would stay in.
By about 13 I could do fancy up dos.

But ops daughter has curly hair that matts. That is a whole other level.

As I posted before, I think you have to back off and make her start taking responsibility, let her do it, let her decide what to do with the consequences.
I apologise because in first post I thought she was 14. As she is a couple of years younger, I think I would take it in stages.

eg - you brush it, I'll plait it. Or you make sure it is in over night plait, or I won't touch it in the morning. Or I'll brush it, but only if you are ready by x time, then you are on your own.

The two week rule still stands, she is currently in the shower as we speak and today she has pulled her hair up into a messy bun which actually looks lovely.

I think she knows I mean business this time, especially as the date is circled on the calendar that the hairdresser is coming

DD1 is 8.5 with fine curly hair. She brushes it herself and will do ponytail etc. If giving plaits or bunches I do it, but that is because I can't bear the crooked parting. Today she had a single plait at the back, but apparently she re-plaited it during the day after wearing a head guard at a karate tournament.

My eight year old loves the idea of long hair but really can't be arsed with the maintenance, and also hates it when I brush her hair (like, hates it to the extent that she starts screaming as if she were being attacked in the street). So it is cut in a pretty, shiny bob which she loves and which is also a total piece of piss to look after, and thus she can brush it herself and put a clip in it and it's done. We get on a lot better in the mornings now.

I was brushing, blow drying and putting my hair up at age 12, probably earlier as my mum was ill so not around alway and dad was brutal with hair brushing.

I get my 5yr old to brush her hair and it's similar to your DD's (as is mine) - long, easily knots and we have to use the tangle teezer and recently oil which helps. I hope she's doing it herself by end of primary school. Although I'm not sure I can plait my hair myself but pony tails, buns, hair clips etc should be fine.

Longer hair can be easier to care for in some ways - when it's short it may need more styling and careful blow drying, especially if a little wavy. Perhaps the hair dresser can advise on a lower maintenance cut, perhaps layering to make drying quicker and it may reduce tangles.

I couldn't get my parting straight until I was about 22...

Take her to hairdressers and get it thinned but keep the length. Make .it easier to handle

My daughter has this problem too...she tried really hard to manage it, but I do end up helping with the tangles at the back (always the base of the neck)

I recently got it cut, as it has been a while...we had layers put in & had it thinned out quite a bit too, and she can easily manage it now.

Dd1 is a messy bun or scraggy old bushy ponytail kid at almost 16. I brush it occasionally when she asks me to (it's thick, bushy and waist length when wet and knots terribly) but tbh I leave her to it. She puts it up in a bun herself for ballet (it's like a second head lol) but it looks tidy if she does that, so she doesn't get moaned at by the dance teacher. She should really plait it for bed, but doesn't, so can rarely get a brush through it until she washes and uber-conditions it.

Her business, not mine. Today, for example, it hasn't had a brush anywhere near it.

She claims that at some point when it is long enough she is donating it. By 'long enough', she means 24 inches, so that when she has 12 cut off, she will still have plenty to do ignore.

I am 26 and if I want to wear my hair in a plait my mum still has to do it for me

I might have an advantage as I grew up with a bunch of older cousins in the middle so I simultaneously had my hair played with and played with younger one's. At 12, I was using hair products, blow dryers, a curling iron, and doing my own hair and bits of age appropriate make up quite nicely. The only thing I still have a hard time with is doing my own updo's, though I can manage a sporty business look for interviews.

Practice makes perfect. At 12, barring SN's, most children should be able to do their own hair and have it look nice. She's had 12 years to get used to her hair, she should know how to take care of it by now. Not to mention there are youtube videos all over the place showing tips and tricks.

Dd is 11 and has long thick hair.

She can do one plait herself, a ponytail etc. Simple styles.

If she wants something more complicated I help her do it. Something like a French braid. She is learning but when I do them they stay in a don't move all day.

Dd actually chose to have her hair cut off when she was 8. Which made it easier to deal with and she took over caring for it then. It was easy to do, and then she learnt to look after it as it grew back.

My dd is 11 and has long, curly, thick hair. From being 9 she has had to brush it through herself. And from being 10 she has styled it herself. She has loads of different styles she can do. Various plaits, fishtails, frencg plaits, dutch plaits (whatever they are) all self taught from youtube.

What helped her be able to manage was having her longer hair cut to just below her shoulder blades. It got rid of all the fluffy bits and stopped it getting as knotty and she coped better. You have my sympathies.