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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder about childcare

102 replies

Shirehorsesworkhardest · 05/11/2015 17:54

I have a long commute (45 minutes) and need to be in work before 8. This is a problem as nurseries don't seem to open until 730.

When I go back to work after maternity leave, is it better to look at nurseries local to me or local to work?

OP posts:
Mintyy · 05/11/2015 22:16

Well I hadn't "taken issue" with you until that last post!

Mintyy · 05/11/2015 22:17

No, but you expect nurseries to be able to accommodate working parents. Plenty of working parents work until 6pm and then might have a 45 minute commute like you do ...

Original poster
Shirehorsesworkhardest · 05/11/2015 22:20

Yes, but it wouldn't necessarily all be done by the same people, would it? After all, many people work shifts, whether early or late, and might appreciate childcare that does the same.

OP posts:
Mintyy · 05/11/2015 22:28

So, like I said when I was trying to be helpful give a shout out to others in the same unusual situation as you? Maybe?

Original poster
Shirehorsesworkhardest · 05/11/2015 22:33

Mintyy, assuming that you are genuinely trying to be helpful - and I have to be honest and say I don't feel that you ever came on this thread to try to be helpful - what you seem to be missing is that I don't want to talk to others in the same unusual situation as me.

I wanted advice on a specific issue - if others took their baby on a commute with them.

They do.

Now, in more general terms. I was 7 when I lost my mum: she had cancer of the stomach and sadly it got her very quickly. I had a close and loving relationship with my dad and together we helped care for my older brother who is disabled. My dad died eighteen months ago now - it was a complete shock, he was still in his sixties, fit, healthy and lively. He is tremendously missed.

I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, but your constant heckling about my 'unusual' situation has been rather upsetting. I'll leave it at that and I'd appreciate it if you could as well because you really are causing a fair bit of distress at this end and there really is no need for it.

OP posts:
ceeveebee · 05/11/2015 22:41

shire Flowers
Two of my colleagues bring their babies with them on a commute through central London and drop off at a childminder near the office. They work 8.30-5pm and prefer to have DC with them on commute then to try and get 7-7 childcare. Also one of my colleagues was still bf so used to pop over at lunchtime! It definitely can be/is done.

The larger groups eg kids unlimited, banana moon do 7-7 I think (in London anyway)
But if you get a nursery near work will you just have to pay for it through all the holidays? Maybe a childminder near work would be more likely to offer term time only?

Original poster
Shirehorsesworkhardest · 05/11/2015 22:43

Thanks. I'm looking for a childminder but it just may not be strategically possible. The motorway links are good but when you come off it it can be hard to get back on it without running into a load of traffic, which means childminder options are pretty much exclusive to right near me which is where the difficulty is.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 05/11/2015 22:45

I really think you should see if you can advertise for a nanny share. From personal experience there is nothing more stressful than being delayed on the way home knowing that nursery are going to charge you a really high late fee.

Your situation isn't that unusual but it does take an additional amount of planning to get it to work!

Mintyy · 05/11/2015 22:47

Ok, leaving it as requested.

(just posted above so you didn't think I was ignoring you or hadn't read your comment)

Original poster
Shirehorsesworkhardest · 05/11/2015 22:48

Thank you but I don't live in an area where nannies are a 'thing', really. I've certainly never met anyone with a nanny, or even a nanny share.

I think the best option is a childminder but if this is not possible then a nursery near my workplace.

Thank you again.

OP posts:
lushaliciousbob · 05/11/2015 22:59

I second (or third or fourth!) the nanny share option. Trust me, they are more common than you think. I am one! And I'm very very clued up on them and there are literally nannies everywhere. And nanny shares are very common. Much cheaper and much more flexible. Better for baby too.... but that's a whole other thread ;)

OllyBJolly · 05/11/2015 23:09

I had a brilliant childminder who had my kids from babies until we moved house when DCs were 12 & 10. She would take the kids home and put them to bed when I had to work evenings, and even had them overnight when I was away on trips. She was not fazed at all by illness or nits or anything else that would have been an issue with a nursery. She gave them breakfast and dinner - and lunch during school holidays. It was the flexible answer for me as a single parent with no other support around. Ex lived 400 miles away.

I did have to use nurseries in the summer as CM had a three week holiday with her family every year. I used one close to work only because there were none close to home (rural village). DD2 would always fall asleep on the drive home which would mean a very late bedtime, and difficulties getting up for the early start next day. It was great when CM came back and we could get back to normal.

My kids were young before the days of dependant's leave and family friendly work places. However, don't underestimate the problems of illness and other emergencies. It's hard being a single parent with a full time career.

But you're right - you just get on with what you have to. Friends would be thrown into a panic because "hubby" was on a course for a week and they had no babysitter to allow them to go to badminton - I knew that if I needed childcare I had to organise it.

It all worked out in the end. I survived, my kids survived. You will, too.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/11/2015 23:19

There will be cms doing the run to your school. Would it be worth checking with one if they or one of the others locally would have a term time baby place? The local authority childcare information service should also be able to give you details of cms who are near to your school.

hibbleddible · 06/11/2015 00:12

Sorry to hear you have had a difficult time op.

It sounds like you have decided that a nursery near your workplace is the best for you, I hope it works for you.

Anaffaquine · 06/11/2015 00:30

I'm a teacher and have done both near home and near work.
Near work was much easier and less stressful for me. If I was caught in traffic, if didn't matter as dd was already with me. I could stay later as I didn't have far to go and get her after work.
Now the older one is at school we have two drop offs and pickups with dd1 at a childminder. It can be really difficult to get back in time for her. I feel I am constantly chasing my tail.
It is one of the reasons I have resigned from my post and I am looking for a school closer to home.

icklekid · 06/11/2015 06:20

Op I'm similar commute and also a teacher- we went for childminder near home but only because dh can then do some drop offs/pick ups. Childminder who can offer term time only is a huge bonus (also see if accept childcare vouchers ) in terms of cost. If dh wasn't able to help would have to be near work as getting to work for 8 and leaving at 4.45 isn't always possible! (Ds is at childminder 7.15-5.30) just have a think about parents eve too and if you have friends who could help then?

Mia1415 · 06/11/2015 06:27

I have a really long commute (2 hours) & my childminder is near work. DS has commuted with me from 6 months old & it's worked ok. I'm looking for a new job currently (nearer to home but most likely still with a commute of up to 45 mins) & I will most probably still choose childcare near my work rather than home.

Singsongsungagain · 06/11/2015 06:28

My dd2 started at a nursery near my work and settled quickly. All was find until I changed jobs and we had to move her to a different nursery. She has settled well there again but it was a bumpy and stressful few days!

I would say only use a nursery near work if you can be sure that you aren't going to be changing job anytime soon.

waitingforsomething · 06/11/2015 06:55

When I just had one I also commuted 45 mins to work and had to be there at 7.45. She went to a CM next to my work who started at 7.30 and it worked for us. It had downsides- it was hard for DH to pick her up and when I had evening events at school I had to take her home to dh then drive back again. But 95 percent of the time it was great and I was glad to have her nearby as if she fell ill I could be with her in 5 minutes :

waitingforsomething · 06/11/2015 07:11

Oh also she did tt only which was a huge saving. The commute with dd was fine - when she was little she would drop off to sleep for 10 mins on the way home but it was fine. I've got 2 now and the cm I used to use has moved. I am heartbroken and stuck for what to do !

Barbeasty · 06/11/2015 07:34

I think there are a few advantages to using a nursery on the way to or near your work. It isn't just that you can be dropping off and picking up that much earlier, but what if the M6 shuts while you're on your way home? Even leaving early you really don't want the stress of not knowing if you'll be back in time.

Nurseries can offer term time only, not just childminders, so worth looking into.

We also found with our nursery that staff were happy to offer baby sitting in evenings and weekends, and one person even did a couple of days living in and taking the DC to nursery when a single parent had to go away with work. That's worth looking at for parents evenings etc.

The advantage of a childminder near home is that if your DC is going to go to school near there you can already have their wrap around care sorted and they can have friends ready made and know the school from the childminder's school runs.

It might help you to put in a flexible working request to start the day at 8.15. Then you can widen the pool of nurseries near work to ones which open at 8am. The worst that will happen is your head will say no.

Lightbulbon · 06/11/2015 07:46

I was an unsupported single mum working ft with a toddler in ft nursery.

I took on jobs that were strictly 9-5 and moved to be closer to work.

It was fine. It's your 8am meetings which are the problem here.

VegasIsBest · 06/11/2015 07:53

As a fellow working mum, I just wanted to say that it can be tough - but as you say, you get through. It sounds like to have a positive attitude and that is key.

A few people have mentioned the illnesses that babies pick up at nursery. Unfortunately this seems inevitable, as they are mixing with other babies and toddlers so there will always be germs going around.

On the plus side, I found that since mine started school they have hardly had a day off. Whereas other kids who hadn't been at nursery seemed to pick up more illnesses in the first years at school.

If you're a working parent, life does get more awkward once they're at school. So at least the cloud has a silver lining in terms of less sickness at that stage.

Your 8am meeting everyday is clearly a major issue here. Is it essential that you go everyday? Is there any chance the Head would move it to a slightly later start?

Good luck.

PresidentUnderwood · 06/11/2015 09:50

I wouldn't judge nurseries on their websites, go along visit all rooms and trust your gut instinct.

And I'm afraid the reality of child illness is much worse than you can imagine.

I'm sorry you've been through such a lot, I would really urge you to think about creating support network of mums. As a teacher you can offer quid pro quo favours in looking after kids in holidays etc

VenusVanDamme · 06/11/2015 10:16

DH and I chose a nursery near work and it's been working well. Neither of us can guarantee getting out of the office early enough to get back to where we stay so it's much less stressful having DS in the city with us as we're only minutes away.

We live just outside the city centre but with traffics it's easily 35/40 mins in the car most nights but he's coped really well. He'll probably nap in car, have dinner at 6 when we get in house and still goes to bed at 7! Just wanted a positive story so you don't worry too much about a nursery near work as it can be good Smile

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