To wonder about childcare

[Shirehorsesworkhardest]

I have a long commute (45 minutes) and need to be in work before 8. This is a problem as nurseries don't seem to open until 730.

When I go back to work after maternity leave, is it better to look at nurseries local to me or local to work?

I have an hour commute in the morning (student not teacher) and drop my DDs at a childminder for 7.15 and she would probably have them from 7 if I asked. Mine are all school age so she drops them to school during term time and has them all day during half term or if they have a random day off.

I also have nobody to be a contact at the school and the childminder has offered to do it for me. If you need anything particular just ask, the worst they can do is say no.

Good luck finding somebody, I know how much of a worry it is.

Sorry Shire, the way I read your post about CMs was that you hadn't found any with flexibility (i.e. for early starts etc.) and so I assumed you'd discounted finding one who could work with you. Hence the questions about where you'd looked for a CM - there is a good childcare board on MN who'd have ideas.

I'm sure you do have a plan, I didn't mean to sound patronising - I just remember too well the desperate feeling of a might-be-coming-down-with-something-AGAIN toddler late at night and wondering how to square it with work about more time off. And that was with my DH doing his share too.

Shire - it's going to be really difficult juggling a baby, job, childcare and the commute without anyone helping, no back-up. Some manage it but very few in reality and in the end something is going to 'give' - the day will come when the baby is ill, maybe be a bit of D&V where the CM/nursery won't accept the baby for 2 days after it's cleared up and the school will most likely become unhappy with the inevitable time you need to keep taking off.

You also have just a 1bed flat, ok for a little while with a tiny baby, but with the work/marking you'll be bringing home + baby stuff which tends to take over most homes it's going to be cramped.

In order to keep your chances as high as possible of getting through as many of the next few years with a semblance of your 'career' still intact I'd try and drop the 'commute' part and move to a 2bed closer to your work or change jobs to one closer to where you currently live.

Meanwhile,

You just manage, Squirrels.

I am a bit locked in. In one way is the M6 motorway which is great for my commute. The other way is the town and traffic is utterly hideous. I cannot possibly look for a childminder there because I know from bitter experience that I would be trapped for ages getting back to the motorway.

As a result I'm restricted to those offering childcare in the immediate vicinity.

Hopefully it won't be very long as I'm not massively impressed by the nurseries (judging from the websites, perhaps unfairly!) as I'll be looking for a more local job but obviously in the meantime I will need somewhere the baby can be cared for.

Float, the school will have to be unhappy then, won't they?

So the flat is cramped, so what?

Sorry if I sound defensive but taking a couple of days off for an ill child and being s bit cramped doesn't sound too horrendous to me.

You do manage, Shire. It's just how zen you can feel about it when you're on your umpteenth "couple of days off for an ill child" and work is breathing down your neck with disciplinaries and what have you. It can get horrendous, is all anyone is saying!

So, you know your situation and sounds as if childcare near your school/M6 is the best bet. Travelling time not ideal, but if it's the only way then it's the only way.

I've used nurseries on route, near home and work. They're all fine

Try for term time only as it saves us a fortune

All you can do sometimes is manage situation as and when they occur Squirrels - it isn't zen like, it's getting on with it.

You will manage and you will do an amazing job!

I'd get on a waiting list for a local childminder and use a nursery by work in the meantime.

Good luck!

I have a similar commute and a similar starting time problem. I've gone with a nursery near work and it's been absolutely fine. Commuting with a baby in rush hour isn't ideal but it's not terrible either.

Thank you very much for the vote of confidence Vintage - I agree I will absolutely manage, although 'amazing job' may be pushing it! 'Adequate' will hopefully do!

Luckily Laura most of the busy traffic seems to be going away from my school rather than towards it can't think why

Good luck with the search. Slightly different but i've found having DD in school near where I work helpful - chat in car and easy to get there quickly if she is ill.

The cm may be worth investigating from a back up point of view. You don't have the right to take unlimited time off if they are ill. Just time to make arrangements. eg if baby gets chickenpox and is banned from nursery for 7 days a cm may take back sooner if they have no other charges or all thers have had the pox.

They do get ill a lot at first in nursery again a cm may mean less illness.

My DD went to a nursery from 9m, just so you know I don't have anything against nurseries just can see disadvantages in your situation.

All you can do sometimes is manage situation as and when they occur Squirrels - it isn't zen like, it's getting on with it.

Well, in which case I take my hat off to you as you are clearly robot-like in your robust attitude to life.

But, actually there is being reactive (managing situations as and when they occur) and proactive (anticipating problems and manoeuvring around the likeliest roadblocks). I'm bowing out now as you do seem to be a bit defensive about it, and I would probably feel like it too - but you did post in AIBU, and I honestly was trying to help, so apologies if words on a screen has not conveyed my tone, which I meant to be sympathetic yet useful!

If there's no one to have the baby then I would have to take the time off.

This may or may not be paid, but if nursery won't take her and there is no one else available then what do you do?

Op, I think you might be better off appealing to parents who have been in the exact same situation as you. Mumsnet allows for very long thread titles, so how about posting something like:

"Single parents with no family support, a baby, a full time job, an average salary and a long commute - how did you do it?"

Do look for whether nurseries will take a poorly child. Some will take if fever comes down with calpol, some will administer antibiotics, others won't. Some will admit conjunctivitis, HFM, others won't.

I don't want to be voice of doom at all but I've had 2 DC go through a top class nursery. Home cooked food, great cleanliness levels etc. Each DC has been ill from start to finish of their first winter. Ear infections, d&v, rashes, list is endless. Carer's leave is not an automatic right and in most places only gets you the first 24hours. You have to find an alternative or you put your job at risk.

If there is no one else, even someone who lives further away, who can help then it may be worth investigating a CM further, even if they are near your place of work. Build up a strong support network of other mums if you possibly can. You're going to need some favours. I have a DH but no other family nearby and its hellishly difficult. Friends have been an amazing backstop.

I have been in your exact situation for 4 years, OP... Nursery near work, drop off, leadership meeting at 8. Always have done the ill days, the nights etc, no one much to help. It has been desperately hard at times but we got there and little one and me fine! She has just started school. Now that's a whole different ball game! You will be OK. But nursery near school, definitely. Nice and close in case of emergency. Commute is fine once all are used to it. Good luck!

Well, yes, you do sound a bit defensive but that's fine. I've just been in that situation myself so thought I'd try and offer my advice so you have the best chances to succeed. Obviously none you want to hear. But so what.

Squirrels, I felt a tiny bit defensive to be honest and did try to tone it down, evidently unsuccessfully.

I know first hand you can plan for every eventuality in the world and something out of your control will still happen.

While I make every effort to try to plan for most eventualities I also concede that some things happen completely outside of your control and I know that then you cope and you get on with things because it's what we do.

I also know that every time thinking about what you will do, how you will manage, is ten times worse than the reality. In the thick of things you just plough on, and I dont want to make assumptions about people's circumstances but I understand so much now I didn't understand before - like problems and challenges that people might think would lead to nothing but stress and unhappiness actually lead to anything but: they are just things to work around, and how many of the issues that we face are actually issues I'm incredibly grateful for.

I don't worry about how I'll manage a baby and a job, I'm just grateful I have both.

It was just the answer to my childcare question. Everything else is fine.

as I work with children, am praying that I never have to start work at 7am!!! currently 7.45 am to 6 pm. long enough day for me!!

It's plain you have taken issue with me Mintyy and I've no clue why but I apologise for any affront I have caused you.

Thanks Dalloway

If I am dismissed through appalling attendance because of my unwell child we will deal with it - but I think give things a try first.

Went for a nursery near work (also a teacher) and am glad, really. Now DS is in wraparound care with them I really enjoy the longish drive home chatting to him. I'd hate to be racing back on my own longing to see the DC - I'm with them five minutes after I leave work which I have always really liked, and I can be with them quickly when they're ill (although my nursery are LEGENDS and will even pick DS up from school for me if he's poorly and I really can't get there which is like a huge weight off my mind).

Who do you think is going to be willing to offer childcare from 7am til 7pm op? That is a 60 hour working week.

I don't work until 7pm, Mintyy.

That would be a late school day!