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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable about this

31 replies

Kittyfrickle · 05/11/2015 17:30

I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant with my first child and she is my mum's first grandchild too so she is understanbly excited. Not long after I told her she started making a big deal about telling her boyfriend's parents. They have been together for just under a year and I have met his parents once. I am too old for the whole step-dad thing and don't really have a close relationship to him or his family as I don't think it should really be expected.

Well it turns out that she told her boyfriend's parents before we told my own grandparents (mums parents) which I think is a bit desrespectul and weird. I went to visit her one day and she went very overboard saying how they're so excited to be great-grandparents (barf) and have already started buying things. Don't get me wrong, that's very nice of them but they're nothing to do with me or my unborn baby and I won't be going out of my way to include them in her life. If they happen to be at my mum's house when I visit the fair enough. They're practically strangers to me. AIBU to feel annoyed and uncomfortable about this?

OP posts:
ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 05/11/2015 17:35

I think it's sweet, it's not like they want to be in the room as you are giving birth or demanding access.

Your Mums enthusiasm is rubbing off on them and they are excited for her

Indiechic · 05/11/2015 17:36

I get you, but it's a cruel world, and the more people who love your child the better. Plus, some people just really love children.

catfordbetty · 05/11/2015 17:36

Perhaps the barf-worthy great grandparents are trying to show their approval of their son's new partner, your mother?

Original poster
Kittyfrickle · 05/11/2015 17:36
  • my mum hasn't had a good relationship past so I don't expect them to last long, in and out of relationships and been engaged to 4 different men. So I don't bother getting close to her boyfriends.
OP posts:
LineyReborn · 05/11/2015 17:38

Your mum and her boyfriend have been together for less than a year.

Do you mean that's how long they've known each other?

GashleyCrumbTiny · 05/11/2015 17:40

Meh. You don't have to buy into or prop up their (reported) enthusiasm, but it's nice of them to have warm, caring feelings about the whole thing.

pictish · 05/11/2015 17:40

Umm...I can understand you not being arsed to pursue a meaningful relationship with them because as you say, they are virtual strangers to you.
However, they are probably just kind people who have been caught up in your mum's delight. They probably like her and want to acknowledge her happiness in a tangible way.
I wouldn't worry too much about it...I very much doubt they'll be banging on your door demanding babysitting rights or a visitation at Christmas.
Calm it.

Joopy · 05/11/2015 17:46

Some people like buying presents for babies. My siblings' in-laws have bought presents for my baby without expecting visiting rights, one set hasn't met him and aren't likely to for a while.

Original poster
Kittyfrickle · 05/11/2015 17:50

They met on a dating site just under a year ago, got together and he moved in to her house straight away. I just don't like the fact they knew before my grandparents, not a nice thing for my mum to do

OP posts:
Scoobydoo8 · 05/11/2015 17:51

It sounds as if she is trying to win them over by informing them of the new baby - does she know that they want a DGGC or something?

I would say something about not expecting to have much to do with them before DM starts promising new baby visits or similar.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 05/11/2015 17:55

In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter who knows first does it?

It won't make the tiniest bit of difference in anyones lives at all. Everyone is happy for you, I can't understand why you are so upset by that.

Original poster
Kittyfrickle · 05/11/2015 17:57

I think you may be right Scooby as from what i know they really liked the woman their son was with for 15 years before my mum and still had a picture of the two of them together up in their living room the only time I have been to visit his parents

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/11/2015 17:58

Honestly, you heard second hand that they're 'so excited'.

There's quite a possibility that they just said 'Oh how lovely', and bought a couple of bits while they were out.

I wouldn't worry about it.

pictish · 05/11/2015 17:59

Kitty, does it really matter who knows first? What's to be gained or lost by being the first or second people to know?

EsmesBees · 05/11/2015 18:03

Sounds like they are being a bit over enthusiastic to show they approve of their son's new relationship. I would accept the gifts with good grace, send them a nice photo to say thanks and think no more about it.

GrizzlebertGrumbledink · 05/11/2015 18:04

I think it's really lovely that they're excited, they clearly want you all as part of their family and that's a wonderful thing. Maybe they won't stay virtual strangers forever, who knows. As someone said earlier, more people to love your child is a good thing.

GrizzlebertGrumbledink · 05/11/2015 18:09

If relevant, one if my sons grandparents really doesn't want to know about him because his new wife gets upset when he's in contact with his 'old' family - so maybe that's why I'm having a difficult time seeing your point of view on this.

Gottagetmoving · 05/11/2015 18:14

Bearing in mind your mum's past with relationships, I can understand how you feel OP
I may be wrong but I sense you may be a bit irritated or bothered about her not having more stable relationships?
I think it is natural that you are not impressed with all their excitement when you don't expect them to be part of your lives for long and to you they are almost strangers who your mum is involved with but you are not.

Only time will tell whether it will be permanent but I can see you would be cynical about it.
Try to just accept them for now, without thinking long term but don't feel obliged to go out of your way to include them.
They may eventually become part of your life, so just be as friendly as you would to anyone who is kind enough to buy your child gifts.
YANBU to feel the way you do. Just give them a chance and see what happens.

memyselfandaye · 05/11/2015 18:21

Just accept it for now, most people love a newborn, then after a few weeks the novelty will wear off.

I had people visit me and buy things for us when I had a new baby that had never been to my house before, that was almost 5 years ago and they haven't been back since, because although your pregnancy and baby is the most important thing in the world to you, most other people are a bit meh.

If it really bothers you that much, tell your Mother, but really I think you're trying to create an issue where there isn't one.

Fwiw, my child's father wasn't even the 1st person I told I was pregnant, or 2nd when I think about it, doesn't matter what 'order' people must be informed.

pictish · 05/11/2015 18:23

Good post gottaget. I agree.

BackforGood · 05/11/2015 18:26

A lot of people like the idea of a new baby, and like to get a little gift.
When I had dc3, a colleague's Mum, knitted a series of little cardis and jumpers and hats and things in different sizes - I've never met this lady, but thought it was lovely of her.
Can't see why you would be upset at someone being pleased for you, and sharing your Mum's excitement, tbh.

voluptuagoodshag · 05/11/2015 18:28

My Mum knits something for any new born baby she hears about. It's just her thing. She doesn't interfere but just likes to give a new baby a wee cardigan or mitts. It's nice that they seem to be kind, caring folks. I can understand where you're coming from but all you have to do is accept any gifts with good grace and send a thank you card with a pic on it

SeaCabbage · 05/11/2015 18:32

I remember feelings like that with my first. It's like you haven't even got to hold your own child and you feel like other people can't wait to get their hands on it.

Hopefully you won't see much of them anyway.

Viviennemary · 05/11/2015 18:45

I think they're just being friendly and generous and interested in a new baby which is all quite normal. I don't think they expect to take over as some kind of step grandparents. And what is all this hopefully you won't see much of them. I doubt if they'll be visiting every day. I agree lots of people knit something for every newborn they hear about. Honestly, what is the world coming to.

Morebiscuitsplease · 05/11/2015 18:53

People are incredibly kind and generous when babies are born....enjoy it!! A new life is to be celebrated....maybe they are happy for your mum to have a grandchild. :)

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