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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Upload photos of teenagers pigsty of a bedroom onto FB

77 replies

hennipenni · 04/11/2015 17:32

My 2 teenage DD's share a room (14 and 18) and I'm sick to death of nagging them to tidy it up. The messy clothes I can deal with, what I can't are the cups, plates and fruit skins etc that are resembling a science experiment depicting the stages of decay!! Plus the frankly dangerous scissors left in the middle of the floor and straighteners left plugged in but switched off. So having nagged and nagged I've resorted to this threat. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Original poster

hennipenni · 04/11/2015 19:20

Thank you for all your considered responses, and for being called an "ineffective parent".

Yes it was an empty threat, I should have put that in the title but I didn't, so I apologise for that.

I asked if I was being unreasonable and it appears that I was, however, it is my house and my rules- all I ask for is that they keep their room clean, safe and tidy. I don't think that that is too much to ask for. They certainly aren't expected to do any other chores.

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 04/11/2015 19:23

Well at the very least keep your mindees out of their rooms!

EcclefechanTart · 04/11/2015 19:27

Please don't shame children like this. My parents did it to me repeatedly and it has left me with lifelong complexes. Shame is, in any case, very rarely a good motivator.

AnnaMarlowe · 04/11/2015 19:30

henni you're not at all unreasonable to want your house kept clean.

Original poster

hennipenni · 04/11/2015 19:38

Thankyou Anna, that is all I ask of them!

OP posts:

stopfaffing · 04/11/2015 19:46

YABU OP. I wouldn't post a pic of my teens rooms on fb, tidy or not. My method was giving a few days notice that I would be in to 'blitz' the room.

DS would tidy up adequately to prevent this . DD appreciated the help as she found it overwhelming (hoarder tendencies like her dad).

Mostly I left them to get on with it. Both live in flats now that are kept reasonably tidy.

AskBasil · 04/11/2015 20:02

"They certainly aren't expected to do any other chores."

Why the fuck not?

Sorry, not that you asked about that, but to be frank, if they are able-bodied and old enough, who is cleaning up their shit if they aren't?

Am I a wierdo? My DCs are 16 and 13 and I expect them to do chores every day, just like I do. Because they are able-bodied and we all live here and if you contribute to the mess, you contribute to the cleaning up of that mess. (And boy do they contribute to the mess.)

kali110 · 04/11/2015 20:03

A video went viral of a mother showing her daughters messy room and dirty habits.
It has not gone down well.
People have reported her to american version of ss for mental abuse.
I know she has got a lot of shit for posting the video. People really hate her.

Abidewithme3 · 04/11/2015 20:09

Hi op.

I am a cm and only register downstairs rooms as my
Kids rooms and mine are private.

When you work from home kids often don't get that you actually work! That you run a business!

I would de register their room myself or put a lock in the outside door if mindees need to use upstairs. That's for safety.

Now you need to get tough. Strike time. No washing, cooking, cleaning ironing or most importantly lifts or money

Or could you do the crying act? That world with teens. Go quiet, don't chat to them, stay aloof and that throws them if they are used to nagging then call a family meeting And lay out what you expect of them and what needs to change.

What is this bollocks of shaming children? the only problem with that is most teens don't do fb anymore! It's for the very young/middle aged and old.

Abidewithme3 · 04/11/2015 20:16

And you are in no way unreasonable op.

SurlyCue · 04/11/2015 20:20

What is this bollocks of shaming children?

How would you describe something done publicly to embarrass their children into behaving you you would like?

brokenhearted55a · 04/11/2015 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dameshazaba · 04/11/2015 20:26

I'm shocked. Your a child minder and a single room of your house is in that state???? Why is that OK?? If I was a parent and I had any inkling of that level of filth I'd think seriously about removing my child and calling ofstead. And shaming on facebook?? Do you want a relationship with them?? Horrified.

SuburbanRhonda · 04/11/2015 20:32

most teens don't do fb anymore! It's for the very young/middle aged and old.

Not true, abide. They do the other stuff as well as FB.

SuburbanRhonda · 04/11/2015 20:34

Or could you do the crying act?

I think you'll find that's called emotional blackmail, which is a shit thing to do to your DC.

kali110 · 04/11/2015 22:14

Middle aged? Young?
Think you maybe wrong there.
My friends range from 21-35 and they all use fb.

Yes, it is shaming.

Olivepip59 · 04/11/2015 22:39

Or could you do the crying act? That world with teens. Go quiet, don't chat to them, stay aloof and that throws them if they are used to nagging

Playing silly PA mind games with your kids?

I think you'll have a lot more to worry about down the line than a few mouldy cups and a pile of washing on the floor.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 04/11/2015 23:11

Or could you do the crying act? That world with teens. Go quiet, don't chat to them, stay aloof and that throws them if they are used to nagging

Yeah, my mum did that. I wouldn't recommend it, it's not great.

brokenhearted55a · 04/11/2015 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Abidewithme3 · 05/11/2015 00:08

Good god people. Seriously really do you honestly think teens are that fragile?

Mind you from the drama larma posts probably yours are?

Thank fuck I had kids who We could tease and laugh with and who teased us back.

I really shouldn't say this but only on mumsnet!

Abidewithme3 · 05/11/2015 00:11

surburban young teens yes, they do fb but older ones no they generally don't. It really is for middle aged/old/young teens now.

SurlyCue · 05/11/2015 00:17

Abide i'd love to know where you carried out your survey. I know shitloads of teens who all use FB.

Also, llama.

5madthings · 05/11/2015 00:19

I just turn wifi off.

Four boys 16, 13, 10, 7 and a 4 yr old, little ones I help tidy up but like fuck am I tidying teens bedroom for them, they don't have to keep it spotless, but I do expect food, rubbish etc to be put in the bin, they strip and change their bedsheets weekly and run the hoover round their room occasionally and all madthings pitch in around the house, no set chores but the rule is we all make the mess so we all help tidy up.

Yes they may moan occasionally but I have four boys, there is no bloody way I am bringing them up to think women run around after them doing everything. Theu are all learning household management and skills such as cooking, sorting laundry and just generally picking up after themselves.

I would not shame my kids on fb, I think this trend for public humiliation if kids is abhorrent tbh. But no wife, removal of privileges etc is the way we play it. Esp older teens that want freedoms and to be treated as an adult... Well act like one then and pitch in with what is expected. I don't expect perfection, but I do expect a bloody good go and to be treated with kindness and respect.

Picturesofmatchstickmen · 05/11/2015 00:29

I totally get this, I could have written your op. I have tried and failed for seven long years (since dd1 started puberty) and I am now so weary that I just open the door, sigh deeply and hold my head in my hands, before retreating to my otherwise tidy house. I have tried everything, including what hAs been mentioned already, but i give up. I still want to weep at the slobbiness of it, I couldn't sleep in there! I just cannot, cannot understand how they put up with being in there, I was never like that even as a teenager.

PiperChapstick · 05/11/2015 09:20

5mad it's really not fair for you to take yours sons wives off them as punishment

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