Upload photos of teenagers pigsty of a bedroom onto FB

[hennipenni]

My 2 teenage DD's share a room (14 and 18) and I'm sick to death of nagging them to tidy it up. The messy clothes I can deal with, what I can't are the cups, plates and fruit skins etc that are resembling a science experiment depicting the stages of decay!! Plus the frankly dangerous scissors left in the middle of the floor and straighteners left plugged in but switched off. So having nagged and nagged I've resorted to this threat. Am I being unreasonable?

Switch the Wi-fi off, till it's tidy. They'll have it done in no time

YABU. It's normal for teenagers to have a messy bedroom. When our DDs were teenagers the only rules we had about their rooms was they didn't have food in there and they didn't expect me or DH to tidy it. If your a childminder you do not let your mindees go into your DDs room. It should be their private place

As long as you don't mind them doing the same to you if you ever look a mess.

Don't lots of people shit on doors?

I used to let my dds get on with it until it got to the "health and safety issue" stage. I'd then tell them I'm was going upstairs with some black bin bags and anything on the floor would be put into them and taken to the charity shop dump.

It worked every time. I do think teenagers need a bit of autonomy over their bedroom though.

This is very interesting.

I would never shame my dc (and I think the op has probably got the message re fb) but as they get older, I will expect them to look after a room that we have provided for them. In fact, they have always had to muck in to look after our house. I'm a completely liberal, hippy dippy parent. I don't shout or nag but I do have very firm expectations of how we treat our environment and this extends to having respect for things bought for you and the room in which you store them. My parents had the same expectation and it wasn't draconian or an invasion of my privacy. It was my room but in a house they had paid for. I wouldn't have dreamt of leaving it in a state.

I'm probably in for a massive shock in a couple of years' time.

You arent great at thinking ahead are you OP? Lets say you post these photos of your house on fb. Then lets say someone sees them and thinks "hang on, she's a childminder! Thats not a safe environment for children!" And they take a screen shot and contact ofsted with the proof.

My DC's rooms are their own btw. They chose their own decor (DD has a Parisien, Les Miserables theme for example and it was all of her own devising) and part of allowing them their sanctuary, is trusting that they will look after it and have pride in it. I don't interfere with their rooms at all. I just expect them to look after them.

Please people read the OP, it was a threat!

Do it as long as you don't mind them uploading a picture of something that you do that they dislike.

I think it was a reasonable threat TBH . I also have an 18 year old and a 14 year old, although DSs not DDs.

I tidy & clean both of their bedrooms. I'm not invasive/nosey, I don't open drawers or touch under DS1's bed (it has storage in the bottom). They are both happy for me to do it, and are always really happy to come home from college or school and find the pit they left now has floor space. If either ever asked me not to do it then I would respect that. No idea what we'd do for cutlery or crockery though - a regular conversation between me & DS1 goes something like this;

Me: We seem to running low on bowls/forks/plates DS1. Are there any in your room?

DS1: No.

Me: Are you sure?

DS1: Yes, I brought them all down.

I can almost always guarantee that if I go upstairs & have a look I'll find the missing items. Maybe hidden under a discarded t-shirt, or amongst the rubbish, but they'll be there. If I never entered the room I'd have to buy fresh every week!

I wouldn't let your mindees go into your DDs' bedroom though. I'd probably put a high sliding lock on the outside to make sure.

Please people read the OP, it was a threat!

Do you know what threat means? It means you are going to do X if Y doesnt happen.

Do you mean it was an empty threat that you never intended to carry out? If so that was never expressed in your OP.

They are both happy for me to do it, and are always really happy to come home from college or school and find the pit they left now has floor space

i'll bet they are!

There is absolutely no point in making a threat that you are not prepared to carry out.

Your mindees should absolutely not be going into your daughters rooms - they are entitled to their privacy. Get a snib lock for the top of the door.

Confiscate their straighteners, makeup bags and wifi until the tidy it.

Consider that shortly there will be prospective employers looking for their facebook pages. Do you want them to see their room being shamed on face book?

I understand the motuvation, but it goea completely against the mebtal filter I use, and will try to encourage in DS to never put anything up that I wouldn't want the worst possible person to see

Never try that with boys, mine did a competition with friends (unrelated to Facebook).

Threats that worked in my house (with different children), with a deadline:

1. content of bedroom to be entirely put in garden to be able to access floor - not taken seriously, so executed nicely (nothing thrown by window). The little ones thought it was hilarious, teenager not amused at all.

2. Funds to be deducted from pocket money to pay for a cleaner (mainly me). Threat taken very seriously by teenagers, as (a) they would lose money and (b) mum would pock her nose everywhere.

It's YOUR house, your rules. Either they can be trusted to keep a reasonable bedroom (mess if fine, dirt and smell are not), or they have to be treated like babies and give you free access to everything. All teens I know like their privacy, so threats normally work quite well if you really follow through.

I change the WiFi password.

DS1 was once up til 1am tidying his room.

As long as you were always intending to use it as a threat only and not go through with it then yanbu.
Mine aren't teenagers yet but I do make them tidy their rooms. I don't think I would stand for pigsty rooms.
I would use such threats too to get it sorted.

Yes a safeguarding issue, I'm a childminder so have little ones who may venture into their room.

They shouldn't be in their room for any reason. Or yours for that matter. It's not like your own children where you are juggling sleep deprivation, housework, and your own work schedule. These kids are your actual job, you can pay attention and watch them while you're on the clock. So that's a bit of a non-point.

Shaming them on facebook just highlights what an ineffective parent you are that you need everyone else to parent for you instead to tell your children to clean their rooms.

That said, when I was younger, my parents threatened to throw out everything that wasn't put away. I didn't clean it and they did just that. There was less mess for me to keep track of and I never got some of my favorite toys back. I'd do something like that if it gets out of control again. Throw away all the clothes on the floor, or take away all clothes that aren't school uniform and a basic pair of jeans and a few boring white t-shirts. They'll have to earn it all back if they want to be fashionable again.

I always did the black bag thing as mine were growing up. I gave them a timescale, so on Tuesday I would say "anything not tidied by Saturday will be binned"! It always worked.

Now they are 17 & 14 and their rooms aren't too bad generally but if i do poke my head round (very rarely these days) and it's really bad I just turn the wifi off until they do it.

I have three [yes , bad planning!] teenage DSs and all their rooms are health hazards.

It doesn't help that their dad is an untidy pig too, so I just don't bother wasting my time any more. I really have better things to do with my time.

As for uploading to social media - don't ever ever do that - they will never forgive you. At some point they will grow out of it and you want to be on speaking terms when that happens.

Friends have found that when the big love of their life appears - the rooms are transformed overnight. In the case of my ES, his gay friend comes over every so often and fumigates the place, throwing stuff out for ES before he will even sit down in his room! He's at Uni now, so I really miss him during term times!

"They are both happy for me to do it, and are always really happy to come home from college or school and find the pit they left now has floor space"

Your future DIL will love you.

My DH threatens DD with the throwing everything out idea which makes me really uncomfortable. I wouldn't resort to FB shaming either although I can really understand the temptation.

My DD is 11 and I tend to end up doing it with her. Even if she doesn't do much she has to at least keep me company and not be off having fun while I'm doing the donkey work. She's improving slightly as she's getting very into skin care and makeup thanks to her Zoella habit, and hates anyone moving her products but is an absolute nightmare with her clothes which really does my head in

I like the idea of deducting the going rate of cleaner from her pocket money - will definitely make a mental note of that one for future use!