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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say no to my 8y.o travelling on the back of a motorbike?

86 replies

MissWimpyDimple · 04/11/2015 16:54

DDs dad has had a change in his working hours that mean that he now can't drive to work.

In turn this means that for his weekly overnights with DD, he wants to collect her on his motorbike.

She is a skinny lightweight 8y.o and we are talking about half an hour in rush hour traffic for each journey.

I have said no. Apparently I am being unreasonable. There are easy alternatives but he doesn't like the thought of them because it would mean he doesn't get home in time to bath his other kids. (But we are talking about once or twice a week at the most).

I'm sick of him bullying me into things I don't think are right- but am I being overprotective here?

OP posts:

Schrodingersmum · 06/11/2015 09:32

Retired theatre nurse here, we used to refer to bikes as donor cycles for a very good reason, threatened husband with divorce if he ever got one and my kids know just how dangerous they are from tragic memories of work. Please just say no

Drew64 · 06/11/2015 09:49

AS others have said on here there is no law or guidance on this as long as the pillion passenger can reach the footpegs.

Only you know your DDs Dad so;
How long has he been riding?
What bike does he ride?
Where will he be riding? (Area, sorts of roads)
Will your DD be fitted for a GOOD helmet?
Will she be provided with leathers and gloves?

As long as she has a decent helmet and protective clothing (boot's, gloves, leathers) and he is a sensible rider I wouldn't have a problem with it.

PS, I used to commute 60 mile a day on a motorbike

Salene · 06/11/2015 09:57

Drew64

I can't believe as a biker you would take a child on the back, do you have kids..?

Both myself and husband are life long bikers , we recently had our first child and no way on this earth could I ever contemplate taking him on it in the future

You must see day in day out idiot car drivers trying to kill you , esp being a commuter. The risk of riding is huge.

Both myself and husband think anyone who would even consider taking a child on a bike are insane.

I can understand non bikers thinking about it as unless you have been on a bike it's hard to grasp the concept of how poor car drivers really can be.

It's like most of them drive around with there eyes painted on

Where we live during the main biking months there is a bike accident weekly and at least a death every few weeks. It's terrible :-(

Thecatisatwat · 06/11/2015 10:18

How is the passenger held on? I assumed they just hold on to the waist of the driver or have handles or something. If so I certainly wouldn't trust/want to put that responsibility on an 8 year old. (But then I wouldn't drive my 9yo anywhere without checking she'd put the seat belt on whereas I know people who would.)

MrsBojingles · 06/11/2015 10:27

No way.

Drew64 · 06/11/2015 10:29

Salene,

Yes I would and yes I have taken a child on the back of my bike, guess what! We are all still alive.
Then again I do ride round like I am invisible and am a very safe rider.
'biking months' what are they? I used to commute year in year out in all weather and I ride a touring bike.
In all the miles and years I have ridden I have never had an accident.

Never ever would I take anyone pillion without the correct personal protective equipment.

UsedtobeFeckless · 06/11/2015 10:38

No.

DP dispatched for years and has lost count of the number of times he's been sent down the road by half-witted cars pulling out on him ... He's never taken our two on the back either. You can be the safest rider in the world and it won't help you - you'll always be the one to suffer for somebody else's mistake!

Drew64 · 06/11/2015 10:46

Bin lorrys mount the kerb and kill people too.

It's ALL about observation!

lostoldlogin2 · 06/11/2015 10:52

I used to ride a motorbike. Not only would I not ride one myself, alone, now thst I have a child because of the risks but there is zero possibility that I would take take child on the back.

donajimena · 06/11/2015 10:52

Sadly twice this year close friends and family have been involved in motorcycle accidents where the rider has died. One rider was a family member and the friend has caused the accident that lead to the death of the rider . He wasn't driving excessively fast. He just didn't see him.
Two dead. Just like that.
drew you have been extremely lucky. You could have easily been in their position. In both cases it was not the motorcyclists fault.
As a family we have been shattered by the death. There is another family out there shattered by the inattention of my friend

BreakingDad77 · 06/11/2015 11:15

To my knowledge most low speed motorbike accidents are not the motorcyclists fault (ie hit by cars etc) so the skill etc of the rider etc is moot as they could have been hit anyway through no fault of their own.

High speed accidents ones generally the motorcyclists fault driving too fast for the conditions/ a bike beyond their skills.

YesICanHearYouClemFandango · 06/11/2015 11:18

Fuck no. No no no no no.

TheCunnyFunt · 06/11/2015 12:00

My DH used to have a moped, then when he turned 17 he swapped to a car but he always said he wanted a proper motorbike. Then a year or so later he witnessed a horrific accident where a car pulled out onto a dual carriageway right in front of a motorbike doing 60mph. The 40yr old man and his 15yr old son died instantly. The worst thing is, the driver of the car was from Pakistan, when he was arrested they discovered his student visa had long since expired, they deported him back to Pakistan. The case went to court, my DH (then DP) had to give evidence, the man was found guilty so they let the authorities in Pakistan know that he had to serve a sentence, only to find out that they had 'lost' him. So he got away scott free with causing death by dangerous driving.

DH changed his mind about bikes very swiftly after that. Also, in his job he occasionally has to mop up the roads after bike accidents. And I do mean mop up, after the ambulances have taken the casualties away, there can be all kinds of body parts smeared all over the road. A lot of blood, often flesh where it's been ripped off the body by being dragged along tarmac if the rider hadn't been wearing proper biking gear.

You are not being unreasonable, not at all. I would never allow my DD to ride pillion, even if the rider was sensible, there are plenty of other idiots on the roads.

Hurr1cane · 06/11/2015 12:01

Yeah on most bikes you basically hold on to the rider, or you can get a belt for the rider with handles in so you can hold on to them, or you can get a grab rail which sits on the back of the passengers seat so you hold on from behind.

And on a sports bike without a non slip thug on the seat, you have to told on very fucking right to avoid flying into the rider as you go over the tiniest bump.

I've never seen a child riding pillion.

Hurr1cane · 06/11/2015 12:02

Non slip THING! There are no thugs on my seat I promise.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 06/11/2015 12:04

I've seen kids in London on the back of moped's on the school run but they are few and far between and usually in the summer months only on quiet residential roads before the parents head on into the City proper.

A proper motorbike in city traffic. Not a hope in hell. it's not the motorbike or the driver/rider it's all the other idiots who don't see them coming. The acceleration is just so quick.

What's he going to do with her overnight stuff, school bag, kit bag, art projects etc???

Don't let yourself be bullied.

KitZacJak · 06/11/2015 12:11

No way, I would hate this situation and would worry that he would take my child on it at other times that I don't know about.

VocationalGoat · 06/11/2015 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClaudoftheRings · 06/11/2015 12:20

Interesting thread.

What do people think of 8 year olds on mopeds in busy traffic? DSS rides pillion with a rucksack full of books and kit on his back. I find it really worrying.

UnicornPooStillStinks · 06/11/2015 13:37

When your skin is being torn off by the tarmac it makes no difference if you're on a bike or moped at 30 MPH

hefzi · 06/11/2015 14:13

Ex-biker here (result of accident and inability now to manage a bike, not someone who's given up because of the risks): 8 years old, in the winter, slim, for half an hour in rush hour, driven by a dad who hasn't been riding for a while? No chance, none, never. As others have said, especially in rush hour, it's the other idiots who are the danger - and winter brings with it bad weather, ice, fog, and generally more chance for accidents to happen when caused by other people. At 8, I would have thought it would be tiring too, especially if she's not the hefty type - honestly, I don't think YABU: she's just not old enough, apart from everything else.

Pantah630 · 06/11/2015 14:38

Just to give a completely opposite view to Salene, another life long biker here, rides daily as does DH and DS1. I quite happily take my DSs on the back and have since they were both old enough to a/ be sensible on the seat and hold on properly b/ reach the foot pegs comfortably without me modifying them...strangely they were both 5/6 when this happened, I expected it to be later but then they've grown up with it and regularly sat on the tank or infront of us to ride up the drive from much, much younger. I still get twitchy when DS1 (25 now) is out on his bike, he doesn't drive a car so he commutes as well as riding for pleasure, he also races on track and am getting very twitchy as DS2 is 16 next month and will be riding then, although he isn't really bothered either way.

Personally as you don't ride and I'm assuming don't trust your XHs riding that you stick to your guns. I prefer to take DS2 myself but I have no problem trusting either DH or DS1 taking DS2 pillion but I wouldn't let anyone else as I have a hard time trusting other road users. The majority of bikers/motorcyclists these days are car drivers who occasionally ride bikes for leisure. As a family we are bikers that ride daily and occasionally get in the car to take the dog further afield. Our mindset is completely different, everyone on the road is not so much out to get you but completely disinterested that you are there and doesn't bother to look, get off their phone, etc,etc... therefore you are always on point and expecting them to do their worst, you can't be blasé riding a bike, it's very easy to be when driving a car.

Topseyt · 06/11/2015 18:15

NO!! NEVER.

DH had a motorbike for a couple of years. He knew that I would have divorced him if he had ever taken the kids on it. He never did.

After a few close shaves and frights, plus finding out the limitations of the motorbike un bad weather, I am relieved to say that he sold it and went back to a car.

He likes to cycle at times on a push-bike now (usually racer) and whilst I still have some reservations about that, at least it isn't powered, keeps fitness up, and best of all CANNOT TAKE A PILLION PASSENGER!

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 08/11/2015 20:07

Can anyone else who wants to make a 'donor cycle' or 'organ donor' joke just fuck right off. These are real people, much missed by their friends and family, that you are denigrating and laughing at.

Question for the 'hell no" brigade - do you allow your children to ride bicycles/ tagalongs etc? Cyclists are just as vulnerable as bikers and their casualty rate is rising, unlike the rate for bikers which has been steady for many years.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 08/11/2015 20:09

Comment for unicorn - your skin is only torn off by the tarmac if you aren't wearing proper gear. Speaking as someone who has been down several roads on my arse and still has an intact skin.

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