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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say no to my 8y.o travelling on the back of a motorbike?

86 replies

MissWimpyDimple · 04/11/2015 16:54

DDs dad has had a change in his working hours that mean that he now can't drive to work.

In turn this means that for his weekly overnights with DD, he wants to collect her on his motorbike.

She is a skinny lightweight 8y.o and we are talking about half an hour in rush hour traffic for each journey.

I have said no. Apparently I am being unreasonable. There are easy alternatives but he doesn't like the thought of them because it would mean he doesn't get home in time to bath his other kids. (But we are talking about once or twice a week at the most).

I'm sick of him bullying me into things I don't think are right- but am I being overprotective here?

OP posts:

Original poster

MissWimpyDimple · 04/11/2015 18:02

Thanks. Consensus definitely with me then! He is an experienced rider but hasn't ridden for a few years.

When I say rush hour, I mean large city where I live to smaller town along the coast, busy roads, some dual carriageway.

He would certainly get her the right gear, but no end of gear is going to protect her if he has an accident really...

No, even if it means me borrowing a car and driving her I'm going to put my foot down!

OP posts:

UnicornPooStillStinks · 04/11/2015 18:05

No.

I was going on my Dads bike from ages 6, he had a back/top box and rails so we felt secure, and 30 odd years ago I think the roads were safer. I loved it.

DH & I also used to ride bikes. We stopped when we had the DC.

No way in a million years would I let my kids ride on a bike.

Original poster

MissWimpyDimple · 04/11/2015 18:05

Hunni I think if it wasn't early mornings/dark evenings/all weathers I would potentially consider it. I know he wouldn't put her at risk deliberately but this is just a risk that doesn't need to be taken!

OP posts:

VimFuego101 · 04/11/2015 18:06

There's a reason they call them 'donorcycles'. I wouldn't even let this happen over my dead body. It's no reflection on his abilities as a rider, it's other drivers.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 04/11/2015 18:08

That's very offensive, Vim

OP, if you want to meet him halfway, why not say not now and you'll think about it again in the spring? It's really not a good time to start riding, especially if he's only recently back on 2 wheels.

Pipestheghost · 04/11/2015 18:09

No way, I'm amazed kids are even allowed to do this

munkisocks · 04/11/2015 18:12

When our dd gets a bit older I wouldn't let her on the back of husbands sports bike but his Harley feels a lot safer so may let her on that. He's a careful biker. I think it depends on how safe he us and the type of bike.

hunibuni · 04/11/2015 18:20

It would be a no from me with those roads and with the winter coming. Summer time with good visibility and dry roads is very different to winter riding.

molyholy · 04/11/2015 18:29

Put simply - fuck that!!!! A very long time ago my aunties friend was riding pillion and was involved in an accident. She wasn't even 20 and had her whole life ahead of her. After the accident she had brain damage and spent the rest of her short life in bed unable to walk, before she died. The biker was very experienced and she had the right kit etc. No way would I allow the most precious thing in my life get on the back of a bicycle. I am glad you are not going to allow your dc.

molyholy · 04/11/2015 18:31

Motorcycle not bicycle

Salene · 04/11/2015 18:36

I think the type of bike or type of rider or experience has nothing to do with it , if a car pulls out in you at the last minute there is nothing you can do...

It's happens every single day in uk, bikers being killed is a frequent occurrence sadly

It should be illegal for under 16 to ride as pillion, it's utter madness in my eyes & a lot of bikers I know.

Your husband is just going to have to fine alternative to his logistics of collecting your DD.

Stand your ground in this one

It's better he calls you all the awkward cows under the sun than you end up with your DD in a coffin which could quite easily happen.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 05/11/2015 20:19

salene training and experience help you spot the drivers who are likely to pull out on you, and plan what you would do if they did. Of course no-one is immortal, but experience really does count for a lot. That's why. I'd suggest that a non-confrontational strategy for OP here is to say that he must build up his experience again before she'll consider this.

Timeforanamechangey · 05/11/2015 20:35

I'm a biker and I wouldn't let ds on the back just yet (same age).

Houseofmirth66 · 05/11/2015 20:51

I took both of mine to school on the back of a scooter (not at the same time) from when they were about 8 and I think it's much safer than those parents I see cycling with their children in a glorified bucket on the front. Partly because you can travel at the same speed as the traffic but also because the protection you wear on a scooter is so much more robust than cycle wear. I think, if he's careful it would be fine.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 05/11/2015 21:09

My dad used to take me on motorcycles from when I was six. However, that was on an island with virtually no traffic and big, wide roads. He would never have done it in the UK.

Blankiefan · 05/11/2015 21:20

I was on the back of my dad's motorbike from 7yo. There's nothing cooler than your dad picking you up from school on his motorbike when you're 7!

My dad would've been about 30 at the time. He's a sensible rider. I was safe. I was regularly on the back of his bike til I left home at 18 (maybe every other week or so - maybe for up to a couple of hours at times).

I would let my dd on the back of Granda's motor bike at a similar age.

If he's a sensible guy who loves ger, I think you should let her. If he's a bit of a fanny, maybe not so much.

Senpai · 05/11/2015 21:59

Depends. Is she tall enough to legally ride?

Unfortunately, if she's legally able to ride, you might get in trouble for blocking contact. Or, he might just take her on a ride when you're not around. I'd prepare for worst case scenario and make sure she has the proper protective gear even if you have to buy it yourself.

On a personal note, I was riding the back of my father's motorcycle at 13 he even let me drive it once or twice to learn (yes, I did tip over more often than not). He'd test how fast his bike could go with us racing down country road with sharp hills so it felt like a rollar coaster. My mother would have killed him had she found out. They were good memories though and I still smile thinking back on it.

When DD is older, I'm sure she'll happily be riding on the back of my father's bike as well. But I'm not sure I'd let her at 8 years old. Maybe at 12 when she's old enough to understand rider safety outside "mom says not to do it".

Roomba · 05/11/2015 22:30

If he's a sensible guy who loves ger, I think you should let her. If he's a bit of a fanny, maybe not so much.

The thing is, it has nothing to do with how sensible a rider he is. It is all the car and lorry drivers around him, in the dark, in winter, on wet or icy roads that are the worry!

This would be a big no no no for me. I try hard not to interfere in what my ex does with the kids as I feel if he was sensible enough for me to choose to have kids with him, I need to trust what he does with them as he is generally sensible and is their parent just as much as I am. But over y dead body would he ever take them on a bike like this!

Crazypetlady · 06/11/2015 00:19

YANBU

I can't believe he would even suggest it. It does not bear thinking about.

ChristinaParsons · 06/11/2015 00:31

Just for perspective. Riding a horse is 20 times more dangerous than riding a motorbike.

kippersmum · 06/11/2015 00:43

No, never. I live in the home of the TT. We live on a daily basis with roads closed with accidents due to people coming over & thinking they are a member of the Dunlop family :(

I love bikes & bikers. Put my 8 yr old on the back of one? No.

Plomino · 06/11/2015 00:51

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-23663176

General consensus from a very popular bikers forum was that they couldn't understand why the boy was pillion . No. Just no.

Euripidesralph · 06/11/2015 02:26

Hell no and both DH and I are bikers.... I asked DH what he thought and he looked at me like I was nuts and said "no fing way should a father suggest that it's not safe"

He's not verbose bless him but he makes his point !!

AlongcameMolly · 06/11/2015 03:09

No way in the world would I allow this.

sashh · 06/11/2015 09:16

Genuinely surprise it's legal. Have never seen a child as passenger on a motorbike

Says a lot about those of us with bike licences and how we feel about children pillion.

Incidentally the guy who taught me to ride used to take his son, until his son asked him 'dad how fast are we going?' over his shoulder, he'd stood up on the seat - he didn't get to go pillion after that.

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