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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dad's dog at Christmas

36 replies

WellyMummy · 02/11/2015 22:44

I'm a single parent. I have 2 DDs. We have several dogs.

My only other family is my father who lives several hours away. He is on his own but also owns a dog.

Dad is invited to Christmas and we would really like him to be with us. He has been here for the past few years. The dog came the first year, doesn't mix with my dogs and sheds hair everywhere. He is a lovely dog but highly excitable. 6 months ago I made it clear that the dog was not welcome here for Christmas and to look for an alternative for the dog. He has looked for alternatives but not found anything. I even suggest a kennels local to me but he won't consider kennelling the dog, so the only option is to ask someone to look after the dog in their own home or his.

AIBU to hold out that he is very welcome for Christmas but the dog is not? I don't know what he'd do for Christmas but would likely not be alone.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 02/11/2015 22:46

You've given him six months to find a walker, house sitter or kennels. He chooses not to put the dog in kennels. Fine. But then he has to make alternative Christmas arrangements.

AddToBasket · 02/11/2015 22:49

Can he leave the dog in the car? So a bit in the house maybe a walk then put the dog back in the car.

You aren't being unreasonable but this is one of those how-much-do-you-do-for-your-guests dilemmas and different hosts have differnt levels of tolerance. I'd try to accommodate the dog for a close family member, but probably not for anyone else.

DragonsCanHop · 02/11/2015 22:49

What has he done with the dog for the last few years?

MidniteScribbler · 02/11/2015 22:51

Is the dog crate trained? That could be an option if the dog can be in the crate except for walks.

honeyroar · 02/11/2015 22:56

Can't you give it another try? I'd hate to leave my dog in kennels too. Or make him Hoover for you and take it for a long walk each morning to tire it out?

BlueMoonRising · 02/11/2015 23:00

How many dog walkers/kennels/pet sitters actually work Xmas day? I don't know the answer, but wouldn't be surprised to find that he wasn't able to find anyone available.

Personally I'd try to find a solution that involved having the dog at yours but it's your call.

Original poster
WellyMummy · 02/11/2015 23:06

Add - I don't like dogs around at mealtimes, so mine are already shut up for a significant minority of the day. His dog is more hyper when in my house, opposite gender to mine and unsettles my dogs even if they don't mix directly.
The year he brought the dog I felt a lot of pressure to shut my dogs up so his could be about. The dog created a lot of mess, unintentionally. Dad is house proud but wouldn't tidy up in my house.
In the years since he brought the dog the dog has stayed with his partner, they split up this year.
I understand that it's a point of hospitality but it's not something I would expect and I've made my view clear and have given plenty of notice. Also, about hospitality, last year he bought presents for my children (including a present I had specifically asked not to receive) but nothing for me. We don't exchange presents but there was NOTHING, no contribution to Christmas or as a house gift, not even garage forecourt flowers!

OP posts:
Chattymummyhere · 02/11/2015 23:08

I think you've given him plenty of time to arrange something. A lot of kennels/pet sitters/walkers operate over Christmas it's a busy time for them and they charge more because so many people go away. If your dogs and his dog don't get along there is no point in him bringing the dog.

Duck90 · 02/11/2015 23:11

Based on the information above, I would have the dog over for Christmas. You have several dogs, so one that sheds shouldn't be too awful (but annoying).

It was excitable in the past, maybe it has mellowed with age?

Poor dog, has it not been socialised?

Paperthin · 02/11/2015 23:12

I think it would be sad if your Dad didn't come, and quite upsetting for him I expect. I do understand about the dog , especially the shedding, as my dog sheds and it's annoying. I am guessing his dog is his main company at home ( assuming you dad lives alone - sorry if I am wrong), so the dog and he will probably miss each other terribly too. I would be tempted to try an arrangement where the dog can be walked, fed etc but kept to just one or two rooms? Maybe the utility room if you have one?

Duck90 · 02/11/2015 23:13

Oops, my response was to the first post from op.

Paperthin · 02/11/2015 23:14

Oops mine too! Sorry cross post OP.

attheendoftheday · 02/11/2015 23:26

I actually think you should let the dog come, but be clear you won't be shutting your dogs up and he will need to supervise and clear up any mess.

It seems mean to exclude a family member due to no dog care. Especially as you have dogs yourself!

overthemill · 02/11/2015 23:29

But he could have dog care, he just doesn't want kennels. Its unreasonable of him to expect it - it's great if you can easily accommodate a guests dog but completely reasonable to give 6 months notice that you can't. I think you are being fair. Having a dog to stay is stressful ( we have a dog and we wouldn't impose)

TravellingHopefully12 · 02/11/2015 23:33

Can he put an advert up on Gumtree looking for someone to dogs over Christmas, and then interview and get references so he knows they are trustworthy? We house and cat sat one Christmas and New Year, no payment but we had a place to live on the other side of the city and it was lovely being in charge of an animal (our own flat didn't allow them at the time, but we both love them.)

I'm sure you're Dad could find someone in a similar situation (ie. a couple of animal lovers who aren't allowed a pet of their own.)

Original poster
WellyMummy · 02/11/2015 23:48

The house can't be sectioned off to allow dogs in different parts.
I don't have dogs in bedrooms, but he would expect his in his room, I can compromise on that. His dog can't go in the utility room - that's where mine are if they're not about the house! The utility room is the dog's room where their bed is, it's definitely off limits to his dog.
He wouldn't consider Gumtree and whilst I would I understand why he wouldn't.

OP posts:
attheendoftheday · 03/11/2015 00:07

What about trying borrowmydoggy.com for an at home dogsitter?

I take it your dogs don't get along so can't go in together?

RandomMess · 03/11/2015 00:07

No chance his ex will look after it still?

TBH I think YANBU he's had 6 months notice, it obviously doesn't mean that much to him to be with you all for Christmas does it?

ChiefInspectorBarnaby · 03/11/2015 04:06

I think you should let the dog stay but if that's a big deal and you'd rather say no to the dog and resign your dad to spending Christmas alone then maybe he's better off without you anyway.

Senpai · 03/11/2015 06:35

If you have several dogs already, I have a hard time understanding why you can't have one more for just a day? Surely if your dogs were well trained and socialized they'd be quiet and settle down back to routine after an hour or two.

I understand it's a matter of not respecting your boundaries, and I can see the irritation. But, when you have a bunch of dogs already, not allowing one more just seems petty to be honest.

I would make it clear though that he is to clean up after it, and your dogs are not going to be pushed to the side.

ShebaShimmyShake · 03/11/2015 07:08

Did someone seriously suggest just leaving the dog in the car for pretty much the entire time?

Bunbaker · 03/11/2015 07:15

That's a bit harsh Barnaby. I wouldn't have someone else's dog in my house regardless of who they are.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 03/11/2015 07:42

Kennels isn't straightforward - I can't always kennel my dog because some insit on Kennel Cough vaccinations, which many vets regard as utterly pointless. I'm not willing to give my dog pointless drugs, he's already on plenty of essential ones. So no kennels for us.

Notoedike · 03/11/2015 07:46

Try finding a local sitter with Dogbuggy.com

LumelaMme · 03/11/2015 08:18

Dogs are not the same... visiting dogs don't know the house rules, get over-excited, wind up the resident dogs... So the argument that you already have dogs so one more doesn't matter is not actually fair. We have dogs, but most visiting dogs are a pita, however nice they are out on walks or in their own homes.

But NOOOO! You cannot leave a dog in the car - that is just not fair on the dog!

What it boils down to is that the father is more concerned about kennelling his dog than about seeing his DGC over Christmas. YANBU, I think: I'd be pissed off in your shoes.