To think if a man has an affair, he should at least have the decency to be discreet?

[downandoutlorelai]

Exactly that really. DP had an emotional affair (non sexual, but they did kiss) with a slightly younger OW. All has been forgiven, but I have just found out he wasn't exactly being discreet and some of his close friends are aware after he confided in them. The affair happened a while ago, but I am annoyed he told people and further annoyed it still seems to be a topic of conversation amongst them 1 year later.

Only saving grace is that when OW is mentioned amongst his friends it is in a negative light.

AIBU to be peeved?

He's still mentioning her?! WTAF?!

I think he still has the torch for her. Sorry op.

Cookie, that is my worry. 1 year on, and he still can't forget.

Maybe you and your DH need to unite in telling your friends "It happened. It was wrong. We're putting it behind us. Shut up about it"

It sounds like he still has feelings for her.

It may just be that he is relishing in his stud like status among his friends. (I apologise, I know that's harsh)

He gets to remind everyone that he got to have his cake and eat it to.

^^too

To answer your question: YANBU - it's over a year??!!

But you already know this. Your H is continuing to be disrespectful towards you, and isn't very sad or sorry about his affair. He's taking the mick, tbh.
Sorry OP, this is difficult for you. Could you talk it through with a counsellor or a very level-headed friend?

And don't talk about him/her to your acquaintances. Nowt to do with them and you know they won't tell the truth.

OP, I feel terrible for you.
I can understand, it's one thing being a swords secret affair, it's a complete other thing when other people know, and she is discussed openly. It's rubbing salt in the wounds completely.
Can I just ask, because there is a difference- do the people he talks to about her know her? Or do they only know of her through him talking about her? If they do know her, how so?

If he is still talking about her a year on he's well out of order, and should be told so. He isn't putting your marriage first discussing her....
He should be trying to make you feel like it was the right thing not locking him to the kerb.

Its very rare that they only kissed to be honest. Maybe you unconsciously know that there is more to it than kissing. As someone else said, they are adults. Sex is usually involved. You have only been told the minimum. Sorry

They know her as they used to all work together

Definitely just kissing, I have solid evidence of no sex. However I have no doubt he would have slept with her if the circumstances were right.

The affair hurt you and telling he's friends made a fool of you, but he has to carrying on making a fool of you by not letting it die. How gutting.

How can you have solid evidence of no sex?

How can you have solid evidence of no sex?

Unless your husband has no cock then you don't have solid proof they didn't have sex.

I find it quite concerning that he and his friends don't say nice things about her. I mean obviously you don't want him to be raving about how great she is, but she meant something to him and now to speak badly of her is a bit like transferring any 'badness' from himself onto her. Also, it kind of means he used her for his needs at the time but isn't prepared to own up to that and say that he did a shitty thing to her and to you. And the fact he's still talking about it is so so disrespectful to you and also makes me think he hasn't really moved on, mentally, and is still somehow enjoying the excitement of the affair because something is missing now.

I imagine solid evidence of no sex would be something like messages talking about how much they wanted to have sex for the first time. I totally understand the urge to scoff at 'just a kiss' (was my urge too) but I guess sometimes it is. Tbh the emotional intimacy would bother me more than a shag anyway.

Sorry down but I remember your thread from last month. Your dp had an affair for 4 months that you know of and was planning on leaving you when the time was right, for the other woman. He wouldn't have done all that for just a kiss. Sex had to be involved for it to have gone on for so long surely. I think you don't know all there is to know unfortunately. I know it would be opening a can of worms and you may not want to go there which is fair enough. But, it most likely wasn't just kissing.

He had an operation, bandaged for almost a year. Out of action that whole period.

on his penis?

How do I delete a post? Sorry, have just outed myself.

Gosh!

Report your post

I've reported it and said you want it deleted.
Op, this is part of the shame that you are feeling.
Is he feeling shame?
Is he working on your marriage?
Is he regretful?
Trustworthy?
I think those are the things you must concentrate on.

People like his friends really annoy me, they're just disappointed the story ended so there is nothing to be wondering and gossiping about. Your partner most definitely should not have got involved with someone from work as it is so close to home. If he is to be believed that it was no more than a kiss and unlike others I think this is possible, then clearly everyone was waiting for it to move on. If your partner mentions her too I would presume it's also still on his wish list.

His close friends are going behind his back and confiding in you that your husband is still going on about the OW. Don't you think his friends are risking their relationships with your DH to try to warn you?!