To think living on one salary is difficult and understand why women end up in unsuitable relationships

[Itsallexpensive]

My new job pays very well (£45,000) and that's all good.

I was musing. If I was with a man who earned even the average salary for the UK which according to google is £26,000 - as a household our income would be over £70,000 which would obviously mean riches beyond my wildest dreams.

As it is, as a single parent, I am restricted - if I mentally 'divide' my salary in two it's more like £23000 which is below the national average.

I understand then the desire to have a relationship - any - due to the costs associated with living.

Is there a way round this?

AnyoneButAndre thank you for doing the maths.

I am sadly not surprised, but do feel that a lot of people aren't "getting" it.

The OP is not saying that she, on her salary, needs to find a partner.

She's saying that she can understand why people on lower salaries would choose to stay in less-than-happy relationships, or enter into ill-advised relationships, because living alone is so expensive.

Yes, I doubt many people move in with unsuitable partners to save money, but half the married couples around are probably staying together for that reason.

I live in a nice house in a nice area. Separately, we could only afford much less nice houses in much less nice areas.

We're doing OK just now, but during rocky patches in the past its the love of my home that's kept me here.

Yes, you're right. And it's easy for those of us who live with kind partners and would be able to find somewhere else to live if they turned to forget that.

I think you are being unrealistic about the cost of another adult. Food, clothes, transport to work, socialising, council tax, heating when they are there alone, etc etc. that would fairly eat into a second salary. You do not need to divide your salary in 2.

I get what you are saying OP, totally. However, none of my married friends really understand what it's like to be the only earning adult, with no other adult in the house at all.
Most of my married, mortgaged friends think they are skint. Everyone of them has a mortgage that is less than the private rent I was until recently paying by myself.
One of my colleagues expressed surprise I had not been abroad in 10 years. I told her to imagine she and her boyfriend were going on holiday, only he had no money, and she had to pay for his flight, accommodation, food, spending money, restaurants. .. "oh..." she said, comprehension dawning.
I don't think relationships begin for this reason, but here are many many people in partnerships for the sake of the house and lifestyle, hell yeah.

Nobody is saying that you enter into a relationship JUST for a second income.

But when you mentally weigh up the pros and cons, money is there,

In some circumstances it might just tip the balance.

You wouldn't think to yourself "if it weren't for money I wouldn't do this", but it could be making the difference.

I'm in this situation. I didn't plan it! I've effectively split with "D" p, and still living in the same house. I pay for myself and dd. He pays the bills. We live in a nice house in a nice area. It's his house. My income is about 14k gross. His is about 50k. I'm still trying to work out if I could live on my own with dd until she leaves school, and still have a reasonable quality of life. I think not.

So I'm here, at least until I can guarantee a similar lifestyle.

Trills "She's saying that she can understand why people on lower salaries would choose to stay in less-than-happy relationships, or enter into ill-advised relationships, because living alone is so expensive."

she is and I absolutely get that and know people in that situation. I was just puzzled about some of the other ways she expressed herself, like quarter of a person on council tax.

also, there isn't a one size fits all. For example, there is no way I could share my tiny flat with someone - so if they earned the same as me and we needed more space, I would automatically be worse off because of the extra mortgage payment. So there are a lot of variables. I am also very much a home person so if someone wanted to go out a lot, that would definitely cause issues on a joint budget.

I have a good friend, living with her husband and two kids in a large house in London. They are both on decent money, she earns a fair bit more than him. They basically hate each other a d are really unhappy. I don't know that she would agree, but it's really hard to be around the two of them with the constant sniping, and it must be affected their children.
Thing is, if they sold their 4 bed house, the proceeds wouldn't be enough to buy 2x 3 bed houses in the same area, or in any area in zone 2/3. So, my friends can either continue to endure an unhappy marriage, or they can suck up the fact that they are going to be jointly raise their kids in 2 bed flats.Nice 2 bed flats, I'm sure, but a bit step down from what they are used to.
I really think that if they lived somewhere cheaper they would have split by now.

if a balance needs tipping it is clearly not a relationship worth having anyway

You sound as if you have a very black and white view of the world.

Most people's lives are more nuanced than that.