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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please stop me being a bridezilla...

78 replies

chelle792 · 02/11/2015 08:42

Getting married on Saturday. I've been really chilled about everything so far and have not been demanding, rude or uppity with anyone about anything (honest!).

It's a relaxed do with no table plan, no formal meal, speeches, etc.

I've bought three wedding dresses (cheepo ones) - all rather complicated because I lost my baby so wasn't going to be as fat as intended.

I've since been in a really dark place but now out the other side again. Ish. Although now the groom has tonsillitis and is horribly poorly.

Anyway, there's my background. Here's my aibu. Well, I know iabu but I want to get over it.

I've spent a fortune on disposable cameras and my plan is to develop them and distribute photos to the relevant people. A family member has said that it's unreasonable for me to request that people don't put photos on facebook or take pictures on their phones. The groom doesn't even have facebook so doesn't want his pictures published anyway. A friend then said she would fill a whole disposable camera up with selfies of herself so I have to get them all printed (expensive!!)

My reasoning... At my hen do on Saturday, it felt like people spent more time taking selfies, editing pictures, posting pictures than actually connecting amd engaging with each other.

I really don't want photos all over everyone's phones. That's it. Please be kind because I'm really upset about this its very rare that I get upset or annoyed about anything.also very rare that I ever stand up for myself I wish I never bought the disposable cameras in the first place now!

OP posts:
regenerationfez · 02/11/2015 11:44

Who has a tantrum about following the brides wishes at their wedding? She sounds like a guestzilla!

On a serious point, do you think you are projecting angst on this so you dont have to think about your scan? perfectly understandable, and may mean it wont be a problem in a couple of days, because the day would have passed. When I had my miscarriage, I was crushed at the time, OK until the due date and then it all crept up on me unexpectedly until the day had passed. Flowers

momb · 02/11/2015 11:45

We set up a Hotmail account and loads of people just emailed them in, so no need to set up photo sharing unless you want to share them with everyone. If you aren't having an official photographer do have a word with a close friend so they take pictures of some of your special bits: flowers/decorations or whatever you've expended effort on, otherwise all the photos will be of peple (which is lovely, but a few of your efforts would be nice too!)..

Don't worry about the disposables: they will get filled up.
Also, if you are up for humouring the selfie people: we allocated a corner of our wedding 'The Selfie Corner' and provided a selection of cardboard masks/disguises off ebay on sticks. It cost about £5 and we had absolutely loads of pictures: so funny and it eliminated the Selfie urge to go further so we got lots of lovely candid shots too.
children took these as extra favours too

Congratulations on your wedding. I hope everything goes really well for you.

cranberryx · 02/11/2015 12:16

I think you would be perfectly reasonable to say something along the lines of:

Please refrain from posting these moments on social media until a later date, we want you here in the moment please!

Or something more poetic? People need to realise sometimes that posting all of this stuff, as and when it's happening takes their attention away from the events itself.

However, I would be fine with people taking the pictures on their phones - maybe you could provide an email address on the place cards that they could be encouraged to send them all to? Cheaper than getting disposable cameras?

CFSsucks · 02/11/2015 12:34

It is no U to ask people not to put stuff on bloody Facebook. I get annoyed that everyone thinks they have the right to post important stuff about other people. My sister was away when my DC was born so I texted her a photo. It was immediately put on FB, DH hadn't even left the hospital yet. We were not happy and she took it down but loads of people had seen by then.

We had disposable cameras at out wedding. The pictures weren't bad and we have a separate album for them. Your 'friend' sounds like an arse.

I'd ask people to take photos with the disposables rather than their phones and no photos on social media.

chipsandpeas · 02/11/2015 13:00

re facebook - it will all depend on how you word it - saying no photos on fb is a bit U people may assume no pics in general ie about themselves, the venue etc but if you ask politely to not put pics of the bride and groom on fb then thats fine

Original poster
chelle792 · 02/11/2015 13:07

Ah you are all amazing. I'm calmer having read all of your responses!

I'm.glad that I'm not being too unreasonable!! I'm going to get over it and ignore the annoying people Wink it was mostly my cousin who is a little jealous anyway.

I did say to my friend when she said about the selfie thing that I hope after spending £90 people won't waste them on selfies! Luckily we are close enough that she just took it on the chin.

My friend who designed my wedding website is looking into adding a photo sharing page on that. Failing that, I could set up a new email address in my new name for the pictures!!

We are lucky in that our photographer is staying all day and evening. He's basically coming as a guest and is doing photography for free for us. He's amateur but often submits his photos for competitions.

I guess the faff about photos is a good way to distract me from my scan or lack of

It's going to be a very untraditional day - we have apple press workshop, willow weaving, fire pit, toasted marshmallows, guests are bringing a dish for an indoor picnic at lunch, mulled wine.

Can't wait!!

OP posts:
Original poster
chelle792 · 02/11/2015 13:08

I'm tempted to ditch the disposable cameras but am being petty about my cousin who has always been really negative about me getting her own way

OP posts:
lougle · 02/11/2015 13:08

It's fine to ask, but the copyright belongs with the photographer so if your guests insist on posting the photos there is not much you can do.

zipzap · 02/11/2015 13:52

Another one who'd vote for trying to sell the cameras on ebay and getting everyone to upload their photos for you.

I can see you've got a friend to do your wedding photos - that sounds fab. Have you got a list made of all the different photos (especially the group shots) that you want on the day - it's easy to forget and then be annoyed a week later when you realise you didn't get one of say you and your aunties that you don't see very often but were close to when you were little whilst your dh managed to get one of every family grouping possible and then there wasn't enough time to do your side of the family...

If you have a list then make sure the photographer has it, as well as at least one usher/bridesmaid/trusted individual from each group of family/friends so that they can be getting the next group assembled while a picture is being taken so that there's not so much hanging around.

If you also have one or two good photographers in each family group or set of friends then ask them to take lots of candid shots during the day and try to get at least two of each individual in their group (could be individually or with others) and then to upload them for you wherever you ask. That way the photographer can concentrate on doing the proper photos and you can know that you should end up with some of everybody there just in the course of the day rather than in the formal photos...

Also make sure the photographer has a list of everything that's happening during the day with approx times on (sounds like you have an amazing day planned!) so that he can get shots of different things and nothing gets missed out.

Finally - as well as asking people to refrain from taking pix at key points as already mentioned, I'd also ask people to put off from editing and uploading and doing anything with the photos until the wedding's finished and they're home (if they want to stay up late that's their business or if it's the next day or week or whenever) - which should also help to cut down on those that spend time faffing with photos. This way they get their photos then can put down the camera/phone and enjoy the day, rather than get distracted there in the moment.

Finally - congratulations - hope you have a fab day, sounds like it is going to be amazing (so remember to take it as a compliment that others want to share it!) Flowers

NHKX2 · 02/11/2015 14:03

Some of the best photos we have of our wedding came from friends' phone pics. I think you'd really be missing out to remove that stream of photos. Disposable cameras will have hit or miss results.

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 02/11/2015 14:12

I have been to two weddings where the best man or usher has asked, just before the entrance of the bride, that any photos taken not be uploaded to social media.

In the one instance, this was because the bride had been married before, her ex-husband was a total arse and a nightmare but still friends with some mutual friends and she didn't want him to see anything connected with the wedding,

In the other instance, the bride and groom didn't want people who were only coming to the evening do to see what the dress looked like, what the venue looked like, so it felt (in their words) that they were more included than random people on FB.

Fuckymcdunky · 02/11/2015 14:17

Hiya, we used wedpics for our wedding and it worked really well, I don't have fb and asked that no picture be put on fb until the day after the wedding. All the guests were more than happy to do this and it meant the day wasn't spent with loads of people on their phones uploading stuff and we got some fab pictures of the day that were uploaded to wedpics over the next week or so.
Its your day and if people are close enough to you to come and celebrate with you then they should respect your wishes too.
Congratulations and have a great day Smile

chrome100 · 02/11/2015 14:41

I think you are being bridezilla, sorry! Does it matter where the photos are shown?

Spl0ink · 02/11/2015 16:57

I'm sorry, I haven't read the thread, but I think you can absolutely ask people not to post pictures on social media. You can't necessarily stop them taking pictures, but if you get someone to make an announcement near the beginning asking everyone not to post pics then I'd be amazed if the people who love you wouldn't honour that.

trollkonor · 02/11/2015 17:02

Chelle that sounds like an amazing wedding, can I come? I wont post pictures Grin Have an amazing day.

momb · 02/11/2015 17:03

Your wedding sounds great fun. I hope the weather stays dry and all your weaving produces masterpieces!

Original poster
chelle792 · 02/11/2015 20:46

troll we would be happy to have you!

OP posts:
honeyroar · 02/11/2015 21:07

I Had disposable cameras at my evening do. 50% of the photos were wonderful. I'm glad I had them. Could you put a note with the camera on the table asking what was suggested the best man said?

itsmeohlord · 02/11/2015 21:16

Blimey, wedding etiquette has become so much more complicated.

Original poster
chelle792 · 02/11/2015 21:20

Ooh my cousin has text offering her slr camera. Haha I've said yes. I've decided that I give up. I'll put the disposable cameras out and see what happens on the day

OP posts:
whois · 02/11/2015 22:11

Why not use wed pics or similar? Photo sharing app that everyone with the wedding details can use.

Send an email to everyone with a link to WedPics and your wedding log in. People take photos during the night and then upload them to the app. Everyone with the wedding details can see them. And request no Facebook.

Or am I missing the point that you want crappy disposable photos instead of good quality iPhone 5 photos?

DisappointedOne · 03/11/2015 00:18

Ooh my cousin has text offering her slr camera. Haha I've said yes. I've decided that I give up. I'll put the disposable cameras out and see what happens on the day

It's the person using it that determines whether the photos are good, not (just) the kit!

UnGoogleable · 03/11/2015 07:23

Don't have time to read the full thread, but just wanted to say I don't think you're being unreasonable at all OP.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 03/11/2015 18:13

Sounds like it'll be a great day Chelle - and you sound much more chilled now which can only be to the good! Enjoy your day - as I said we just put a disposable on each table for guests to take some extra pics of each other and left them to it. But it was before the days of FB when life was a bit simpler!

meganorks · 03/11/2015 18:37

You can ask people not to post on social media, but I think YABU to say people can't take pictures of the wedding with their phones at all. People like taking pictures of a wedding and that is what most people use for pics.
Personally I loved seeing other people's pics on Facebook the next day/week after the wedding. Some great shots and we had a look while on honeymoon.