Please stop me being a bridezilla...

[chelle792]

Getting married on Saturday. I've been really chilled about everything so far and have not been demanding, rude or uppity with anyone about anything (honest!).

It's a relaxed do with no table plan, no formal meal, speeches, etc.

I've bought three wedding dresses (cheepo ones) - all rather complicated because I lost my baby so wasn't going to be as fat as intended.

I've since been in a really dark place but now out the other side again. Ish. Although now the groom has tonsillitis and is horribly poorly.

Anyway, there's my background. Here's my aibu. Well, I know iabu but I want to get over it.

I've spent a fortune on disposable cameras and my plan is to develop them and distribute photos to the relevant people. A family member has said that it's unreasonable for me to request that people don't put photos on facebook or take pictures on their phones. The groom doesn't even have facebook so doesn't want his pictures published anyway. A friend then said she would fill a whole disposable camera up with selfies of herself so I have to get them all printed (expensive!!)

My reasoning... At my hen do on Saturday, it felt like people spent more time taking selfies, editing pictures, posting pictures than actually connecting amd engaging with each other.

I really don't want photos all over everyone's phones. That's it. Please be kind because I'm really upset about this its very rare that I get upset or annoyed about anything.also very rare that I ever stand up for myself I wish I never bought the disposable cameras in the first place now!

I just don't want to have wasted all that money on the cameras

We had a disposable camera on every table (about 12) at our wedding last year and they all got filled up. 'Proper' cameras are a novelty nowadays and people couldn't wait to have a go so it's unlikely they'll be wasted.

I would be wary of relying on them as your main/only source of photos though. The quality was OK on lots of the pics but fairly poor on some of them. People are so used to digital now, of seeing the shot lined up in front of them that I think we've almost forgotten how to use non-digital ones. Whilst i'm glad we had the disposables for a bit of fun and memories, there are many that are at slightly off angles, a finger on the lens, a bit fuzzy or blurry and so on.

BUT...I have some absolutely beautiful photos on facebook from people with their phones. Excellent quality, perfectly framed and there are lots that even rival the professional photographer pics and made it into the final album.

I would let people take pics, let them put them on fb this once and then use them as you see fit for albums and so on.

I've just sent a text to my friend who designed my website to see if she can add a photo sharing page

Really sorry about your baby OP

Thanks notso, me too. Today should have been my 20 week scan day

Your friend sounds like an arse if she is threatening to use up the camera with selfies.

Yanbu to tell people they can't take and upload photos to FB, these days its a bit like asking people not to breathe for 5 mins. Maybe you could get away with requesting not to put up photos of you both before official photos released but it could come across as a bit precious. It may be better to breathe and let it go rather than cause an issue about something you wont care about in 2 years time.

I think the cameras can live side by side with FB and mobiles. How about putting the cameras out but requesting that they are used for a specific type of photo, or theme? A photo of the entire table, plus one of each individual, holding up message, or whatever. Stress that it is so you will have informal photos of everyone enjoying themselves. I've seen disposible cameras go unused because people naturally go for mobile and digital but if the camera has a specific task to fufil it could become a fun thing.

Near impossible to get decent photos with a disposable at the best of times. Add booze and dark environment and you're in overexposed hideousness that can't be fixed. We had 12 48exp cameras at our wedding 11 years ago. Not one photo came out well. Complete waste.

Do you have a friend that's good at photography you could ask to get some nice shots of you?

Have you got a pro/designated photographer?

If so, it's very easy to ask people to not use cameras/phones during the ceremony. It looks stupid on proper photos and people do stupid things like stepping into aisles with iPads waving around.

If not, you might be grateful for all the photos you can get. But requesting that they aren't put on FB is fine, IMO. None of our wedding photos appeared on FB, and we didn't even have to ask (although I guess people may have posted them and excluded me and husband from those who could view....).

I'm going to disagree with myself.

I think it is fine to request that photos of yourself and the groom arent posted on social media. I only have close friends and family on FB and even my mum has her settings very closed down, that was my thinking when initially replying. At a wedding you don't know if a cousin has his completely open, or status can be shared with friends of friends.

And yes, dump the disposables. Waste of money, IMO.

I'm missing the point slightly but you might be pleased that I am not invited, I LOVE the disposable cameras at weddings. DH and I always end up on the "naughty" table for some reason and as soon as a few drinks have been necked I grab one of the cameras and stick them down consenting women guest's tops to get anonymous cleavage shots (use the flash) DH then takes all the men to the loo to get the bum shots. Great fun for the bride and groom when they get them back from the developers. Maybe not what you have in mind though.

We asked people not to add photos on FB etc until we did, everyone did what we asked without moaning. From weddings I have been to disposable cameras usually end in drunken selfies with maybe one decent photo per film.

Are you having an official wedding photographer? Could you ask one friend who's good at photography to take some pics of you?

YANBU to ask people not to put pics up on FB or social media, by the way, esp. if your dh doesn't even do FB! Your wedding, your choice. I too prefer people to chat instead of live through their phones.

I think the quality of photos on disposable cameras may not be great, esp. indoors in low lighting.

Your 'friend' who threatened the selfies - is she 12? She sounds a pain.

Have a lovely wedding!

We had some lovely photos from wedding guests - some of the nicest most candid ones. Taken on phones and digital cameras. Disposable cameras, it can work but probably depends on your guests.

I don't use facebook, but I'm sure if you asked people not to put pictures of the wedding party on they won't. I don't think you can stop people putting pictures of themselves at a wedding on facebook though.

People shared links to dropbox afterwards to share photos.

sounds like you know one or two arseholes, OP - and it appears there may be a lot of it about...

I use a real (if small) camera at a wedding and ALWAYS ask before taking a photo, same as you do any other time when you photograph people. The only time you don't need to ask is if there is a few moments when the bride and groom pose so that everyone can take their souvenir photo, I've also seen this done.

I also never share the photos unless asked to do so - brides have done this but if they don't, the photo only goes up with their permission.

basic courtesy which seems to have gone in an era when everyone walks around nose to screen rather than actually bloody looking.

oops - talking of lack of courtesy, pressed post too soon!! Sorry for your loss and congratulations on your marriage, wishing you every happiness.

We asked that no one put anything on FB that had us in it. People were welcome to take pics / selfies (our venue was pretty gorgeous) but absolutely none of us on FB.

Everyone was ok with it, there's not a single pic of our wedding online :)

Basic courtesy imho. I'd never put a photo of someone's special day/kids etc on without asking.

I think your disposable cameras idea is probably a good one OP and may cut down on the social media photography at the event - we had some at ours and it worked well - was interesting to see them afterwards and some nice shots of different guests.
Also the website page sounds like a good plan - for cutting down on the FB mania! But you won't be able to control everyone's behabviour - you can only hope to gently steer it in the right direction
We also had a definite slot for photography after the ceremony in the garden before going on elsewhere to the reception where the vibe was more we're just going to enjoy the moment! Good luck!

YABU to say people can't take photos on their phones unless you are Brad & Angelina who have a £10m magazine deal for exclusive photos.

But YANBU to tell people not to post them on social media - a very common and reasonable request nowadays.

Your "friend" who said she'd take only selfies on the disposable sounds like a right tit.

OP, I asked my wedding guests to not take pictures with their phones or upload to Facebook and it was fine. My reasons were I didn't feel comfortable with my private day being shared with people I didn't know, I didn't want people being absorbed in their phones all day and I didn't want them sticking their arms/phones into my pictures being taken by the photographer that I'd paid a great deal of money for! I also think it's sad when evening guests see what the bride looks like before they even get there.

I'm sure a few people must have thought it was a bit OTT but that's just tough shit for them - it's your wedding, your rules! If you don't want pictures of your big day all over the Internet then that's up to you, not them.

Your guests sound rude! It's not about them, it's about you and your soon to be DH so don't worry about what they think.

I'm really sorry about your baby. Hope the groom is all better for Saturday, I'm sure you'll have a great day!

Just a thought if you don't have an official photographer but want some photos do you have a friend with a partner into photography or even a friend (partners work best as they are not so involved with the day generally) at my wedding a friend of mine has a hubby who can be a bit awkward/get bored easily and he has great skills with the camera - so before the wedding I phoned and asked her if she thought it would be a good idea for him do so some photojournalist style photos - she was RELIEVED he would have something to do and we had a laugh about it and I got GREAT digi photos. It was also a good ice beaker to get people to mingle a bit

I don't think YABU at all! People can be so selfish. It's your wedding day. If you don't want photos going on Facebook then they should respect that. Some people have to upload photos of everything as proof they lead such an exciting life rather than enjoying the moment and not worrying about boasting

YANBU or a bridezilla. I would calmly confront your friend and say something like "I'm trying not to be a bridezilla but wedding planning is stressful and we spent a lot of money on the cameras. You were joking about wasting a whole roll on selfies right?" If she doesn't agree then she is showing her true colours. Just find out which camera she was using and don't get that one developed. It's harder to stop people taking photos on their phone but I would make your wishes known. I don't think people have an automatic right to take photos of someone else's wedding and put them on Facebook! I wouldn't be on my phone at a wedding because I would want to enjoy the moment!

In my experience, disposable camera photos are a bit pants, but we had at least 2 people at our wedding who turned out to be really good photographers (and using proper fancy cameras not phones!) and both surprised us with a CD afterwards of great photos, as good as the official photographer's but also capturing a lot of moments he had missed e.g. more casual/fun shots of guests at the reception and so on. Some day I will get around to making a second "fun" album to go with the more formal one from the photographer.

So I would definitely not ban people from taking photos as you may miss out! But some kind of requests about FB, as others have suggested, and/or asking people to upload to a website sounds like a good idea.

One other thing though I don't think you can be too precious about how the disposables get used - one or two of ours were commandered by children including nephews and nieces who fancied themselves as wedding photographers! It was very sweet to see but some of the pics came out at slightly odd angles. Overall though there were a few nice pics from them that we wouldn't have captured otherwise - and you can't be everywhere on the day. Even with disposable cameras it's more about creating a good vibe on the day than the pics themselves I feel!

I don;t think you are being unreasonable in the slightest to ask people not to post photos from YOUR wedding on facebook. Basic manners not to imo. You can also get your celebrant to say no photos during ceremony, and in fact get them only to allow it at the end.

But you might come to regret not having lots of lovely candid photos from people's phones, so the wedpics/flickr/photostream option is good.

Your friend who was going to take a whole camera of selfies should be uninvited if serious and really holds your wishes in such low regard.