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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Been told I'm spoiling my DC for Xmas, come tell me if I'm BU

61 replies

CheekyChapsCheer · 01/11/2015 21:06

I'm going to be spending more on my DC this year than I have in previous years. We're a 2 income house since I've gone back to work so we have more disposable income than since we've had the DC.
I'll probably be spending about £80 on each child, plus little bits like new pj's and choc selection boxes and that sort of thing, they are 5 and 7.
Old friend (went to uni together) said I'm spoiling them. She is crocheting and knitting a hat and scarf for her DC and getting them one book and one toy each, spending less than £20 each.
The thing is that she has a massive, well off family. Her DC get an embarrassment of gifts each year from GPs, aunts, uncles. We used to spend Boxing lunch together so I have a good idea of what their family Xmas looks like, its basically ToysRUs in her living room and her DC have a blast.

On the other hand, my DC have my parents and no one else, so they receive far fewer gifts. I don't feel too bad buying them a few toys rather than just one thing because I know they'll love them, know they'll be well treated and know they'll be thankful for them. Plus we can afford it, tbh we could afford more now I'm working but don't want to go OTT and might as well keep it relatively small before the expensive teenage years!

Anyway, to cut a long story short I politely pointed this out to her and she said I was jealous and spoiling the DC to make up it. The conversation didn't go well.
So AIBU?

OP posts:
Senpai · 01/11/2015 22:23

Yeah... I've already spent more than $100 on DD for her big gift. But she's an only child and both me and DH have a small family, so I don't have a lot of people to budget for. I don't mind spoiling her a bit on holidays because she gets no toys from me any other time of the year.

Zucker · 01/11/2015 22:25

Wellllllll I was being generous seeing as it's Christmas and all Bettercallsaul Grin

I'm saving the left over fruit from Hallowe'en for the stockings this year.....those children better appreciate it!

myotherusernameisbetter · 01/11/2015 22:35

By being nasty to you she can justify being a cheapskate to her own kids. Yes, I get that the kids get plenty from other people. Yours don't. I've been in a sort of similar position in that although we do have a bigger family, most of our siblings are older or have older kids and grand kids. They tend to send a cheque, which I am not complaining about as it is generous, but on the other hand no-one really cares about my kids enough to actually buy them a gift or ask what they'd like. I know they have busy lives etc, but when their children were young I used to shop for gifts that I thought they's like or asked what to get etc. Anyway as a cheque isn't very exciting to younger children (picture waking up to a pile of envelopes) we've always overcompensated.

£80 per child would probably be a starting point. we probably spent about £3-400 at that age. My DC are not spoiled. It's a struggle to get them to ask for anything tbh.

lurkingabit · 01/11/2015 22:56

This isn't about what you buy your kids for Xmas.

There is a bigger picture. I wouldn't do any 'fixing'. OP, you are the wronged and offended person. She knows this, you know this. l would let her sit with it and see what happens.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 01/11/2015 23:01

Just ignore her and do what you want. I spend about £500 each on my two. I don't get in to debt, so I don't see the problem. And they get stuff off their dad on top of that (we are separated). They are not spoiled, in the sense that they are eternally grateful for what they get. If you can afford it and your kids are well behaved and deserve it, I'd spend whatever you like.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 01/11/2015 23:16

We have a large family, we buy DC very little, but what we spend on cousins, comes back as gifts to DC, so its the same, iuswim

StillMedusa · 01/11/2015 23:34

I spend quite a lot on Xmas. We don't do big birthdays, we have a small family... and I enjoy it (and budget for it). Mine are older now... young adults and some of their presents are practical (frying pans!) for those moving into their own places for the first time, but I still do stockings full of useful cheap bits, socks and pants, tights and guitar strings and picks.. stuff they need and like, and little bits that I have thought of that are individual to them. It's not about the amount..that varies, it's about the thought that has gone into it and the pleasure of thinking of something I know they would like or need.

Mine have never expected anything, and now their biggest pleasure is to be together for a day or so as two live some distance away. Christmas is whatever you decide, however you like it!

FixItUpChappie · 01/11/2015 23:51

When you tell is story in the future I encourage you not to explain yourself. Stick to - "hey I'm getting ___ for my kid"....eh? What's it to you?" Shrug. end of.

It's one day - buy your kid as little or as much as you want and enjoy it.....it's supposed to be FUN.

fuzzpig · 02/11/2015 00:00

I don't think you're spoiling them.

janethegirl2 · 02/11/2015 21:20

Spend what the hell you want!!

morecoffeethanhuman · 02/11/2015 23:24

I spend a fortune on my two - but I save all year so no debt. Also its only my parents and best mate they have presents off.
I do also have
a friend much better off than me who spends a lot less on her kids, but that's her choice and what I spend is my choice, we've talked about shopping etc I'm rather crafty so send her idea on homemade things I know shell like and neither of us judge (unless she judges me secretly - but either way i don't care)
I love Christmas and buying presents, so sod it! Spend what you can afford and don't worry about anyone else YANBU

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