Been told I'm spoiling my DC for Xmas, come tell me if I'm BU

[CheekyChapsCheer]

I'm going to be spending more on my DC this year than I have in previous years. We're a 2 income house since I've gone back to work so we have more disposable income than since we've had the DC.
I'll probably be spending about £80 on each child, plus little bits like new pj's and choc selection boxes and that sort of thing, they are 5 and 7.
Old friend (went to uni together) said I'm spoiling them. She is crocheting and knitting a hat and scarf for her DC and getting them one book and one toy each, spending less than £20 each.
The thing is that she has a massive, well off family. Her DC get an embarrassment of gifts each year from GPs, aunts, uncles. We used to spend Boxing lunch together so I have a good idea of what their family Xmas looks like, its basically ToysRUs in her living room and her DC have a blast.

On the other hand, my DC have my parents and no one else, so they receive far fewer gifts. I don't feel too bad buying them a few toys rather than just one thing because I know they'll love them, know they'll be well treated and know they'll be thankful for them. Plus we can afford it, tbh we could afford more now I'm working but don't want to go OTT and might as well keep it relatively small before the expensive teenage years!

Anyway, to cut a long story short I politely pointed this out to her and she said I was jealous and spoiling the DC to make up it. The conversation didn't go well.
So AIBU?

ooooft she sounds a belter of a friend!

Nope, you're not spoiling them and even if you were, so what.

Incidently, I've just seen the IKEA Christmas ad, made me think!

Don't feel sorry for her kids; they come from a big well off family and they have presents.

Everyone feels sorry for someone.

Father Christmas fervent fans feel sorry for children who don't experience it while FC avoiders feel sorry for children who are lied to and kids with masses of toys are pitied because their parents are just getting into debt to pay for it and after all the meaning is lost and children without masses of presents are pitied because they don't have masses of presents, and children with December birthdays are pitied because they just are and really it's all just one big pity fest if you don't do Christmas exactly like another Mumsnetter.

I have three children. Thanks to my genes, they have health, thanks to the country they were born in they have wealth and they are also rather nice looking and intelligent (not sure how.) Sadly, thanks to a traffic fatality on one side and cancer/heart disease on the other they don't have grandparents. They do have a doting mummy. They are lucky. They are loved. There's a scruffy tree in the lounge the cats trash, there are a couple of gifts for the oldest, there are Christmas carols, there are country walks and there is a nut roast and trifle for dinner and salmon and cream cheese for breakfast and hot chocolate in the evening and I don't really give a stuff any more if anyone pities my children because I don't start shopping in August and the sooner everyone realises childhood is not all about Christmas and the best memories come from the heart and not the purse the better! I am pig sick of people falling over themselves pitying strangers children and it is only just November FFS.

leavingsosoon

At the tiger comment leavingsosoon not your last
post!

Actually leavingsosoon at your last post too. Completely agree!

I know Christmas is a big event but it is getting a tad silly.

The faces about perfectly happy, healthy and loved children getting or not getting a certain Christmas are just daft.

I am in the same position as you..If my Ds woke up with a crocheted hat a toy and a book under the tree I think he would be devastated..He is not a greedy or spolit boy but it is the one time of the year he gets to truly think about what he would like..Last year his Main present cost £30 , this year he wants and X box360 so will be much more..

It sounds like she is bitter if she is commenting on all this stuff she may well be resentful.

But he wouldn't would he starlight? He'd have the other gifts from his large and well off family in this instance. IME it is rare for children to care about the source of a gift!

Don't mind her (your friend). She has become used to you being somewhat 'less' than her iykwim, and is challenged, and now has to find another way of making you less, to re-establish the equilibrium. Unfortunately, this friendship may not be all you have thought.

But certainly, don't justify your spending to her. Be delighted for yourself (irritate her further )

But what can she be resentful of? She has a bigger house in a nicer area, better schools, newer car, lovely kids and husband. That's why I don't understand why there was an outburst over my argos shopping list!
Just need to let the dust settle and try to sort it out.

For the same reason that people on here start making faces at a DC having more or less. People take it personally when you do things differently to them. Their way or the highway.

Don't listen to her or pity her children.

She does what works for them and you are doing what works for yours. You aren't spoiling them. £80 seems very reasonable to me.

Bloody hell! Just as well she's never been to my house then! I think this not buying anything for your kids at Christmas other than a satsuma and a walnut craze is tedious.

It's Christmas, it's meant to be fun, ff!

We try not to go overboard as I don't like the idea of excessive piles of presents, and we don't have anywhere to put them, so we try to keep expectations modest... but to me that means round the £80-100 mark each. I know many people who spend LOADS more, even people with a lower income than us. I don't think you're overdoing it at all OP, though it's none of her business anyway.

She probably mentally sidesteps the presents her DC get from family so she can think of herself as frugal and right-on. She sounds very annoying.

Sibu, my family and dhs family live a long way away and is large so dds always get a ridiculous amount (3 sackfuls last year) so we don't have to worry too much. I do buy more than a book and a hat for them but it certainly takes the pressure off. Surely she understands your point? Seems reasonable...

I do not have much money to spend on my dd, but whatever I can manage I know she will be grateful. She knows things are tough and doesn't expect me to get into credit card debt for her. I would rather buy her a couple of things that she needs and I can afford than have to worry about consequential debt next year
She has her paternal gps and her df who will get her something and my Mum who won't bother

TopseyT Don't worry, I don't have an ounce of pity for her DC, they are lovely, happy, bright children with a lovely life there's nothing to pity there.
I'm not jealous either, I like my lot in life!

And I agree it is madness to think that the more teetering piles of presents your DC have to open on Christmas morning, the better it is and the happier they will be. On the contrary, they'll be happier (especially as adults) if they don't come to expect that as a baseline, but just have fun and get a few well-chosen things they really want.

Thanks all, I'm off to bed now. Feel better about it now, just need to figure out how to fix it.

It's your christmas and your children; I think your so-called friend should keep her nose out of your business.

A whole satsuma, Zucker? Surely one between two would be plenty?

YANBU! and I speak as someone who is on their arse financially right now!

She doesn't sound much of a friend.

And how much you spend is nobody else's business IMO.

It sounds really weird to me.

I buy loads, but with a birthday and Christmas in the same week and no other family I do stuff like wrapping up pencil sharpeners separately.

I will spend at least £30 on books to be split between the two celebrations. There will be sweeties and a satsuma in foil. I don't buy much for the rest of the year, though.

SIBVU, maybe she liked to be the one with the nice house, car and family and she doesn't like the fact that you are now getting that too. People are weird. I have a friend who I am convinced doesn't like my DS because ours are quite similar and hers can't be 'better' (she likes to compare a lot).

£80 isn't spoiling them. I spend £100 plus £20 each on stocking fillers and probably a couple of DVDs between them. They don't have a huge family that buy for them and no one who buys big stuff so it's all from us with smaller bits from some family.

Everyone does things their own way and I wouldn't dream of commenting on what others spend or don't spend at Christmas. Your friend has been rude and this isn't for you to fix anything as you have done nothing wrong.