To be annoyed with our lodger

[cheapandcheerful]

Back story:
He's a first year uni student who didn't have uni accommodation sorted so we said he could stay with us short-term until he found somewhere else.
The agreement was that his rent would include food for the following reasons:

1. I find it much easier and economical to just cook for an extra person when I'm cooking every night anyway.
2. I couldn't bear the thought of having to share the kitchen space with someone when we're often on a tight after-school schedule.
3. We don't have loads of cupboard space so would struggle to accommodate all of his shopping were he to be catering for himself.
4. I imagined that a 19-year-old chap wouldn't be the tidiest of creatures and that I would end up either nagging him to tidy up the kitchen after himself or just doing it for him myself a lot.

Today:
He has returned from a field trip and announced that he has become a vegetarian.
So suddenly at a minute's notice I have to either change my family's diet or allow him to use our kitchen to cook his own meals.
I know it's a small thing and that he's perfectly entitled to choose this for himself but it is such a pain in the arse and not what I signed up for.

AIBU or do I just need to suck it up?

the hilarious thing about mumsnet is that someone can get landlord-hate into EVERYTHING!!

this man-kid has changed the arrangement unilaterally. In the big grown-up world you don't get to do that. He doesn't live in a situation where it is possible to cook for himself. So his choice is simple.

as OP says 'not what she signed up for'.

specialsubject
this man-kid has changed the arrangement unilaterally.

No suggestion of that, from the info provided. The OP hasn't said what the vegetarian food arrangements are.

this man-kid has changed the arrangement unilaterally.

Do you really think a 19 year old needs to ask permission to become a vegetarian?

facilie you're totally missing the point.

He's come back and announced he's a veggie - ergo the OPs food arrangements have to change! Why should OP cook seperate food for a student she's doing a massive favour for?! He's not a paying tenant - he's a short term lodger! Why doesn't he find his own place and wait to become vegetarian til he moves in? Utterly selfish on his part.

OP, I want more details about the burger and chips! How can you fuck up ready made food?

Suggest he gets a copy of Leefe's Vegetarian Bible.

Bronnie98
Why should OP cook seperate food for a student she's doing a massive favour for?!

Where has the OP said she has to do that? How do you know he's not prepared to cater for himself? We know he's cooked burger and chips (entertainingly).

Utterly selfish on his part.

No evidence so far of any selfish behaviour. Perhaps you'd like to quote any demands he's made.

When I lodged it was on a B&B basis i.e. the breakfast cereal and milk.
I had most lunches at work (hot, canteen) and thus didn't need to store or cook much at home.
Is that worth considering?

eats all the bacon bits
I'm a huge meat eater
huge
and a meat eater

facisile - OP very generously agreed to let him lodge on basis that she cooked. It's easier for her & her family. She's listed the (numerous) reasons why - including it being difficult after school to have someone else cooking. Now ol' lodgerpants decides to change that agreement by suddenly becoming a veggie.

It's clearly selfish because he could have waited until he moved out - it's a short term arrangement after all, and OPs doing him the favour here, and unless he's planning to pick out bits of meat from his dinner the OP now has no choice but to let him cook/take up kitchen space/time.

How on earth do you think that this is reasonable given the circumstances and the fact OP has children to care for?!

bronnie98
OP very generously agreed to let him lodge...

Maybe so, but there's still a business element to the agreement, since the student is paying rent.

... on basis that she cooked.

Nothing to suggest the OP can't still cook, or that the lodger has demanded to make his own food.

It's clearly selfish because he could have waited until he moved out - it's a short term arrangement after all

No it's not 'clearly selfish'. There's no evidence so far of 'selfish' demands or 'selfish' behaviour. Deciding to become a vegetarian, whilst living in somebody else's house, is not intrinsically selfish. In many cases of vegetarianism, there's an element of altruism. Given that the arrangement is short term, that's less time for the OP to accommodate her lodger's diet.

...unless he's planning to pick out bits of meat from his dinner

Feels like we've gone back a few decades in terms of the perceived difficulties of accommodating vegetarianism. At the risk of stating the obvious, even meat eaters don't (have to) eat meat for every meal and meat can be, and often is, cooked separate to other elements of a meal.

Out of interest, if a child of yours wanted to become vegetarian, would you tell them to wait until they'd left home because of the inconvenience it would cause you?

You could try what my ex MIL did for her vegetarian neighbour: cook a nice roast dinner but remove the meat and replace with some cold cheese quiche.

He's showing his age not realising it will mess you around a bit.

Having said that you might find you like veggie stuff yourself. Frozen veggie food is actually quite tasty and cheaper than meat. If you're feeling adventurous.

Best OP update ever! I so hope this is what a PP said, he's trying to impress a girl!

If you want to, I've found you can cater to a veggie fairly easily, if not as well as you would if you were veggie yourself. When DD went veggie we:

1. sent her for school dinners so she often just needed soup and sandwich in the evening
2. kept a stash of veggie ready bake things in the freezer - sausages beanburgers - and bunged one in the oven if needed
3. Froze indiv portions of veggie chilli/bolognese, made with quorn when making meat stuff, and leftover quiche.
4. A fried egg / scrambled egg with whaever we're having

We have meat free days too which helped, but you could do without that.

Or yes, let him loose with your best frying pans...

A friend is lodging with an acquaintance of her's mum, and broke down in tears to me at the lack of clarity/consistency around food / what she was or wasn't allowed to do - please avoid this, it's so uncomfortable for all involved.

So: set out clearly what you will/won't provide. Actually explaining it to him is much more important than what you say. If you tell him that you can't accommodate him with a separate meal, fine - just tell him. Vagueness/him not knowing what you expect is very uncomfortable. You're not obliged to provide veggie food if you don't want to. It's a business arrangement, not an episode of "Four in a Bed". Ask him whether he'd prefer to cook for himself.

Set out some times when he is allowed to use the kitchen - times that genuinely suit you - and find a small bit of shelf space for him. If you were in his shoes, even being catered for, surely used want the opportunity to occasionally make yourself a sarnie / cook a favourite dish?

used = you'd

facisile you do realise that I am a vegetarian don't you?

No, I didn't know. And I'm even less clear as to why you think it's so difficult to come to an arrangement, agreeable to both parties, to accommodate the lodger's vegetarian diet.

if he is leaving by christmas then i would cook meals for him minus the meat and the days like spag bol he can have plain pasta and sauce /sandwich etc

if staying longer, you did say it was short term ....... but say be easier for him to cook his own meals and as long as not in kitchen xxyz time as of schools/clubs etc then he can cook his own food

What a pain in the arse.

How many kids and adults are you cooking for apart from him?

I would pick my busiest evening and ask him to cook a veggie meal for everyone to be ready at xpm each xday. (He lets you have list of ingredients needed in advance so you can include in weekly shop.)

Then I would cook the rest of the week including a veggie version for the lodger.

G1ve - OP is in a financial arrangement with this guy. It is waaaaay beyond reasonable to suggest that a paying lodger cook a meal for his landlord and her family weekly, even if she prepares veggie versions for him the rest of the week. If you were lodging in someone's house and paying money for the privilege how would you react to the suggestion? And if you were a busy mum, would you want some inept (see updates from OP) 19 year old responsible for feeding your family?

She explained why she was cooking his meals in the OP, and they are partly to her benefit.

It is a financial thing but it is also sharing living space which puts a slant on things. I have had a lot of late teens lodgers, most of whom I have cooked for, but often with a bit of flexibility/compromise. Most of them had dietary requirements - usually either no pork or veggie or halal. So although the arrangement was for me/DH to cook, sometimes they wanted to make something of their choice too.