Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

leaving baby to cry

62 replies

contractor6 · 01/11/2015 15:50

Have a newborn baby which is ebf, mentioned to dh today am dehydrated because when I think to have a drink she wants feeding or starts crying and then I forget. Dh says I should leave her to cry until I have got a drink or finished whatever I am doing, I disagree as instinct is to pick her up. AIBU or is he? (currently making him listen to Christmas songs in the car until agrees with me)

OP posts:
ohlittlepea · 02/11/2015 04:43

Young babies experience separation as physical pain, so long periods of crying without being responded to aren't great, but popping for a drink should be quick xxx if you feel uncomfortable not holding her then you could use a sling? You can't spoil her with too many cuddles xxx

BathshebaDarkstone · 02/11/2015 04:47

You make sure you have a supply of drinks and snacks by you at all times. Preferably snacks you can eat one-handed. Do this while your DD is asleep. Or he could bring you one?

BathshebaDarkstone · 02/11/2015 04:57

"Sunny Jim" was a character on Force wheat flakes, my grandad used to eat them in the 70s, but they're much older I think.

Sparrowlegs248 · 02/11/2015 05:03

In the evening when your oh is home, hand him the baby and sort out what you need for the next day. I would have a couple of those fat water bottles with a sports cap, make a sandwich and leave it in the fridge and gather snacks, tissues etc by the side of the armchair that i fed in. Also topped up my changing basket in the living room.
Being dehydrated is no good for either of you.

Pseudo341 · 02/11/2015 07:19

Letting bubs cry while you run and grab a drink is not leaving baby to cry. You absolutely must take care of yourself, you're no use to your baby if you get ill. Congratulations.

Only1scoop · 02/11/2015 07:23

Yabu

Everyone needs hydration. I am shocked you can't leave your DC for 2 mins whilst you grab a drink.

eurochick · 02/11/2015 07:46

You are you baby's food supply. She/he will have reason to yowl if your supply dries up due to dehydration! I noticed a huge difference in my supply if I didn't eat and drink well.

I was expressing so mine often cried for a minute or two while I poured and warmed her milk. I would talk or sing to her while I did it. Same with getting myself set up with remote, drinks, etc.

Lilipot15 · 02/11/2015 07:57

I hope you have realised from many of the replies that a baby crying for a short time whilst you get a drink / go to the loo is not the worst thing.
Don't even make those who recommend a sling make you feel guilty - I never worked out what this means, are you supposed to go to the loo with a baby in a sling (a poo? - yuck!). I can only assume that with twins one of them is often crying whilst the other's nappy is changed, and those of us with toddlers know that the second baby unfortunately does have to cry a bit whilst toddler's needs met.

But it is stressful - baby's cries are like that so mothers in particular respond to them, so they will cause a response in you. But as long as it is not for long your baby will be fine. I remember though a drive when it wasn't safe to stop and it was a road I have witnessed a bad crash on so I just wanted to get the journey over - baby was crying. I knew she was well and safe but I was covered in sweat and feeling awful when I did stop! But that is biological. I would have put us at risk if I had stopped as soon as she cried.

I hope you have gained some perspective.

ToastyFingers · 02/11/2015 09:35

No harm will come to your little one if you make yourself a drink first.

That being said, i hated DD crying and probably would have got her latched on and made a drink one-handed.

NickyEds · 02/11/2015 11:35

YABU- your dh is right. This whole "leaving the baby to cry" thing stems from children who are routinely left for very long periods of time crying being damaged by it. It absolutely does not refer to a loved and cared for baby being left to cry whilst their mum makes a drink. My dd is left to cry on a fairly regular basis because I have a 22 month old too. The other day she started to cry just as I was about to put ds to bed so she had to cry for a bit until I came back down. There are loads of things that you can't avoid or do with the baby in a sling.

Onthepigsback · 02/11/2015 11:52

New baby cry us designed to make new mum vomit with stress, strangely doesn't have that effect on new dad:) baby cringe is really ok for a minute or two but that doesn't mean you will be able to switch off all the stress hormone that comes flooding in the moment she cries. But do look after yourself first, especially if it would only take 5 mins to make a big difference for you.

FluffyNinja · 02/11/2015 13:34

I used to put a folder towel in the bottom of the plastic laundry basket and put my baby DS in it to carry him around in when I needed to go to the loo, grab a snack etc. for the first few weeks whilst I was getting used to him.

Probably a bit OTT but he could see me and it worked for us.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page