leaving baby to cry

[contractor6]

Have a newborn baby which is ebf, mentioned to dh today am dehydrated because when I think to have a drink she wants feeding or starts crying and then I forget. Dh says I should leave her to cry until I have got a drink or finished whatever I am doing, I disagree as instinct is to pick her up. AIBU or is he? (currently making him listen to Christmas songs in the car until agrees with me)

I have had to let DD cry more times than I care to remember as a newborn.

Much better logistically to pour the toddler his cereal and get myself a cuppa and then feed her uninterrupted. She is a happy and healthy (and secure) 9 month old now.

DP always sorted out toddler and refreshments for me when he was home.

Slings are your friend here. That, flasks and bottles and 'feeding stations' round the house.

We have a 4mo and I use a thermal mug for hot drinks, several water bottles dotted around and I make up sandwiches and pop them in the fridge for lunch. Top up bottles & eat easy food when the baby sleeps.

Using a sling is helpful or I put DS in the buggy in the dining room so he can see me in the kitchen (open plan).

I used to have a big bottle of water and drink that, only one hand required! Also, if you're doing things around the house, slings are great! It only takes seconds to get a glass of water so it isn't leaving her to cry really.

Agree, a few minutes is OK.

Get a sling. Otherwise you'll sort the dribking issue and spend all your time feeding and bursting for the loo! Slings are great. Bit of practice and you can feed the baby on the move and get on with drinking, peeing, cooking your dinner, shopping...

Is there really anyone who would consider getting a glass of water before feeding "leaving a baby to cry"?

I mean, seriously, is there?

The mind boggles.

Unless you live in an enormous country mansion, surely it takes all of 40 seconds to get a glass of water and carry it back.

Oh crikey. Going to the loo, getting yourself food or a drink comes first and takes a few seconds, minutes whatever. I lost a massive amount of weight and was very tired and unhealthy after dc1 because I neglected myself so badly. Don't do it. A little crying does not break the baby. I agree with your dh.

It's been mentioned I think but is worth repeating. Keep filled water bottles all over the place.

Is there really anyone who would consider getting a glass of water before feeding "leaving a baby to cry"? I think it's more about the practicalities than the judging. I think it's fine to leave a baby while you get a drink. It's just that I never did it. It hurt me when DD cried and I would always get her before looking after myself. Better to put water in my way and just carry on.

Any reason Sonny Jim can't bring you a drink while you're feeding? totally off thread but I when I read this, twas a regular thing to hear 'sonny Jim' in various contexts as I grew up and am now intrigued as to its origins, anyone know?

I have a feeling it originated in an advertising slogan, but it was a ridiculous thing to say. Surely almost all breastfeeding mothers do the vast majority of feeds when "Sonny Jim" isn't around.

I know how you feel about crying. I just couldn't leave them.
I agree with everyone who has said slings and water bottles. Get your partner to make snacks etc before he goes to work just so you can grab them on the go.

Congratulations on your baby!

You can't take care of a baby if you're not taking care of yourself first. It only takes a few seconds to grab a glass of water. Baby will be fine, I promise. :)

I always put myself first to get sorted before tending to her. A few seconds, even minutes doesn't hurt a baby. Now as a toddler she knows she has to wait for things and can patiently wait for me to fix her a snack or cook lunch. That might be down to personality, but it can't hurt to teach your child that patience is a virtue and they will eventually get what they want/need.

Yy to water dotted around the house. The problem I had was that I never felt thirsty until DD was latched on and my let down kicked in. Then I'd suddenly feel like I hadn't drunk anything for days!

She is a happy and healthy (and secure) 9 month old now.

Wonders how you measure attachment in a child so young.

I used to have a pint glass of water (or two) around for when I needed it. Make sure you have handy snacks too, bananas, grapes, cereal bars (cake, biscuits :)). I didn't like to leave my baby crying either so would just carry him with me if I needed to get a cold drink. That way, even if he cried, I was comforting him. The few seconds it takes to grab a glass of water wouldn't hurt her though. it will get easier to plan stuff in but remember to look after yourself for now and congratulations btw :)

Watching with interest. My ds is 16 days old and I'm like you op - it just feels wrong to "leave" him crying even if it is just 2 minutes or so. (I dont remember being like this with my DD - mind you she was a strange baby/child who NEVER really cried). If I ask my dh he will get me a drink - i am constantly parched though...but he's going back to work tomorrow so I'll have to get things for myself. I am very lazy will take the advice of having drinks available near my nest spot on the sofa x

I have a baby coming up 5 months and do remember when she was a newborn and the merest hint of a cry would have me running like Pavlovs dogs.

To the point my husband would stand in front of me and say " you need to eat, it will take two minutes to finish your dinner, she will be fine".

As times go on you'll get to know your baby better (cute as they are, newborns are strangers and you spend a good few weeks getting to know them) and know which noises mean hungry/wet/bored/over stimulated/just enjoying playing /something is wrong (not had that one yet, thank god).

It is fine to let your baby cry an extra minute so you can have a wee, get a drink etc. It really is. Assume you're breastfeeding? If so being hydrated and well nourished is really important for milk production.

It took until my baby was about 7 weeks before I felt I knew her. Don't get me wrong my head still swivels in her direction at the speed of light if she cries out but I know her noises now.

Ninky, that is exactly how I am as soon as latches on I need a pint of water.
Thanks all for perspective and the tips, I have water bottles by sofa and first thing tomorrow (after feeding) will sort out the thermos

I made a decision in the early weeks if the baby was safe, fed and watered, if it cried, I was not getting out of the shower!

I don't think either of you are BU. You instinctively want to respond to your crying baby ASAP but your DH is just showing concern for your wellbeing when he tells you to attend to your own needs first. Try putting bottled water and cereal bars in the baby's room so you can grab them easily or keeping them in your pockets.

I don't think yabu because that's the wrong term - but I do think your dh is right.

I don't like 'leaving babies to cry' and never did it when mine we tiny. But I did grab a drink, run for a quick wee or finish putting the washing machine on when they started to whinge - things that took 30 seconds.

One of my friends would pick their baby up instantly as soon as the first sound came (not a cry but a pre-cry whinge) - she'd be over like a whippet within 5 seconds.

I don't think it's necessary and could lead to a difficult 'habit' that's hard to break for you and the baby iyswim?

My DH would get stressed when I would let DS cry while I got a drink, had a wee etc when he was home. It was all of two minutes and I was so used to managing by myself when he was at work that it never occurred to me to ask for help to speed it up.

Now DS is mostly formula fed, if I misjudge when he needs his feed then he has to wait anyway. Crying for a couple of minutes really doesn't hurt them!