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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my date was cheeky?

70 replies

iwanttobeadixon · 01/11/2015 13:43

So from dating this guy for a while I kind of get the impression that he might be very tight.

Or that he'd be more generous if I was his girlfriend.

(I never expect the man to pay for everything btw but it doesn't exactly feel even right now)

We went to see a game last night, I suggested and bought the tickets (cost me around £40) he never offered to pay me back. Which was fine as I was the one who suggested that night out.

We were running late so we just grabbed a McDonalds before the game - which he paid for. He sat there and complained that the meal had cost £10.

During the break he went to get a coffee for himself. I handed him £5 and said I'm just going to toilet and could you please get me a coffee as well (as the queue for the womens I knew would be really long).

I came back and he handed me my change and he'd clearly bought himself a coffee out of my money too.

Aibu to think this is so cheeky?

It's not the money it's more the fact that he did it. He clearly had no intention of buying me a coffee but was more than happy to use my money to get him one after I'd paid for the night out.

Talk some sense into me.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 01/11/2015 15:02

Oh god dump but tell him why.

I once had a few months relationship with someone who was scarily tight... He would even get up super early so he could have his breakfast and not have to feed me.

It may not bother you that much now, but it'll really start to grate later.

VeganCow · 01/11/2015 15:03

Dump him - but please tell him why you are. It might help his next victim girlfriend.

Rpj16 · 01/11/2015 15:06

Do you get on with him apart from all that?

I think if you go forward with him, set boundaries, like establish who pays for what on the date. Maybe next time he can buy the tickets, you get the McDonald's and he get the coffee!! And if he's got a problem with that I really would think about if it bothers you or not !

I think it's wrong for girls to expect to be paid for, but then again, most guys like to pay for their date at the beginning. My bf pays for more date type things than me, but I pay for other stuff, so it evens out in a way.

Maybe you could suggest making a date kitty and put the same amount in and see what he says!! Ha. Good luck :) would be interested to know how much you like him as a person, would his sense of humour/fun-ness cancel out being tight? Maybe he is saving for the future?? X

Rpj16 · 01/11/2015 15:09

Just want to add, sorry, I know you mentioned the below - I was agreeing with you, it should certainly be even in some way!
(I never expect the man to pay for everything btw but it doesn't exactly feel even right now)

ImperialBlether · 01/11/2015 15:13

Most tight people are not great company. I'd be amazed if he was perfect in every other way but this.

HermioneWeasley · 01/11/2015 15:17

I'm not happy about the stereotyping of tight people- I'm as tight as a duck's arse, but I am FAIR. I would have offered to pay for my tickets and I'd have bought you a coffee.

This man is selfish, not thrifty.

SpendSpendSpend · 01/11/2015 15:23

I dont like stingyness, but my mother whos on benefits tells me that shes not being tight she has a tight budget and if i was on a tight budget then i wouldnt be so couldnt care less about money.

Could this be the case with him? Is he on a really tight budget?

squoosh · 01/11/2015 15:27

Dump him.

He sounds petty, stingy, and mean. I can't imagine you're dying to rip his clothes off.

cosytoaster · 01/11/2015 15:31

Who'd even take the fiver in that situation? Another vote for dumping him

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/11/2015 15:44

Miserlyness generally isn't restricted to money, it tends to spill out onto how ungenerous they are in thought and deed (won't put themselves out for anyone, almost as if they're hoarding their emotional resources the way they hoard their financial resources).

Not a keeper.

Andylion · 01/11/2015 15:48

Who'd even take the fiver in that situation?

Ditto.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 01/11/2015 15:49

I don't know why you even gave him the money for your coffee in the first place? I'd have just said "I'm going to the loo, grab me a coffee too would you" .

What's he been like on other dates?

EnglishWeddingGuest · 01/11/2015 15:55

During the break he went to get a coffee for himself. I handed him £5 and said I'm just going to toilet and could you please get me a coffee as well

My first concern was that he didn't offer to get you coffee when he went to get his - you had to ask !!! That's just selfish.

DeoGratias · 01/11/2015 15:56

Depends what money he has. I don't eat out. It's expensive (and I'd never date anyone who eats foods like Macdonalds' poisons but that's a separate topic...)

Floggingmolly · 01/11/2015 16:13

There is nothing worse than meanness; it's so shabby. Dump him.

WineIsMyMainVice · 01/11/2015 16:13

It would have been nice if when you gave him the fiver he'd said that he would get the coffees - especially after you got the tickets.
Don't like tight people.

Rebecca2014 · 01/11/2015 16:20

Moaning about buying an McDonald meal? no this will not get better once your official!! lol

YakTriangle · 01/11/2015 16:25

Anybody who whinges about the price of two meals in McDonalds is clearly a tool and should be ashamed of himself. Tightfistedness is a deeply unattractive quality.

SuperFlyHigh · 01/11/2015 16:35

I remember dating a man who was very generous on the one hand (where it suited him and he benefitted from it) and when we first started dating we went for cocktails and he made a comment about how he wouldn't be doing that a lot when he was dating me... He earned double what I did, spent lots on himself yet when it came to me he certainly made sure I bought him a drink sometimes not getting one for me in return. I recall we went for dinner at a naice restaurant (my suggestion (as near my work) his choice to go, invite me and pay - yet he made a big thing of the food not being worth it afterwards. When we finally finished with each other yes he was nasty, mean, stingy with his emotions, never ever again!

Certainly dump this man OP, too stingy!

mellowfartfulness · 01/11/2015 16:41

Ugh, dump and run. If he was completely skint, he ought to have been apologetically upfront about not being able to pay his way as soon as you suggested going out, and maybe he could invite you to come round instead so he can cook for you. Then if you insisted on treating him it'd be fair enough for him to accept. But it's properly crap to let you buy him expensive tickets and then act grudging about paying for a burger.

I also can't imagine getting up on a date to buy myself a coffee and not automatically asking the other person if they wanted one. Especially knowing they'd already paid out more than I had for the cost of the date.

He's a mean git.

VenusInFauxFurs · 01/11/2015 16:58

Those of you saying he might be on a tight budget, that is so not the point. I'm on a tight budget. But I wouldn't allow someone to buy tickets for an event unless I was able to contribute half the cost. If they refused to take money for the tickets the I would consider that £30 or whatever 'banked' against other costs for the evening - food, drink etc. If I couldn't afford to pay my half then I would decline the show/gig/whatever and suggest a cheaper or free alternative.

There's a difference between being frugal and being a tightwad. I snip open the bottoms of toothpaste tubes to ensure that I get every penny's worth from my £1 toothpaste investment. But I would NEVER not stand my round in a pub. Never.

It's early days, OP. Shrug him off and move on without a second glance.

lostInTheWash · 01/11/2015 17:05

I'm not happy about the stereotyping of tight people- I'm as tight as a duck's arse, but I am FAIR.

I'm with HermioneWeasley ( though personally haven't discipline to be tight unless really up against the wall) but there can be good reasons to be tight but there is no reason not to be fair.

BackforGood · 01/11/2015 17:06

Like rpj16 - I'd say look at the whole package, and think about how you can work this out, if you like other things about him.
I should imagine 'who pays for what' is a bit of a minefield. I suspect he was a bit confused with you handing over the fiver for the coffee. Possibly, he'd not appreciated that there's be need to spend on this evening and hadn't gone to the cashpoint. It's difficult to know, but certainly something to factor in to all the other things you do, and don't like about him.

Re the paying for tickets - again, depends on how it all came about. If a newish 'date' wanted me to come to something I wasn't particularly interested in (perhaps share their hobby or interest) then it seems reasonable that it would be their treat, to me, so perhaps it's not that odd to let you pay, unless he's let you pay each and every time you go out.

It would depend for me, if this was just this particular evening, or if you've been out half a dozen times and it's the same each time.

Fairiesarereal · 01/11/2015 17:17

Urghh dump him.

Surely for the first few dates he should be trying to impress you? So it can only get much much worse.

Did he not even ask you if you wanted a coffee too?? Unbelievable

Sazzle41 · 01/11/2015 17:26

Ref flag buying something somewhere as cheap as MacDonalds then moaning. To do that is incredibly tight. Get rid now and tell him why. People mean with money are always mean in other ways to IME.

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