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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious with DH

63 replies

Boosiehs · 01/11/2015 09:22

He has just this second walked in, after going to a Halloween party with some friends leaving me at home (7 months preg) with DS(2). My choice not to go but am knackered all the time now anyway. Not one phone call or text since he left at 7.30 last night. I asked him not to come home too late.

So AIBU to be furious with him for not letting me know where he was? Have been up since 6am worried about where he is and what is going on. Should he have tried to call from pay phone/other person's mobile?

I think so by I imagine I will be told by him I am spoiling his fun night out.

OP posts:
Cookingongas · 01/11/2015 09:47

Can I point out that it doesn't always mean sex / drugs? Dh and I recently had a city break. We literally went out at 6pm, had a meal, and went dancing. Till 6. Then sat on the beach with our mates and a bottle of wine till 8. No sex. No drugs. A lOT of alcohol and a full 22 hours sleep the next day ShockBlush

SummerNights1986 · 01/11/2015 09:47

If you're out from 7:30pm until 7:30am there's either drugs, sex or both involved

That's utter rubbish.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 01/11/2015 09:47

Definitely an inconsiderate bastard. I'd be livid.
However I have been out all night many times and never once taken a drug or had sex (obviously have has sex, but never linked to being out all night). Not at all excusing his behaviour, just to counteract the statements above. If I've been out all night it's because I've been drinking/dancing/socialising (and occasionally waiting for the first tube/train home!)

Lauren15 · 01/11/2015 09:48

Why do say you're not proud of yourself for shouting at your dp cheesybaps? You have every right to do that. How would these guys react if their wives were behaving like that? I'm sorry to say it but I think Phoebe has a point.

Dulceetdecorum · 01/11/2015 09:48

Its a bit of a leap to be certain that sex and/or drugs were involved and an even bigger leap to come up with the precise drugs involved Shock.

I've stopped up all night lots of times when sex/drugs have most definitely not been involved, as have lots of friends.

That said, I would be incandescent with rage if I were you, incredibly thoughtless of him.

Cheesybaps · 01/11/2015 09:48

Fwiw, I don't automatically think its cheating. I just think my DP has a drink and gets carried away Hmm

Childish and fucking infuriating, but not anything more sinister.

Take care of yourself today OP, make sure you have some time to yourself later. Let him know how you feel.
Personally, I wouldn't be worried about encouraging Ds in making shit loads of noise this morning either!!!

Original poster
Boosiehs · 01/11/2015 09:49

Thanks all. X

OP posts:
chrome100 · 01/11/2015 10:07

I don't really see the problem. My DP is still out from a Halloween party. I expect he's just slept there. It's no big deal. I don't expect him to contact me whilst he's out and vice versa.

Shutthatdoor · 01/11/2015 10:10

I agree with Phoebe. Usually being out until that time means drugs. Probably cocaine or mdma. Sorry op

Completely untrue!

Bunbaker · 01/11/2015 10:12

Is he a teenager?

Grown men with families and a baby on the way should not be behaving like this.

CheckedMate · 01/11/2015 10:15

Doesn't the tube start at about 5:30am? So it took four hours to make his tube journey? And there were no night buses? There was not a single cab to be had at all, all night long? He couldn't have used a friend's phone to call or even text? He couldn't have made a reverse charge call at midnight once he'd realised he'd missed the last tube?

If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck....

SummerNights1986 · 01/11/2015 10:18

Probably cocaine or mdma

You're not serious? How on earth could you 'probably' know that? The specific types he may take? Ridiculous.

Anyway - Without making myself seem like a druggie - I know plenty of people who still 'partake' and E's are apparently old news now.

If you're going to take ridiculous pot shots, get with the times dahhhling and choose a drug that's more 'now'.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 01/11/2015 10:19

I agree being out all night doesn't mean drugs and shagging took place, theyre just plain daft assumptions.

Ignore that OP Hmm, he's been inconsiderate and selfish for sure.

spidey66 · 01/11/2015 10:34

Checkedmate the tubes start late on Sundays..about 7-7.30am.

jay55 · 01/11/2015 10:40

The buses still run and pay phones still exist.

pinechesterdrawers · 01/11/2015 11:17

That is so inconsiderate and i cant think of any sensible excuse or reason for it. What a selfish person.

He should have planned things better, how stupid to say say "well, ummm, err... my phone ran out or didnt think there wouldnt be a taxi etc". Thinking like a child.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/11/2015 11:25

I wouldn't know where to find a payphone at 6am in London sober, let alone drunk, and I probably wouldn't have any change for one.

Not using a friends phone to text or Facebook message or whatever is a bit odd, but perhaps he just didn't think.

BojackHorseman · 01/11/2015 11:28

I sometimes pull all nighters when I go out, no sex or drugs are involved so whoever said that needs to get a grip..

expatinscotland · 01/11/2015 11:43

Long ago, I did this to a live-in boyfriend. I wasn't at a party. I was at another man's house shagging him. I wasn't married and didn't have any kids. Because you have to grow up after that..

MrsCorbyn · 01/11/2015 11:50

I'm a bit split on this one. Would you have minded if he had been in touch? I did similar to DP on Thursday night (week off) as missed last tube and he was fine with it as I was in touch. Sometimes these things happen - doesn't mean there was drugs or any illicit sex.

LineyReborn · 01/11/2015 11:51

OP, you said his phone ran out of charge because it was part of his costume. How? I don't understand that bit at all.

Not surprised you're pissed off and upset.

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/11/2015 11:54

Lauren15
"Why do say you're not proud of yourself for shouting at your dp cheesybaps? You have every right to do that. How would these guys react if their wives were behaving like that?"

I suspect its because cheesybaps knows that if the situation were reversed the thread would be full of red flags

wannaBe · 01/11/2015 12:04

I wouldn't assume drugs but I would assume that he'd slept with someone else.

Phone ran out and missed the last tube is the oldest excuse in the book. If he'd actually been out all night drinking I wouldn't expect him to be in any fit state to walk through the door at 9:30 I would expect him to stil be passed out from the night before.

Going out all night is one thing, people do it and their partners don't always mind. Going out at 7:30 and not even having the common decency to text your wife who is seven months pregnant with your child that you're not planning to come home is quite another. Are we to assume that he was at someone's house and there wasn't a phone or phone charger among them? bollocks.

liquidrevolution · 01/11/2015 12:07

Make sure when you go out you leave the 2 year old with him Wink

ConesOfDunshire · 01/11/2015 12:24

Where did he stay that didn't have a signal telecommunications device for him to text, email or call you? Unacceptable. YANBU, OP.