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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you actually want guests to turn up you don't get married on a Sunday evening?

83 replies

pasturesgreen · 30/10/2015 15:48

Friends have recently announced their wedding (at mine and another friend's joint 30th birthday party, thus slightly stealing our limelight, but never mind that now...).

They have set the date for a Sunday. The ceremony will be late afternoon, with an evening reception in the middle of nowhere a good 1h30 each way from the city the vast majority of guests and the couple live in. Before anyone asks, the location of the evening do is not special to the couple in any way - they loved the place when they visited, but it could just as easily have been somewhere closer else.

Unsurprisingly, quite a few people have already sent their regrets, and I suspect more will in the following weeks. I've just received a phone call from the bride, who appeared to be rather miffed at so many regrets, and then said it was not her problem if people had work on the following Monday, or childcare commitments, as they could always "take annual leave and book a b&b", and she expected a full turn up of her friends on her special day.

No unmovable work commitments on the part of the bride and groom that would justify the choice of the Sunday, friend specifically told me the reception venue was free on the Saturday, they just liked the idea of a Sunday marriage.

AIBU to think if you choose to marry on a Sunday evening in an inconvenient location you can't be surprised when guests are unable to attend?

OP posts:
TheOriginalMerylStrop · 30/10/2015 18:33

Um

Bride is a bit hurt I expect, possibly not having thought it through.

If I were invited I would probably go to the ceremony but decline the evening do/leave after first dance/in time to be home by midnight. So far as I'm aware childcare costs the same on a Sunday night as a Saturday. Totally doable. Unless you are being mega grumpy.

toastedbeagle · 30/10/2015 18:37

I think the distance is as much as an inconvenience as the day. We got married on a Friday so everyone had to take AL, no one declined the invite but then it was a child free wedding (no kids to invite) so no school issue.

My friends got married at the top of Scotland which required either 2 flights, a flight and a 3 hr drive, or a 8 hr drive! Still went though! And with a 1 yr old!

wizzywig · 30/10/2015 18:54

From the sunday weddings ive been to, the only folk who stay late are the oldies who dont work or folks with little kids who dont need to get up the next day for work

whois · 30/10/2015 19:03

People who get married and expect you to take a day off work to attend, and actually expect you to attend. are selfish twits.

StampyMum · 30/10/2015 19:53
  1. no, YANBU
  2. Am I the only person in Britain who works weekends?? Sometimes I feel like I am, what with the crappy transport etc.
  3. I got married on a Saturday afternoon, service plus party 3-7pm in a city where most of my friends lived at the time. So 100% of the people invited accepted plus others tried to get invited. At the time, I thought we were super popular, but looking back, we just made it the easiest wedding to attend. Sheesh.
StampyMum · 30/10/2015 19:56

Plus child friendly plus free booze. Christ almighty, now thinking of the nightmare no-food no-drink middle-of-nowhere receptions I've since read about on MN, it was the invite of the fucking year GrinWineCake

notquitehuman · 30/10/2015 20:01

Assuming that people will take annual leave is a bit cheeky. I went to five weddings one year. If I'd booked a day off for each one then I'd be down a week of holiday.

I think the lesson is if you're going to have a Sunday wedding, at least make it so people can get home at a reasonable hour. Or just pick a cheaper venue and do it on Saturday!

lljkk · 30/10/2015 20:24

I think I got married on a Sunday.
I don't think I understand British weddings. Is it compulsory to get shit-faced until you pass out at 3am?
Why can't you have a small happy not-to-long gathering?

noeffingidea · 30/10/2015 20:27

No, it's not compulsory, lljkk. All the weddings I've attended ended at midnight at the latest. Never passed out, either.

NotMyChashkaChai · 30/10/2015 20:31

are they Jewish? The only Sunday wedding I have been to was a jewish ceremony and we all had a lovely time. We did have to take the Monday off work but it was understandable.

TheOriginalWinkly · 30/10/2015 20:32

I got married on a Sunday.

Half the guests came from a plane journey away so would have had to to take annual leave whatever day I married.

The rest apparently don't dislike their 'friends'/relatives or weddings the way so many people on Mumsnet appear to do Hmm

RoseDawson · 30/10/2015 20:33

If you think that's bad, one of my DHs relatives is getting married in the arse end of beyond, in rural Scotland, on the Monday after Christmas. We are expected to attend. I am not impressed.

Owllady · 30/10/2015 20:36

I'm glad there was no mumsnet when I got married in 1997
I did not allow my parents partners and told them if there was any arguing, they'd be thrown out or need not cone
We got married without a reception, just had a quick drink and went to stay in a b&b for a couple of days up north
I'd most probably be called all sorts :o

CalleighDoodle · 30/10/2015 20:37

I have a family Sunday wedding soon. the week before christmas. And hour and a half drive away. With no children (except a small chosen few) allowed. I said my H cant come and i cant stay over on the sunday night as i had no childcare on the monday and traffic in the morning would mean id have to leave by 6am to get home in time for H to get to work on time. Shocked Response was can no family member look after them?! Er no since they are all at your wedding...

And breath...

Owllady · 30/10/2015 20:37

Mind you wedding was localish and we didn't have a wedding list
Confused

CalleighDoodle · 30/10/2015 20:38

owllady you didnt allow your parents partners?! I believe those names you think youd have got called are controlling and rude. Shock

CalleighDoodle · 30/10/2015 20:41

not everyone has a choice when they can use their annual leave either. I dont. And lots of companies dont allow annual leave close to christmas.

Owllady · 30/10/2015 20:45

They'd only just got divorced to be fair and I was sick of their arguing, quarelling in front of us that had gone on for years. They had to give one hour whilst they all behaved themselves. They could have chosen not to go, it would have made no odds to me
They still didn't manage not to argue, but thank God I didn't have to listen to it into the night :o as we'd already buggered off

CalleighDoodle · 30/10/2015 21:12

Ah well in that case it sounds more like boyfriend / girlfriend than partners and well Done for even inviting your warring parents Grin how stressful!

CruCru · 30/10/2015 22:00

Hmm. I remember going to a Sunday wedding with my then boyfriend. It was lovely but we had to leave immediately after the meal as we had to get from rural Sussex to Newcastle as we had work / university the next day. It was really quite embarrassing, the bride clearly wasn't very impressed.

Murdochsgirl · 30/10/2015 22:06

Could be Greek wedding - they are nearly always on a Sunday or at least they used to be.

cluecu · 30/10/2015 22:09

I've been a guest at a wedding where the bride was a close enough friend for me to take the Monday off work so I could enjoy myself properly.

Have also been an evening guest at a Sunday wedding where I was there as the wife of the cousin of the groom, not that close btw.

Second wedding was very quiet in terms of party/guests and this was defo due to it being a Sunday. Even if everyone decided to take the Monday off, Sundays have their own horrible way about them Sad

Mmmmcake123 · 30/10/2015 22:20

Have they picked Sunday as Saturday wouldn't work. Op said venue was available on Saturday but is the wedding ceremony at the venue or did the ceremony have to be booked separately? I was really surprised when arranging my wedding how far in advance I needed to book. I would have much preferred it to be sooner.
They may not like the idea of a Saturday night party that goes on and on so that could be reason for choosing Sunday.
However if they're not in love with the venue they should have got somewhere nearer to the majority of guests

LongHardStare · 30/10/2015 22:25

An hour and a half away from where most guests live is not an inconvenient location for a wedding. People often travel far further.

There is no reason guests couldn't attend and go to work the next day although taking a morning or a day off is an option for those who want to. It isn't an unusual reason for taking a day off work nor an unusual thing to book a b&b for a night when going to a wedding.

Perhaps they wanted their wedding to be low key or to avoid potential drunken drama by having their wedding on a Sunday.

Fizrim · 30/10/2015 22:30

I know someone who worked in retail (so would normally work Saturdays, as did many friends) and she got married on a (Bank Holiday) Sunday.

I do resent weddings that sap annual leave. I missed an in-laws wedding because I'd already booked/used my leave for the year when they announced their ceremony and I didn't have any spare days left. Usually I have days left at the end of the year, but of course the one time I could have done with them was the one year I'd used them!