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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you actually want guests to turn up you don't get married on a Sunday evening?

83 replies

pasturesgreen · 30/10/2015 15:48

Friends have recently announced their wedding (at mine and another friend's joint 30th birthday party, thus slightly stealing our limelight, but never mind that now...).

They have set the date for a Sunday. The ceremony will be late afternoon, with an evening reception in the middle of nowhere a good 1h30 each way from the city the vast majority of guests and the couple live in. Before anyone asks, the location of the evening do is not special to the couple in any way - they loved the place when they visited, but it could just as easily have been somewhere closer else.

Unsurprisingly, quite a few people have already sent their regrets, and I suspect more will in the following weeks. I've just received a phone call from the bride, who appeared to be rather miffed at so many regrets, and then said it was not her problem if people had work on the following Monday, or childcare commitments, as they could always "take annual leave and book a b&b", and she expected a full turn up of her friends on her special day.

No unmovable work commitments on the part of the bride and groom that would justify the choice of the Sunday, friend specifically told me the reception venue was free on the Saturday, they just liked the idea of a Sunday marriage.

AIBU to think if you choose to marry on a Sunday evening in an inconvenient location you can't be surprised when guests are unable to attend?

OP posts:

notquitehuman · 30/10/2015 16:41

I don't mind a Sunday wedding, but agree that you can't expect people to turn up if it means a long schlep and having to pay for hotels etc.

Last time I went to a Sunday wedding a lot of people left pretty early. It did feel pretty weird getting dressed up on my usual pjyama day, and by 9.30 I was trying to politely make my escape as it was work the next morning. A few people did stay and get absolutely shitfaced though.

I think in general people can't 'expect' others to RSVP yes. It's an invitation, not a court summons or military draft.

supadupapupascupa · 30/10/2015 16:42

i dont see any difference to any other wedding other than a sat tbh as long as enough notice is given. ours was a friday and very well attended. If people want to be there they will

FernieB · 30/10/2015 16:48

YANBU. I know for a B&G it's their special day and very exciting for them but for their guests it's not a special day, it's another party which will be soon forgotten. If the time/location is inconvenient or going to make it expensive to attend, then people won't bother and shouldn't be made to feel guilty that they'd rather spend their own time/money on things that are important to them instead of someone else's wedding.

Unreasonablebetty · 30/10/2015 16:49

I am a bit of an awkward arse, and booked my wedding on a Wednesday and hour away from home, however we only invited a very small handful of people, there were about 20 of us, DHS parents, one of his school friends, one of my school friends, the rest were guests who we tend to see 3-4 times a week who we love like family.
Sure, this meant that most of our guests took two days off of work for our wedding, but they didn't mind as they had very little expense in attending our wedding, as we didn't ask for or want presents, and we paid for people's drinks all night and their hotel rooms.
My parents couldn't be bothered to make the drive, and that cemented the belief that people who don't care won't come, the ones who did come, I'm so happy that I had them a part of such a special day to us.

WMittens · 30/10/2015 16:51

I guess it sorts out the friends who will make the effort from the friends who won't. Book the monday off work, book a hotel, get pissed, enjoy the party. I assume they've give more than, say, a month's notice of the date?

RhiWrites · 30/10/2015 16:58

I think Sunday weddings are a way for the b&g to make cost savings while passing the expense on to their guests.

I'm surprised so many couples think people should take annual leave for their special day.

Lightbulbon · 30/10/2015 17:00

Sundays are ok if you don't expect people to drink or stay late.

VenusVanDamme · 30/10/2015 17:00

When we got married there was only a 10% discount for a Sunday which I didn't think was enough to justify it for us (had a Saturday). The only problem I've noticed from the Sunday wedding I attended, which was local for guests, was that a lot of people left early as didn't want to take the Monday off. Whereas, I've been to a Thursday wedding and we all took the Friday off. Not sure why it felt different but it did!

crabbiearses · 30/10/2015 17:02

i think if you care about people you attend their wedding no matter what the day.

Owllady · 30/10/2015 17:04

Unless you count on getting surfaced at every wedding you go to, I don't understand why you would gave to have Monday off

I wonder if I'm just old

Owllady · 30/10/2015 17:05

Surfaced was supposed to say shitfaced

cece · 30/10/2015 17:05

I was invited to a Sunday wedding once. It was also a black tie do. For both of those reasons we declined.

Onthepigsback · 30/10/2015 17:06

YABU, the people who care about you would still turn up on a Sunday. Surely Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday weddings are more inconvenient? ?

ElviraCondomine · 30/10/2015 17:12

People can book their weddings for whenever they want, but complaining about people's inability to attend is then rather petty.

BIL and SIL were married somewhere that required us taking a flight or ferry trip. Even though DH is a teacher, and the DC were both school age, they were married at midday on a Saturday in the middle of term time.

BIL was very put out when we said that we could only go if the DCs' school gave them the day off, and we travelled on the Friday. The alternative was a flight on the Saturday which would have got us into the town just an hour before the ceremony and I thought that was too tight to risk (especially as they wanted the DC to be bridesmaids!)

If the school didn't give permission, DH would have been going by himself. I wasn't spending £1000+ on flights, hotels, clothes etc to potentially miss the wedding! Apparently I was unreasonable however... (story of my life with DH's family, sadly - MIL still talks about the time I didn't go to a family party because I had the temerity to stay home with a 2 year old with a sky high temperature due to chickenpox!)

Jux · 30/10/2015 17:13

If the bride had actually said "I don't give a shit about how inconvenient it is to every one, that's simply not my problem", as she has said to you, then I think I wouldn't bother going.

She wants every one there? Huh, not my problem. No hesitation in emulating her attitude.

welliesandleaves · 30/10/2015 17:15

I don't see how it's any different to asking people to take a Friday off work to attend a wedding. In fact, this way, guests have the option of staying sober and not leaving the wedding too late, therefornot needing to take Monday off.

SplatterMustard · 30/10/2015 17:23

Are they Jewish and avoiding getting married on the Saturday? If not, they are being unreasonable expecting people to come no matter what.

elpth · 30/10/2015 17:28

We had a Sunday wedding (cheaper!) and then a few weeks later a Sunday party to celebrate (venues booked already for Saturdays for months). The wedding was part of a week away with all our parents so the actual day of the wedding was fairly irrelevant. The party was in central Edinburgh on an English bank holiday weekend which some people in Edinburgh get and others not (some schools were on half term too). So almost all those who had to travel had the Monday off anyway whilst locals may have but didn't have far to travel. Party was still swinging til the venue threw us out at 1am and there were very few people who didn't attend (about four out of 150). So not all Sunday weddings are bad!

m0therofdragons · 30/10/2015 17:28

Meh we just went to a wedding on a Monday as bride and groom are teachers and it's half term. I booked time off work and went, as did the other 80 plus guests. Also it was 4 hours drive for us and we have 3 small dc that we also took. Wedding was lovely, fab time had by all.

ChilledAndPleasant · 30/10/2015 17:34

We were invited to a Sunday wedding a few years ago. We went because it meant a lot to us to be invited but it was Sunday afternoon and we had to leave by about 6pm to get our 'plane home to be at work the next day.

Also, several people hadn't read the invitation properly and assumed it was Saturday and turned up the day before!

I felt really sorry for the bride and groom as the venue was fairly empty and lots of food must have gone to waste but, thankfully, they seemed so delighted to be getting married that I am not sure they noticed.

So I think YABU to think people are less likely to turn up on Sunday evening, but I hope your friend has a lovely wedding and is not disappointed at the turnout.

Narp · 30/10/2015 17:37

I don't really understand what the problem is.

Do you not ever go out on a Sunday evening, OP? to a restaurant, pub, cinema, theatre? Maybe I'm a bit old, but I can envisage going to an event on a Sunday and it not resulting in me having to take the next day off

For this to be such a big deal, I'd guess you don't really value them much as friends

Narp · 30/10/2015 17:39

Maybe persuade them to charter a coach to solve the transport problem

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/10/2015 17:39

people aren't going to die if they go out slightly late on one Sunday.

Osolea · 30/10/2015 17:47

People who care the most are still likely to attend, but it would change the whole dynamic of the event if people are thinking about getting home for work in the morning.

The bride is very presumptuous to assume that people will stay in a B&B as well as book annual leave. A good host makes things as easy as possible for their guests, they don't try and save themselves money by making it cost their guests more.

Headofthehive55 · 30/10/2015 17:57

It so depends on your situation! What is easy for a single , can take AL at anytime person may not be easy for someone with children, unusual work patterns etc.

I think it is not as simple as if you are good friend you will go!

I cannot always choose my off duty, and do not always have available childcare, even if I have months to plan. Using AL for holiday childcare alongside DH means any taken together for a wedding impacts on the chance of a holiday or Christmas together.

The impact of weddings a distance away often means a hotel, and extra cost.

Personally I prefer Sunday to midweek weddings.

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