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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"He's ok in small doses"

49 replies

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 30/10/2015 11:10

FIL and his partner just dropped 5yo DS off after having him overnight. AIBU to think, after asking repeatedly to have him overnight, insisting they'd love nothing more than to spend two days uninterrupted with him doing fun things, that this comment is a bit... rude? He didn't say it in a particularly kind way, and I don't think he meant it as a joke...

Apparently he wasn't naughty or cheeky, so I'm not sure what he means by it, tbh. He did say he was a bit tired because DS got up at 7, which is a bit earlier than FIL would have liked.

DH thinks he just meant he couldn't do it full-time and meant no harm. And I am suffering horrendous PMT, so I could be making something out of nothing.

Would this comment make you feel a bit hurt on your DC's behalf or am I being a twit?

OP posts:

tabulahrasa · 30/10/2015 11:13

I'd take that just as - children are hard work...because they are, nothing to do with being naughty or cheeky either, they are hard work.

AlwaysHope1 · 30/10/2015 11:16

Yabu, it's the truth but not in a bad way. I could only have my nephews over for short spaces as they were too hyper and could handle them in small doses. It's nothing to get offended about, it's just how kids are.

lornathewizzard · 30/10/2015 11:17

Yeah, kids are hard work! I think his wording has just been a bit clunky (probably tired as you say).

blobbityblob · 30/10/2015 11:19

I think people underestimate how much energy is required to cope with small dc, that's all.

Maybe what they've seen in the past is a relatively well behaved little boy because you are there, seeing to his needs, anticipating what might happen before it does.

And the reality is it's quite exhausting, especially if you're not used to it.

So I would read into that - jeez we hadn't realised how full on a 5 year old can be. Now we know. So we'd still love to have him but probably not for two full days.

It all changes when they're 8 or so and become much easier to manage.

MissMarpleCat · 30/10/2015 11:26

I think fil probably mean't that they were knackered and overnight is ok, but no longer. My mil says similar when she has my dc's and I know she adores them

scatterthenuns · 30/10/2015 11:31

I don't think its rude.

At best kids are ok in short doses when they are not yours.

miaowroar · 30/10/2015 11:33

Definitely don't be offended. When I help (not even on my own) look after my niblings (haha - pinched off another MNer) who are 11, 8 and 6, I am on my knees and they aren't naughty.

Sometimes I think they are more demanding of me than their parents in terms of attention though, but when I told them I was feeling a bit tired and would they like to watch some TV - blissful quiet and a nice peaceful coffee for me. Good children + old(ish) adults = knackering, that's all.

TheTigerIsOut · 30/10/2015 11:34

I don't think this is a personal dig from a man to his grandchild. Just a simple comment admitting what we all know, that when it comes to small children,they are hard work and it is always nice to be able to hand them back to their parents after a few hours together.

Daffydil · 30/10/2015 11:39

To be honest, my own DS is better in small doses! Shame I generally get him in large ones.

herecomesthsun · 30/10/2015 11:46

It could be more about FIL admitting his age and waning stamina, than about DS?

juneau · 30/10/2015 11:48

People of GP age find small DC exhausting. It sounds like your FIL and his partner had just forgotten how tiring it is to have a small DC around.

CardinalPoint · 30/10/2015 11:49

I think it's ok too. It was a bit of a thoughtless comment but probably not meant unkindly. 5 year olds are fun but are still a bit full on.

I wouldn't take offence but maybe I'd limit sleep overs to shorter visits until he is older.

FluffyNinja · 30/10/2015 11:50

Once you're past 50, looking after even well behaved young kids is unbelievably exhausting compared to when you were that bit younger.

I think your FIL was just acknowledging that he doesn't have the energy levels for longer periods of time with his DGS.

My DH is in his early sixties and we have a 6 yr old DS. DH is retired and at home but has afternoon naps every day to help him cope.

StarkyTheDirewolf · 30/10/2015 11:55

I don't think it's a dig. When I mind my 5yo nephew "he's all right in small doses" because its exhausting! I'm entrusted with someone else's most precious thing and he doesn't sit still! If he was mine, it would be different, because I'd know automatically whether he likes this or doesn't like that etc.

Having 40 4yo kids with 3 adults in a school setting as a TA was exhausting, having one, in my own home is beyond knackering!

VelvetShroudatMidnight · 30/10/2015 11:58

I wouldn't be hurt no, he's obviously forgotten how exhausting young children can be, its not a comment on your DS.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 30/10/2015 11:59

No dig at all.

I'm sure you appreciated the break too!

Chewbecca · 30/10/2015 12:06

Twit, sorry.

Could've been worded more kindly but if my parents said it, I know it wouldn't have been meant unkindly, just recognising that it is tiring.

BadgersBum · 30/10/2015 12:31

My DDad always tells me how much he loves being a Grandad ... because you can hand them back when you've had enough!

I totally understand and am a bit envious somedays.

EponasWildDaughter · 30/10/2015 12:35

Yes, i think he's underestimated how tiring he would find it.

I think the 'small doses' was just a throw away remark. Same as ''love them, but lovely to hand them back'' is.

gamerwidow · 30/10/2015 12:46

I wouldn't worry about it he probably just didn't realise how much hard work was involved in looking after DC. Dd has just spent the week at my pil and they've loved having her but are pleased to give her back because they're knackered.

Lndnmummy · 30/10/2015 12:47

I think that is really rude

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 30/10/2015 12:50

Depends on the tone.

I am adamant that i love being able to hands kids back, it doesn't mean I don't enjoy spending time with them. Just that I prefer to be the one doing fun visits rather than the crappy/boring//hard bits of parenting. Absolutely never a dig at the children or parents!

CherriBlossim · 30/10/2015 13:00

I suspect your FIL has a dry sense of humour? It's the kind of thing that would be said quite a lot around the area I come from.

FretYeNotAllIsShiny · 30/10/2015 13:05

Yeah, as a grandparent, I agree this isn't a dig. I find young kids exhausting and I'm still of an age where my peers are having children. To me it's no more meant than the phrase 'yeah I love kids, couldn't eat a full one'. Being able to hand the children back is one of the things that makes being a grandparent awesome., all the fun times, not much responsibility.

DN4GeekinDerby · 30/10/2015 13:09

He certainly could have been worded that better. If it is meant to be about his own ability to cope, he should say that. I wouldn't take it as a direct insult unless there were other similar children in the family they spend more time with without such comments.

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