BIL for the love of god, please stop!

[minifingerz]

.. on holiday with SIL and BIL. They are good people and SIL in particular is the loveliest person I know. But BIL's conversation consists of the following:

• him telling you how brilliant he is at everything. He knows more than you about everything, including your job

• him telling you, in detail, how clever he was as child, how he went to every top private school in Scotland, and never did any work, and came first in everything, despite being younger than everyone else. And he went to a top university at 16, and studied multiple degrees, and came top in everything. He got scholarships without sitting exams - just had people offer them to him

• he was brilliant at all sports

• he has done every job you can think of, and been brilliant at it, and told everyone else that he worked with that they were crap and got the better of them

• he studied for multiple degrees while working and found them easy.

There is not one single subject on god's earth that he doesn't know about. He never asks any questions that aren't designed to show how clever he is. I have never seen him show any genuine curiosity about anything - showing curiosity isn't possible if you already know everything about everything.

It's exhausting.

He is a medically retired ex middle-manager from a utility company.

How am I not going to scream 'oh for fuck sake, stop bullshitting!' across the dinner table for another two days? I'm already having to police myself to suppress rampant eye-rolling and darting appalled looks at DH (BIL is DH's sister's husband).

Why do some people men feel the need to do this?

So he's a compulsive liar? Or genuinely deluded?

SiL does this. Draining, isn't it?

You have my sympathy.

I always end up drinking heavily.

You should take the piss out of him. Say, So you're good at A, B and C. Now what about D? What do you know about that?

Then pour everyone a drink.

You need a LOT of wine.

No other advice, just sympathy.

Keep bringing the conversation to the present day. Ask him when he last read a novel, enjoyed watching a film, made a new friend, made anything new, learned a new yoga position...

I think I met him on holiday in the summer.

Ask him why he doesn't end up becoming pm or getting a Nobel peace prize. An Olympic medal. I'd have to take the piss

"Ask him why he doesn't end up becoming pm or getting a Nobel peace prize. An Olympic medal. I'd have to take the piss"

I swear to god, he'd answer something along the lines of 'I couldn't be bothered because it wasn't challenging enough for me'.

I'm drinking a lot.

I know this man, kind of. Only my one is now a 'SAHD' [children about to leave home] because every occupation he tried didn't meet his incredibly high standards. There is nothing, but nothing, at which he does not excel. We had one holiday (from hell) with him in which he insisted on giving all the kids maths lessons at 8am and lecturing us about our inferior parenting skills. He is, in short, a complete prick.

Alcohol is the only way to cope with these people. And secret death fantasies.

I have a Bil like this too, it's bloody tedious. You have my sympathy, luckily I've managed to avoid holidaying with him. Plenty of is the way, as King advised.

"So he's a compulsive liar? Or genuinely deluded?"

He's a bullshitter, but there are elements of truth in there. He is bright and he did go to a couple of good schools.

It's the fact he constantly needs to mention how brilliant he was and the fact he's been telling us these stories repeatedly for 15 years that gets to me.

Yes, laugh. If he is bullshitting, laugh and call him on it in a jovial way.

Or if you want to be evil: "It's amazing how you stay so upbeat, I'd be gutted if I had all that early potential but somehow got trapped in deadend middle management. You always put on such a brave face and you never seem at all embarrassed. We always think, 'Oh good for you BIL, don't let it get you down', bless your spirit. "

My BIL is like this. I think he is actually horrible to his DW, she can never be right about anything, unless she is agreeing with him. She actually believes herself to be thick after being subjected to 25 years of his proclamations and bluster. She isn't thick.

What went wrong then?

This amount of brilliantness does not add up to middle manager in utlity co.

Which schools?

There are lots of good private schools in Scotland? Why did he go to them all? Was he asked to leave?

My SIL is a bit like this. And she's a genuinely nice person with a good heart - she just can't hold back on the constant oneupmanship. I just want her one time to say "Oh Hassled, did you really learn how to resuscitate a horse/fix a rocket/win a Nobel prize? That sounds great - I'd love to do that". It's bloody wearing.

As you've reasonably turned to drink and have nothing to lose, just call him on it. Ask very specific questions - when, exactly, did he get that scholarship? What were the terms? Was it in the local newspaper?

I have a relative like this. After informing us that his dog had chased our sheep, he told us the sheep had been in the wrong place and he'd sorted that out for us and perhaps our (young but well controlled) collie could learn a thing or 2 from him. I was so proud of DH for remaining civil!

I'm too Irish to keep schtum.I'd have to say ' for fecks sake cop on to yerself ya gobshite '

Oh mara, that's brilliant.

Humour, mockery and alcohol.
"Hurray, another exciting episode in the life of Super Bil!"
"Ah go on Einstein, tell us another story about how brilliant you are!"
"And the Nobel prize goes to... Wonder boy!"

I have a relative who is not the same, more the "remember that time when you... Insert embarrasing incident"
I shut them dow quite successfully by saying something like " wow yes and I was only at secondary school then so that happened over 20 years ago. Such a long time, your memory is really good to still be able to recall it, I don't think back to my school days too often any more". Never.mentioned.again.

alcohol is the only way

these people always have an answer

you laugh they may laugh with you but how long can you laugh for you pull them up they have an answer as this has been done to them time and time again

or ask do you ever tire of talking about yourself so much but no doubt that will lead on to no I do not the thing is having such high intelligence ...... and it goes on

sorry op not very helpful

I'm with Mara all the way, get straight to the point following a couple of drinks, banter put downs nonstop

What a shame his employers failed to notice his brilliance.
Have you ever asked him why he wasn't more successful. Bill Gates he ain't.

very good RunRabbitRunRabbit

I was thinking along those lines too, "what a shame you never really fulfilled your potential, especially with all the opportunities you were given, all those good schools and universities and degrees. I suppose everyone thought you'd have a glittering career, well at least you're not bitter about it......"

I wouldn't really say that, but I'd think it, with a patronizing smile and maybe a head tilt - and have another drink!