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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what you think has the biggest positive effect on toddler bedtime tantrums etc

46 replies

VondaBigboots · 29/10/2015 20:41

As in ... Cutting out/reducing tv? Anything specific in your routine? Earlier/later bedtime? Asking as I'm desperate to have an evening without a hyperactive toddler throwing things about and squealing. He is 2.3 by the way.

OP posts:

Mrscog · 29/10/2015 21:06

Being calm and firm, and the bedtime late enough so they will actually stay in bed, but early enough that they're not super emotional over every single little thing.

I think my DS started to respond to threats a bit later (more like 2.9)but they can also be very effective - taking away toys, having 1 story instead of 2 etc.

Eminado · 29/10/2015 21:09

No tv/screen time and being firm as above seems to be working here .... For now.

Boo00100001 · 29/10/2015 21:09

wind down after dinner.

No TV, no noisy toys, no active games etc.

Just quiet things - do some colouring, fold the laundry. sweep the kitchen floor etc. then quick bath if he needs one, then calm bedtime stories.

and firm firm firm!

VikingLady · 29/10/2015 21:11

We do rewards rather than threats for DD, but it's essentially the same. Three nursery rhymes normally worn an extra one once she's in bed IF she's good. Threatening to remove anything caused total meltdown for us, as it was altering her routine too much.

LunchpackOfNotreDame · 29/10/2015 21:13

Enough sleep during a 24 hour period. Some clever soul told me a toddler needs 13 hours in any 24 hour timeframe and that must either be in a nighttime block or night time plus naps.

It took a while to balance it but once we cracked it the tantrums stopped

A good wind down routine was a must

PantsOfGold · 29/10/2015 21:13

A routine that is set in stone. Bath, milk and plenty of time for a story. Definitely no telly after bath time.

ahbollocks · 29/10/2015 21:15

Same routine every night.
No tv after bath. Calm firm and ignore any silly business

ahbollocks · 29/10/2015 21:16

And yep 13 hours. Mine needs to be asleep by 6.30 or she is a crazy person.

Purplepoodle · 29/10/2015 21:16

My youngest same age goes to bed at 7. I start bed prep around 6ish with getting all dc into pjs/brush teeth and we usually all sit, cuddle on the sofa and watch some quiet cartoons - cars is a fav. Then I take toddler up around 6.30ish, have two story's and I sing him some songs while having a cuddle in bed. Then night night kiss. Most nights it's fine some nights its screaming ab dabs but in a gate on his room so he sits and huffs at the gate then toddles back to bed.

I've found firm consistency is the best. He knows what's coming, he knows he gets two story's and some songs then he knows it's sleep time.

Purplepoodle · 29/10/2015 21:17

Should add though he wakes 6am on the dot

Remembermyname · 29/10/2015 21:21

DD is 2.5 and we find variation to the routine help a lot, so getting undressed in a different room, or having a bath in our en suite occasionally really help to stop her anticipating what's coming and starting to act up about it. Also putting bubble bath in and taking the plug out help get her in and out.

Ahardmanisgoodtofind · 29/10/2015 21:22

We count down the steps and explain what tomorrow will bring.
For example:have a bath, brush teeth,snuggles and sleep and tomorrow we will...Go to the park and do some painting.
We start about an hour before bed and show what needs to be done/has been done on our fingers. Knowing what's coming seems to help and give him something to work towards if that makes sense.

Eminado · 29/10/2015 22:12

"Mine needs to be asleep by 6.30 or she is a crazy person."

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 29/10/2015 22:51

My ds was a 6pm bedtime before 'the switch' to evil child at 6:01...

For dd (2 1/2), its a simple routine.

Dinner
Milk
Teeth
Story
Cuddles
Bed

She is pretty good. Sometimes she lays in her cot, chatting. This is ok, cute to listen to. Occasionally, she will get up, shout, bang...so I go in with my 'serious voice' and tell her off for keeping her favourite toys awake. I ask the toys if they want to sleep in my bed. They usually give her one more chance to be quiet.

Don't usually give her a bath before bed, as it wakes her up too much. Unless we had mash for dinner..

She has no idea that the big square thing has pictures on!

One thing that helped with ds was letting him choose his own bedding. And pjs. If he had picked them, he was happy to wear them.

GreenPetal94 · 29/10/2015 23:02

If mine had screaming tantrums at bedtime as tiny ones I would just lift them into the cot anyway and ignore the tantrum. Doesn't work if your child can climb out of the cot though. Also if they do accidentally fall asleep you have to be happy to skip the routine.

We lived in a flat then so this cot was v nearby.

Contrary to some advice the boys still loved their cots,

teacher54321 · 29/10/2015 23:14

Routine routine routine. Makes both sets of GPs laugh that when they look after DS he tells them in minute detail what they should be doing at each stage of bedtime. With us it's always bath after Charlie and Lola (at 6.10) out of the bath at 6.30, brush teeth, stories in our bed, stories in his bed, 10 kisses and bed. Obviously sometimes he's a terror but generally this works fine.

PoundingTheStreets · 30/10/2015 02:20

Definitely agree that a good bedtime routine is what matters. It gives children a warning that they will be expected to go to bed, and you can make the routine into such a positive thing that bedtime becomes associated with positive feelings, meaning tantrums are far less likely.

With mine, I always went down the bath/story route - even though they didn't need a bath every day, it was calming, soothing, and helped set up the subconscious association that sleep would soon be following.

Original poster

VondaBigboots · 30/10/2015 07:58

Thanks all, some good ideas here. Wonder if I've set up an expectation with DS that after the bath is a 'crazy time' because I've let him go a bit mad, thinking he needs to get it out of his system before bed. Also, he's dropped his nap (refuses to and then if he does, won't go to bed until 10) but will only sleep about 11.5 hours at night. Last night he finally went off about 8 but awake at 730 this morning.
Whycant - I wish DS had no idea what the big square thing was for ... (I'm jealous).

OP posts:

PhoenixReisling · 30/10/2015 08:17

When our DD was this age, for some reason we thought she was at the stage for a later bedtime 7.30 ish.

We found that come 6.30pm, she would get her second wind and it could take a few hours for her to actually go to bed.....8-8.30pm!

She obviously wasn't getting enough sleep, as she would be grouchy etc in the day and I was loathe to reintroduce her nap. After this we actually put her bedtime and the run up to this back by an hour and it has worked since.

She watches Charlie and Lola and then she will have a longish bath. Then we will have stories in bed and she is generally a sleep by 7.15pm.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 30/10/2015 09:25

Vonda

12 year ds can't turn it on either... Never bothered to learn!
He will be glued to grandads over the weekend though. Grandad seems to be the only person with enough patience for the endless questions

Who is that what's the thing in the corner is that cat real is the roof wet why didn't the cat fall off what flavour is the cat meat why hasn't the cat got water who brushed the cat why didn't the lady stroke the cat?

It's ok dgs, I didn't want to watch a cat food advert. I don't particularly like cats...

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 30/10/2015 09:28

Another tv comment

Somebody at work used to ask every day without fail
Did you watch
No, probably not
You haven't even heard what I was going to ask
As I am (was at the time) an apprentice, on minimum pay, I can't afford a tv or a licence. So I don't have them.
I am fairly sure I didn't watch it!

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 30/10/2015 09:29

Serious comment for you.

Put them to bed before they are too tired. With a nice full tummy.

If they miss a nap, put them down earlier.

Ledkr · 30/10/2015 09:34

I use my special breezy singsong voice.
"Come on, in you get, don't be daft, of course you dint need blah blah blah, we are going (insert fun activity) tomorrow, you will be too tired)" it seems to overwhelm her protests

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 30/10/2015 10:39

Nothing worked for us.

Apart from maybe wine for the adults.

MrsHathaway · 30/10/2015 10:50

I agree with pps that starting early enough seems to help. Also pretending you don't care whether they're in bed or not.

Bonkers after bath is no good. Maybe have a dance before bathtime - let him choose from songs on YouTube on your phone, or stick on one of the "vintage" music channels on the TV, then afterwards race up the stairs for bathtime and calm down.

Does he enjoy books? My similarly-aged child has only just worked them out but it's a good way of making them be still. He likes songs at bedtime too, not even necessarily lullabies, just songs he knows which make him sit the fuck down for a minute or two at a time.

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