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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what you think has the biggest positive effect on toddler bedtime tantrums etc

46 replies

VondaBigboots · 29/10/2015 20:41

As in ... Cutting out/reducing tv? Anything specific in your routine? Earlier/later bedtime? Asking as I'm desperate to have an evening without a hyperactive toddler throwing things about and squealing. He is 2.3 by the way.

OP posts:

nokidshere · 30/10/2015 11:10

Put them to bed before they get overtired otherwise they will be too restless to sleep. If its too late now just start the bedtime routine earlier - he wont know the difference.

But by far the most useful bedtime (parenting?) tool is Consistancy, Consistancy, Consistancy! good luck.

trilbydoll · 30/10/2015 11:22

No iPad ever and the less tv the better.

Mixing up the routine - at the moment, your routine is the signal for messing about time. So do things in a different order to reset everything.

Taking the side off the cot so we could sit on the bed and hold her down!

No unnecessary battles. So she has to wear a nappy but if she doesn't want pjs, fine.

We don't really have horrific bedtimes any more, all her messing about is good natured. I think she realised making us laugh was far more effective at delaying the inevitable than making us cross!

GothicRainbow · 30/10/2015 11:39

We've found a really strong consistent routine has helped. My DS (2.5) knows exactly what's expected at each stage and can pre-empt, he finds this reassuring as he has issues with the Unknown.

We do have the tv on in the afternoon but make sure it's always switched off a minimum of 1 hour before bed - this really helped us.

We do stories downstairs before bath time and once in PJ's he has milk and does teeth then into bed. We don't do stories or playing once he's in his bed - we've convinced him that bed is strictly for sleeping. Once you're in bed you go to sleep, kind of thing.

We're just working our way through dropping naps on the days where we do get a nap then we push bedtime back an hour which causes less mucking about during the bedtime routine.

mintbiscuit · 30/10/2015 11:50

Enough sleep during a 24 hour period. Some clever soul told me a toddler needs 13 hours in any 24 hour timeframe and that must either be in a nighttime block or night time plus naps.

Lunchbox is right. Fighting sleep is usually down to a lack of sleep. Early bedtimes are a must for mine otherwise they get a second wind.

RumbleMum · 30/10/2015 11:56

You have my sympathy!

I found starting routine early to give enough time to completely ignore DS1 if he had a tantrum at bedtime was the key. A complete withdrawal of attention every time he did it meant he eventually got bored.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say TV is the only thing that helps mine wind down to bedtime - but they're all different so that may not work for you. Good luck!

TheTigerIsOut · 30/10/2015 12:31

Consistency, routine and sending them to bed before they are overtired.

Onthepigsback · 30/10/2015 15:08

The only hints I have right now is to under no circumstances feed the negative energy. Walk away. Otherwise the battle goes out of control. I also give warning that in 5 mins it's bedtime. When the time is up, I say right, let's go, ignore any protests, turn off all lights on my way and go into his room and wait with the light on. He hates to be alone with the lights off so comes fairly soon. If he gets back out if bed after cuddles, I close gates and turn off lights (threaten to turn his off too if he doesn't get back in bed) which always makes him get straight back into bed of his own accord. All the while this is going on he is usually arguing, spoiling for a fight but if I can hold my shit together and not get into it, he gives up quickly.

EagleRay · 30/10/2015 16:22

This thread is very interesting - am embarrassed to say DD (aged 2.10) has never fallen asleep before 8pm and often it's 9 before she's nods off.

I feel really up against it - I collect her from nursery at 6pm, then she comes home and usually watches a bit of tv and has a second dinner snack then bedtime starts around 7.30. DP works away most of the week (home on weds eves and at weekends) and so any attempts to make bedtime gradually earlier get thwarted by the excitement of DD seeing him on the nights he's here.

I really would like to try again though - am pg with DC2 and work full time so evenings are a bit of a nightmare at the moment as virtually no time left to do anything once DD is asleep.

She naps for an hour each day - I reckon in each 24 hour period she gets 11 hours of sleep. I think I'll try making bedtime a little bit earlier each eve to see what happens - or is it too late to change habits now? The dilemma is made harder by her not actually seeming that overtired in the evening - can be a bit frail of temperament once we get home but then seems to pick up again!

LunchpackOfNotreDame · 30/10/2015 16:42

Put them to bed content and not grizzly and read a bedtime story. Make bed a place they want to be and let them self settle. It should take a little while for average joe to fall asleep so as long as they're not bawling their eyes out, in pain or need a bum change leave them be, they'll soon doze off

Bungleboggs · 30/10/2015 18:47

Mine have nightlights and I invested in a In the night garden CD. It worked miracles. Fast asleep by 6.30-7am.

Original poster

VondaBigboots · 30/10/2015 19:15

Mrs Hathaway - He does like books but it's hard getting him to calm down enough to sit down and read in the evening. He literally runs out of the bathroom before I can get a towel on him to start messing about.

Liking the idea about mixing the routine up a bit, just got to work out how ...

However, this evening I decided to try getting his madness out before dinner - cue lots of batting a balloon about on the sofa for ages. After his bath he seemed about to go into his mad moment, but then became very grouchy and fell asleep in my arms around 615! So maybe it worked?? (Have also moved the whole routine earlier to try to avoid overtiredness). Going to start reducing tv before bath too (we'll see if it works Rumblemum as DS seems to calm down in front of it too). Eagleray - I bet yours could do with an earlier bedtime if you can manage it. Just cut lots of steps out?

I will also add that we co-sleep with DS and I just want to cut the tantrums out before attempting a move to his own bed...

OP posts:

Shelby2010 · 30/10/2015 20:36

If it's not a bath night then I often get mine in their PJs downstairs while they watch tv. Cuts out all the getting undressed battles. I second other posters that say start earlier so you don't get stressed if they are messing about a bit. Also when they are old enough to understand, then the reward of having an extra story if they get in to bed quickly can also work.

PushAPushPop · 30/10/2015 20:47

Funny how different routines work for different kids. Ds is 2.2 and is always asleep by 7.30ish.

We do bath at 5.30 after dinner, then a good hour or so playing, watching Cbeebies- just basically chilling, also gives him the chance to spend some time with his big sis (16) who doesn't get home til teatime so it's good for him to see her and have a story/ play with some toys.

Then I take him to bed, put nursery rhymes on my iphone and he's out like a light

bimandbam · 30/10/2015 20:59

I am completetly opposite to many in that I use the TV as a signal. In the night garden goes on and we watch together. Might read a story or two during that time. Bedtime song, kiss for daddy, kiss for sister, a wave for the dog and up we go. Lay him down in his cot. Pass him his soft toys and sippy cup of water and that is it.

He is two in December. Has been this way since summer.

LindsayG44 · 30/10/2015 21:03

At bedtime I show my 3-year old an egg-cup with 2 smarties in it, then put it out of her reach in her bedroom. She's told that if I have to go back into her room after we've said good night (ie because she's shouting, mucking about etc) then every time I go in I will eat a smartie. She gets whatever's left first thing in the morning. Worked a treat - bedtimes used to be horrendous, now she rarely loses a smartie!

Eminado · 30/10/2015 21:40

eagleray i feel your pain - my timeline is similar to yours but dont be fooled by the post nursery 2nd wind

EagleRay · 30/10/2015 21:51

This evening was a disaster - when I picked her up from nursery she was floppy tired but perked up once home. Nevertheless, I took her straight upstairs and she had a little snack while we sat on my bed together, in the hope that I could start bedtime soon after.

And the DP arrives home, picks her up and takes her down to the lounge to play football

And of course as soon as he started preparing dinner, she wanted more food. She's asleep now, but didn't drop off til 9pm.

I feel so cross, and so bad for her

PenelopeChipShop · 31/10/2015 08:15

Eagle mine was exactly like that at that age -he's only 3.4 now - but what made all the difference was dropping the daytime nap. I couldn't enforce it as I also work, so if he needed one at nursery then it happened - but once he stopped on his own, bedtime came forward to 7-7.30pm of its own accord - he just can't stay awake any longer.

This will probably happen to you soon too, I think it's rare for kids to keep napping much after 3. It's a double-edged sword as you don't get so much time with them after work, but it transforms your evening!

Just wanted to give you a bit of hope!

UngratefulMoo · 31/10/2015 08:59

Predictable but what finally helped us was a very clear consistent routine and telling DD exactly what was going to happen. Bedtimes have been hideous in our house and it had got to the point when DD was about 20 months or so that they were taking hours and were a disaster. We settled on bath time, milk, teeth, bedroom, 3 stories, lights out, 3 songs, cuddle and then into bed.

The key was telling DD all the time what was happening next and to keep reminding her that it would be bedtime after her songs, and to never give up and let her come back downstairs (which we had done quite a bit in the past). It took around a week to make a difference and we still have the odd bedtime ordeal, but now at 26 months it is SO much easier, and she sometimes now asks to get into bed!

I'm not a very routine-led parent, but this did finally help us. Stickers are good for quiet time!

CuppaSarah · 31/10/2015 09:10

Loads of positive reinforcement starting a while before bed time. By the time bedtime comes round DD was so happy from all the praise, she would do everything first time.

Then she got back in a good routine and we didn't need to be quite so cbeebies style perky all evening.

hiccupgirl · 31/10/2015 09:25

Like Felicia nothing made a big difference to my DS at that age. We tried no TV at all once he was home from nursery, quiet winding down, earlier upstairs with no coming back down etc. Still had massive bedtime tantrums and wouldn't be asleep before 8pm and up at 6am.

He is better at 5 but mainly because he really does only need 9-10 hours sleep now rather than any magic solution. He still is rarely asleep before 8pm.

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