To think 'playdates' are over-rated & stressful?!

[tryhard]

This has been done to death I'm sure but I feel like a total fish out of water in RL so starting to wonder if AIBU? DS1 has just started reception, enjoys it, like the other kids etc. He's August-born so he's knackered at the end of the day, at weekends & this half term. The way I see it, he's getting plenty of stimulation & social interaction at school, home is for rest, peace & quiet time while he adjusts to full time education. I can only imagine that having another equally knackered 5 year old in my house, potentially without their parent, would be nothing short of awful. Yet it feels like everyone we know has a 'little friend' round for tea after school & is spending half term in eachothers' pockets. It seems so unnecessary. I am an introvert & I'm aware that I withdraw to recharge but still...do kids who are not yet 5 really need a busier social life than me? AIBU?

and to drip feed ds1 has ADHD so difficult to manage, ds2 under going autistic assessment with major problems at school and ds3 is a toddler and my husband works away so no I don't do play dates. If ds were invited I would reciprocate but it hasn't happened, always great to be made to feel guilty on mumsnet

Asking to have a friend over to play isn't quite the same as campaigning for a puppy. It's more like asking for a sandwich.

I rarely do play dates. My DC are apparently among the most popular at school according to teachers, so I don't think it's at all essential in forming good friendships.

Just think of it as having a friend round for tea. At that age they are usually gone by 6pm and part of the time is spent eating. It gets easier the older they get, and the more practice you have. My son is now 9 and for the past couple of years it has been really great having his friends round, they just entertain themselves and you drag them away from minecraft or whatever to offer food/drink :) I found it stressful in reception but just had no experience of looking after more than one child. I used to pick up in the car so as not to have to supervise 2 walking! It gets easier year on year ??

I tend to only invite one friend at a time, if he wants more, they come on different days (occassionally now we have more than one but they always play better 1:1). Some friends would limit 'playdates' to one friend per week so as not to tire their kid out, sometimes booking up to a month in advance. Mostly we just arrange same week. Inviting different kids is good, they play different with different kids. One of DS's friends has no interest in technology so it is all imaginitive play (I love it though they need a little more supervision). Others just want to play on the xbox, others a mixture. I do think playing outside school is good for them.

As they get older they tend to play for longer, until 7pm after school or for 3-4 hours on a weekend. The time flies now though, usually as I am trying to get stuff done while they are busy playing! I have avoided sleepovers thus far. No rush for them.

The more you do it the easier it gets, honest.

I wanted to add too that my DS is an only and has no cousins. For him it is really good to play outside school with friends as before that he had few opportunities (he did go to nursery so mixed with other children there). We tend to arrange to pick up both from school (either me or DH are available to do this while the other works). Parents who work shifts or full time tend to plan in advance or make arrangements for the weekend.

As a result of DS making friends, I have too. I have no family really and most of my other friends all have much older children or are child free and work full time. The school mums are very much my support network. If I got stuck in traffic, had a hospital appointment or was unwell, there is a whole bunch of people I could ask to help and I am happy to do the same.

I've found that as they get older it does tend to drop to shorter slots after school because they are often going off to extracurricular activities from around 5.30 so they often only stay till about five, but maybe 3-4 hours at weekends or in the holidays. On the other hand if they go back to each other's houses after school when they going to the same activity one parent can take both children the other parent can bring back so that's a win-win situation. I have found it really helps fostering relationships with the other parents for ad-hoc emergency childcare and friendship too, plus the children form a network of trusted adults around them which is important once they start getting more independent. Adults who they will see around town when they are out on their own and who will look out for them, or who they can talk to in times of need. Finally I think it's just really good for children to spend time with other families, following their rules and eating at their tables, just being comfy there, all good social skills practice. So while it definitely shouldn't be forced, I think it is worth doing for your children if you can and they are up for it even if it is hard at first.

Sleepovers at 4?! ?????? I loved sleepovers but I was about 7ish when I first slept over at a friends' house.

He's does have cousins but they live 2 hours away :(

YANBU OP you know your own child and if he is exhausted then play dates are unlikely to go well. There is plenty of time for this and as others have said the experience is better as they get older. I would also agree with the one child at a time rule and no to sleepovers until 8 or 9.

Also friends that are rude, cheeky, naughty and devoid of manners do not get invited back

Yes indeed, PurplePixie what goes around comes around.