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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ain to think that clubbing is only fun if you're attractive?

62 replies

NotALooker · 27/10/2015 22:31

I'm not attractive, my friend is a stunner.

I enjoy going out to eat, going to bars and the like but have to psych myself up for "big nights out"... Whereas she loves them and always suggests we go out to clubs - to her it's not a good night if we haven't gone out.

Aib to think that clubbing is generally a lot funner if you are good-looking?

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 27/10/2015 22:52

dancing in a room full of strangers to music without any lyrics

I don't think you're the clubbing type OP.

What you need to look for is a disco Grin

Bumbledumb · 27/10/2015 22:54

Morrissey said it best.

'There's a club, if you'd like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you.'
So you go, and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home, and you cry
And you want to die.

Original poster
NotALooker · 27/10/2015 22:56

Thanks lorelei yeah I'm really chatty too and on a good day I feel great (right clothes, slim, good hair etc).

And yeah it's true that admiring glances do help! As narcissistic as that sounds, and while I don't base my self-belief on how I look, it will make me feel slightly better if I feel like I look nice when out...

Just don't get why my friend constantly pulls out all the stops! When she has no makeup on and is wearing pyjamas/uggs, she is still more attractive than me at my best

OP posts:
whois · 27/10/2015 22:57

Clubbing is super fun if you like the music and the people you are partying with.

I don't go to clubs to talk to people or to dance with strangers I go to dance to music I love with friends I love.

I prefer to go in a group, there is nothing worse than being with someone who is constantly approached by men even if they are not "on the pull", it just feels awkward.

+1 to small groups being much more fun for clubbing, easier to have break away toilet and bar trips and no need to go home if one person wants to call it.

Only on MN would everyone claim to go out clubbing but hope that no-one noticed they were attractive in any way or hit on them

How silly. Why on earth would I want men to hit on me? I have a DP. If you are into decent electronic music, you generally go to clubs to see DJs you like. You don't go to clubs to pull or be hit on. Obviously I would rather people didn't look at me and think 'what a skank, what is she wearing' but given suitable on-trend raving attire seems to be 'max comfort' at the moment that is hardly likely to be happening ;-)

Original poster
NotALooker · 27/10/2015 22:57

Haaaa yes Morrisey had it it one didnt he!

OP posts:
crumblybiscuits · 27/10/2015 22:58

HP Three years ago I'd have been thrilled with male attention in a club and was out actively seeking male attention every weekend! Grin I'm just boring and settled down now.

whois · 27/10/2015 22:59

I have a great defense to unwanted male chatters - show them the ear plugs, smile, make an 'i'm enjoying this' gesture to the DJ booth and turn away :-)

coffeeisnectar · 27/10/2015 23:01

I was still clubbing three years ago with one of my friends. Not often but if we both had child free weekends she would come to mine for the weekend and we would go out and have a good night at an 80s club. Best nights were when my neighbours upstairs came with us, a male couple in a ltr who were brilliant fun. Then we'd all go home, me and my mate would get our pjs on and go up to their flat and carry on drinking and having a laugh til dawn.

I'm 46 now and health would not permit a night on the dance floor but I miss it. And I'm no stunner (my mate is gorgeous!) But it was about us having a night off from real life.

crumblybiscuits · 27/10/2015 23:01

Just don't get why my friend constantly pulls out all the stops!

Loads of my friends just like to dress up and make an effort. They enjoy putting effort into their appearance and I do this too because it's something they enjoy but it doesn't float my boat. Women are allowed to dress however they feel and she probably doesn't have your appearance in mind when she does so.

Original poster
NotALooker · 27/10/2015 23:04

Yes I agree crumbly, I know that, thank you Smile

I'm just at a weird period in my life right now, feeling a bit low, I didn't mean to imply she can't wear whatever she wants.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotALooker · 27/10/2015 23:06

Just had a few too many nights out recently where despite company, music and alcohol, I come home feeling like shit and spectacularly unattractive. I should probably woman up but it is galling sometimes!

OP posts:
crumblybiscuits · 27/10/2015 23:08

Sorry, stuck in AIBU replying. I am sure you are beautiful Not and that you flourish in your own comfortable environment the same as your friend does in hers. No one feels good in a place they feel over exposed or uncomfortable. Hope you feel better soon.

notquitehuman · 27/10/2015 23:10

Depends on the club. I went to some shite 70s/80s night with friends and the clientele were err, not what you'd call conventionally attractive. Think this video: (don't watch if you're sensitive to flashing lights. It gave me a headache after about 10 seconds.)

I prefer a good gig. You can wear flats and the people are generally nicer.

mileend2bermondsey · 27/10/2015 23:10

I have never understood the appeal of clubbing. Gyrating round a room with a bunch of sweaty strangers whilst being hit on and harrassed by creeps. Paying over the odds for poor quality drinks, having to scream to be heard, I don't see the point? When I see my friends I want to be able to heard them and have a conversation, not spend hours in silence bopping about to repetative music. The only time I have ever 'enjoyed' clubbing is when I have been absolutely off my tits on drugs/drink.

Original poster
NotALooker · 27/10/2015 23:12

That's okay, thank you that's really kind and you were of course right. It definitely isn't my friend's fault how I feel and I can see how it looked like I was accusing her of not being sisterly or something Grin

Haha keep the AIBU replies coming, I'm appreciating hearing everyone' views Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
NotALooker · 27/10/2015 23:12

Sorry, my last post was to crumbly

OP posts:
Original poster
NotALooker · 27/10/2015 23:15

mileend yes same, sounds awful and Im ready to be flamed but when I've taken drugs while clubbing (only twice), Ive enjoyed it so much. It's blissful... Wish it could always be like that, I'm sure it;s a lot to do with reducing anxiety and me not giving a shit what I looked like as a result!

OP posts:
WhatamessIgotinto · 27/10/2015 23:16

I kind of agree OP. I used to love going clubbing when I was young and gorgeous. Now I'm neither young nor gorgeous its my idea of hell on earth. My friend insisted we go clubbing on her birthday a few weeks ago and I was literally dying inside. Lots of young and beautiful people having a ball (which I admit I enjoyed watching them) and we were half a dozen 45-50 year olds looking a bit tragic really. I just wanted to have a seat and a nice glass of wine! Let the young uns have their thing. Grin

mumofthemonsters808 · 27/10/2015 23:16

I'm no looker but I've always enjoyed clubbing, mostly because of the music and the fact I like dancing. I've never had a supermodel friend accompany me though !!,.

Icedcrunch · 27/10/2015 23:18

I know what you mean, because I'm older now I sometimes feel invisible, whereas when I was younger I was full of confidence knowing I looked good and getting loads of admiration. Shallow I know but i don't think I'd have enjoyed the whole experience as much if I hadn't been good looking.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 27/10/2015 23:24

I loved clubbing when I was young - music, dancing, drinking, chatting - and I was never chatted up or given the eye. it definitely depended on how good the music was though: being in a club with shit music is a deeply crap experience. Now I'm old though, on a night out I'd rather sit down to talk and drink; on nice comfy chairs, with good music in the background, but not so loud we can't hear what we're saying. Oh, and my ideal club night now would start at 7 and close at 11 so I could go home early! My ideal club night wasn't really what you were asking though was it OP?!

I guess.... some people really love it, and for some people it's just not their thing?

Cataria · 27/10/2015 23:28

I agree to some extent. If you are attractive and know it you are likely to be more confident in yourself which will extend to all areas of your life and not just clubbing.

The trick is to believe that you are attractive no matter what you look like. Whether that is with makeup, special outfits, lucky pants or whatnot. You are as attractive as you want to be and as attractive as the impression you give of yourself is.

I know heaps of women who probably, objectively, aren't picture box pretty. But they believe in themselves, they think they look good, they exude confidence and they give an impression of being fabulous - which everyone else buys into. And so whether they know anybody or nobody they always seem to be enjoying themselves.

It could all be a huge act and they could be dying inside every night out, but I don't think so.

Original poster
NotALooker · 27/10/2015 23:29

Haha OnIlkley thanks though, it's really good to listen to everyone's differing opinions Smile

I too love chatting, music and drinking... I think I'm going to start being less self-conscious, you know, it seems like that's what's holding me back.

Reading all of you saying that it's the social experience you go for is really refreshing - those bits are all the things I enjoy Smile I'm gonna give it another go I think

OP posts:
Abidewithme3 · 27/10/2015 23:32

Never got it and never will.

Love dancing with mates at parties and weddings but clubs are just do boring. First clubbed in 1979 so going back a tad. Grin

My grown up kids and teens think it's boring too. We are all rather pub/bar/chatty types and not our scene.

Must be genetics to enjoy deafening yourself to crap music. Smile

Original poster
NotALooker · 27/10/2015 23:33

Incredible advice cantaria, it sounds crazy but I've spent a lot of the past few months just feeling horrible inside and out, I think a lot of it is how to do with I perceive myself. I was never as down on myself before and actually started wondering about extreme plastic surgery Im not rich so not gonna happen Grin but this has got to stop. Your words mean a lot, that's so true. It's how you present yourself and that confidence does extend to all areas of someone's life, thank you v much Flowers

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