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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have my daughters party on her actual birthday?

65 replies

Newtothis2015 · 26/10/2015 16:03

Since dd started school I have noticed all the parents do the child's party on the nearest weekend to their child's birthday. Last year dds birthday was on a Sunday so we had her party on the Sunday with family and school friends. This year her birthday is on a Monday so we will have her party after school on the Monday. We have done this since birth. Is this strange? My daughter said she wants two birthdays like the other children but I think it is really nice to celebrate on the actual day. It is nice isn't it? Or am I missing something?

OP posts:

PuppyMonkey · 26/10/2015 16:26

I think you'll get a lot of people declining, but if you can come up with a proper plan - organise lift shares etc - it might help get round some of the problems. That's if the kids are not doing clubs etc, then they'll probably blow you out.

StompyFreckles · 26/10/2015 16:31

I wouldn't mind this too much, providing it wasn't my working day or we didn't have an activity on after school. I would also have to bring my other two children along (as Dh works during the week and would be late home) and would hope you didn't mind that.

clippityclop · 26/10/2015 16:31

Family tea party /meal out on the actual day and then part for friends at the weekend after is the rule here.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 26/10/2015 16:31

DS loved having two 'birthdays'. We had a weekend softplay party with all his friends and a HUGE cake, and then after school on his actual birthday we had a small cake with candles, just family, and his presents from us.

If she wants it why not? Doesn't have to cost any extra.

toastednutella · 26/10/2015 16:36

I prefer to celebrate my birthday on the actual day, and we try to celebrate the kids on their day. However, for parties with friends, it's weekends only.

It's such a rush during the week, kids finishing schools and activities at various times, plus homework, it would be a shame to only pop in for 30 or 40 minutes.

Original poster

Newtothis2015 · 26/10/2015 16:39

Only one of dds friends goes to the after school club the rest have a stay at home parent or two parents who work part time or day/night shifts between them but I could easily take dds friend straight from school if her parents are happy with that. I can see from the responses though that if alot of the children are in childcare then a weekday party wouldn't work and would be a pain for the parents. I can see tiredness might be an issue though as they are only small. It's good to hear some feedback on this as I wasn't sure why everyone had parties not on birthdays since dd started school. I have fond memories of birthday teas with my little friends on my birthdays growing up. Dd just wants two birthdays so she wouldn't mind what day it was on as long as she got to celebrate twice! For me cost was an issue, I noticed her friends had a family meal and then a school party, I could not afford a family meal out and pay for all the relatives as well as a school friends party (15 children) but I like the family birthday tea at home with a cake mentioned above. I think I will go for a Saturday party then and a Monday family birthday tea at home, that will please dd, two days of celebrations! Things have changed so much from when I was young!

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 26/10/2015 16:41

I'd imagine a lot of children wouldn't be able to go after school due to parents working. And it does make a long day, with school the next day unless it's a Friday. YABU.

Bimblywibble · 26/10/2015 16:42

I thought a weekday party would be awful but actually the soft play place was deserted on a Monday after school and the children had a blast.

I think you will get a lower acceptance rate. Some will be unable to come because of after school activities. If the local brownie pack meets on a Monday and half your daughter's friends go then you may be shooting yourself in the foot by insisting on a Monday. And be sensitive to working parents, maybe taking or offering to arrange lifts for their DC. I don't think parents are mad on weekday parties, they are a bit of a pain and some will be letting their children miss classes they've paid for to come.

steff13 · 26/10/2015 16:44

We always have family over for dinner and cake on the actual birthday (usually just my brother and SIL and nieces and nephew), then a party for friends on the weekend.

For me a weekday party would be a giant pain in the tushie.

balletgirlmum · 26/10/2015 16:45

Dd wouldn't have been able to go to an afternoon school parties due to dance classes/me working.

Ds was invited to a couple but only in year 5& 6. In both cases the host parent offered to pick up children from school & take them directly to the party. They were also Friday evenings so less rush with regards to homework/getting stuff ready for the next day etc.

Ilikesweetpeas · 26/10/2015 16:47

I did this for my DD when she was in reception, it was no problem. I knew a couple of mums worked and offered to do the pick up for them then they collected from my house at 6. I found that in reception most children didn't do much after school. Her birthday is December so people appreciated the weekends not being tied up with a party!

Namechangenell · 26/10/2015 16:50

To be honest, I think it depends on where you are and the dynamics of the parents in the class. We held a party for DD recently, and then one for DS a couple of weeks later. DD's was at a weekend as that's when her birthday fell, DS's was a weekday as that's when his birthday fell. We actually had more people unable to attend the weekend event. Personally, I like after school parties - school/quick change in the car/party 4-6 and then home, into pajamas and bed (and you don't need to do dinner and clean up at home). Weekends tend to be booked up for us with other family events and so on. We do live in an area where there are a lot of SAHMs though. I am also a SAHM and it would be very different if I worked/more of my children's friends' mums did (and it is the mums who stay at home here and the dads who work, sadly).

defineme · 26/10/2015 16:56

I did lots of after school parties when mine were in primary- they just walkedBack to our house with me and had the usual tea and games. Parents just had to remember to put gift in their school bag and pick up from us.

AcrossthePond55 · 26/10/2015 16:56

I probably wouldn't have taken my child to a party on a school night that ended at 6 pm. As a working mum, it would have been a pain in the arse and would have made the evening very rushed once we got home. For some working parents it would probably mean taking time off work to take the child to the party. For a SAHM I think it would be easier to manage.

Have the party when the birthday girl actually wants her party. On her birthday just fix her favorite supper and have her favourite pudding or leftover cake en famille.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 26/10/2015 16:59

Weeknight parties are a bit of a pain tbh. My older dcs have clubs etc on even if the little one doesn't and I'd have to drag everyone along.

pearpotter · 26/10/2015 17:00

Do whatever is easier for you, OP. I personally think a few not being able to attend is a plus point if you are inviting the whole class! I work, and have always managed when DDs are invited to after school parties. Usually the party invitee's parent takes one or two children with them straight after school, or another parent will do so. As someone else said, in reception kids will be less likely to have after school clubs anyway.

manandbeast · 26/10/2015 17:05

I'd be delighted for my son to go to a party on a Monday! Would need to fix with childcarer though

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 26/10/2015 17:05

Weekday parties are great. I've done them and parents have loved it - I've collected all the kids from school and taken them all en masse to the local pizza express or soft play - I always get my mum and best friend to help me. Other parents love it as it means for some they don't have to do school run :) teachers hate it though coz the kids are all over excited all afternoon haha

laffymeal · 26/10/2015 19:19

The only party I had every single person attend was on a Wednesday night at a bowling alley. All the parents commented how fab it was to have something fun on a week day and not have their weekend disrupted. I don't know what world some mnetters live in where any break from rigid routine is met with abject horror.

SeveredHeadsDragOnTheFloor · 26/10/2015 20:49

I don't know what world some mnetters live in where any break from rigid routine is met with abject horror.

It's not to do with a break from rigid routine. No one said that.

I would struggle to get a child to a weekday party as I would have to drop them there, get back to feed siblings, pick the party child up, fit it in around other commitments including contact the time with their father...

It must be lovely to live in a simple world where you can just drop everything to take one child to a party.

BYOSnowman · 26/10/2015 20:52

Logistically it is impossible for me to pick up ds if I need to pick dd up from somewhere at 6. So that means dd can't go to the party and I have to deal with an upset little girl as she sees all her friends going off to have fun together!

We had it last year where the parent took a big group of the girls whose parents couldn't take them and the school let them get changed into their party dresses before home time. The girls who couldn't go were upset.

summerainbow · 26/10/2015 21:01

For week day party you have to be prepare to take all them home from school . So walking . Get them all changed . Drink and snacks given . The walked them all to soft play . With all there bags . Then they have to have a proper food as they will hungry then pick up at 6is.

If you can't do any of that a Saturday Sunday if far easier.

Pilgit · 26/10/2015 21:03

Our DDs wouldn't be able to go unless the parent organising got them to wherever they need to be. We both work so logistical issues! However I can see how they may work as well - just give lots of notice!

Bimblywibble · 26/10/2015 21:04

Taffymeal I don't think anyone's reating with abject horror.

But it really wouldn't take much imagination to allow for the possibility that some people can't easily juggle work round random parties on top of all the juggling already needed for school things, hospital appts, etc, for multiple children.

pourmeanotherglass · 26/10/2015 21:06

I often did weekday parties, but usually at home, and as we live 2 mins walk from primary school, they just all walked home with me. Had after school snack, then did some crafts and games and had tea. Pick up at 5:30, though we may have had working parents pick up a bit later.
Now DDS are both at secondary, and DD1 has had a couple of after school birthday celebrations (not sure if they still call them parties). Last time she had 7 friends walk home from school with her.

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