To give up on DD ---

[Thespiderinthebath]

learning to talk?

5 year old DD has severe verbal dyspraxia and a severe speech and language disorder (understanding of speech and verbal speech is of a three year old).

Daily, I am faced with tantrums, stares from the public, her hitting herself if things don't go her own way and countless of doing therapy at home.

I am frustrated for her. She is a world where no one can understand her and as a result, she has explosive tantrums.

I work daily with her to help her communicate, so she doesn't have to have the need to hit herself. But It's draining and tiring and every day I feel like her behaviour is getting worse.

Sometimes, I feel as if I should accept DD for who she is, and just enjoy my time with her and not to constantly worry about her future. But the other part of is telling me not to give up on DD and still work on her communication skills.

Do you think AIBU?

Unmumsnetty hugs

Can she sign at all?

Can you teach her sign language? My dd had/has a hearing impairment due to illness and this has helped us even though her speech delay wasn't permanent. Good luck.

OP, have other means of communication, e.g. PECS or Makaton been explored? Using these does not mean your DD will "settle" on them and will never learn to talk - talking is still the most efficient way to communicate and many children who start PECS or Makaton switch to speaking at a later age. But using alternative communication methods could take a lot of pressure off your DD (and consequently off you). Best luck to you and your DD.

DD has her own inventions of signing and knows some basic sign language. But I think I need to teach her more signs.

I jut feel constantly judged. I've never been a person who worries what other people think of me. But when DD acts like this, I'm constantly looking over my shoulder. People laugh at us, take pictures, look at DD like she's some circus freak.

This can't go on.

Those people are arseholes, their opinions really don't matter. I suppose I'd want to know what a salt thought, but encouraging signing does sound like a good idea.

its never too late, but its better to keep working with her as early as possible in her life.
what outside support are you getting?

Dd has started saying a few words aged 9. I wouldn't give up. But I would agree with people suggesting introducing an alternative means of communication as well so that she can make her wishes known and will be less frustrated.

Sympathies here DD has spent a large part of today hitting herself on the face and punching the walls.

yes people really judge you my son is speech delayed and mixes his words up he tantrums massively if i give him something he has asked for but it's NOT what he wants honestly i wanted to shout at the world im NOT A FUCKING MIND READER! I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS! he is almost three which is a tough time anyway without speech delay he spits bites punches and screams like im slaughtering him he can also beg clearly screaming please please drink! but he really doesn't want a drink and will smash me in the face with it if i give it to him i hate going out sometimes really cant face the stares

They smile like " Oh my gosh look at that child...".

DD and I are very lucky. She now goes to a specialist speech and language school, where they fully support her. But I can't help feeling like I can't do more for her.

Fanjo.. Does your child have verbal dyspraxia?? or speech disorder?

I think the suggestions of PECS and Makaton upthread are good. A simplified PECS system is something you could introduce at home, maybe having a little stack of pictures, one picture of her cup for asking for a drink, a picture of the toilet for needing the toilet, picture of a plate for food, picture of her favourite toy so she can ask for that etc. Start with one at once and every time you (for instance) offer her a drink then show her the picture and get her to pass it to you in exchange for the drink. Eventually (it will take time and patience) she will be able to get the picture and bring it to you independently so she can ask for a drink.

Things like visual timetables can work well, with getting up, dressed,breakfast etc (all daily routine) then a gap where she can choose something to do. So have pics of colouring pencils, playdoh, baking etc.(things you don't mind doing) so she can choose one and use the pic to ask. (may take time and practise).

Trying to give her some control back should help with the tantrums. Do you have a speech therapist? Some electronic form of AAC (alternative and augmentative communication) such as an electronic 'talker' may be appropriate and helpful.

You sound like you're doing a fantastic job. Keep supporting your dd and keep going. People who make negative comments and judge have no idea what is going on in your life, just be proud you are doing all you can to help your dd.

Well she has autism and also verbal dyspraxia. Her words came along at the same time as she started mastering PECS, strangely.

Sorry, cross posted with my ridiculously long post and seen your update about the specialist slt school. Just to reiterate then that you sound like you're doing fantastically

The people doing that are fuckwits. Parenting any child is hard. I always make a point of asking the mummy of a trantrummer if she's OK and say I am sorry if people are arsy but they only have to deal with it for five minutes.

I think you should accept her for who and what she is. It isn't giving up it's providing unconditional love a and with that she has the foundation to fulfil her potential.

Dt1, we were told she wouldn't walk or talk. There are some on here who may wish she couldn't type! Her speech when tired can seem a little odd and stilted and she often gets loud in an effort to force the words out. She has a form of Cerebral Palsy as well as ASC. She's doing her A levels, has a steady relationship and most would not know she has speech difficulties unless experienced. I understand how draining it is, it's worth it, but not at the expense of your health and sanity, if you go under she loses masses of support. Take it easy on yourself.

I agree with Minime8, just wanted to add that photos of the objects might work better than symbols in the 1st instance. Don't try to rush things, she has the rest of her life to develop speech (DS2 is 22 and now says 3 words in context). Good luck and keep up the good work!

Here is a saying that has gotten me through a lot of uncomfortable situations:

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind."

Don't even give another thought to the morons who are judging you or being cruel. They aren't worthy of your time.

Sounds as if you need more support than you're getting. Ask to be referred to your local neuro disability consultant and get your speech therapist to work out a program for her. The early years support team can also come in and work with her school or nursery and support you that way and you may even get respite care which you might well desperately need if nly for half a day or so. I wish you luck x

minime8 Thanks for the suggestions! Her school were actually thinking of using an AAC devise. But she's just started there, so I'll see what they've got to say.

Dawn I'm so glad to hear that! When did she start speaking properly?

My DD used to do that before she learned to talk. We learnt makaton and that helped a lot (she also had her own made up signs too). She eventually got there at about 5 years old, but I do understand your pain.

Lots of good advice above. I just wanted to add that in my experience the years 2-5 for children with special needs can be particularly tough as they have all the usual toddler issues plus their own frustrations. I taught Y1-2 in a special school and I found children often calmed down a lot in this time period. I think being in a tailored provision helped but I also think life starts to make a bit more sense in that less is changing for them.
I hope you start to see this with your DD.

PP have just reminded me -we also had photo books and pictures we used for communication. It's all coming back to me now. It's amazing how quickly you forget. She is 13 now and talks generally well but still gets things the wrong way round like tomorrow / yesterday or above / below.

People laugh at us, take pictures, look at DD like she's some circus freak

This is appalling - particularly the taking of pictures. How dare they? I certainly would object if people took photos of my children. Isn't it illegal?

notmary Did your DD have a diagnosis? miaowroar I know, but I was too exhausted with DD to react to them.