To give up on DD ---

[Thespiderinthebath]

learning to talk?

5 year old DD has severe verbal dyspraxia and a severe speech and language disorder (understanding of speech and verbal speech is of a three year old).

Daily, I am faced with tantrums, stares from the public, her hitting herself if things don't go her own way and countless of doing therapy at home.

I am frustrated for her. She is a world where no one can understand her and as a result, she has explosive tantrums.

I work daily with her to help her communicate, so she doesn't have to have the need to hit herself. But It's draining and tiring and every day I feel like her behaviour is getting worse.

Sometimes, I feel as if I should accept DD for who she is, and just enjoy my time with her and not to constantly worry about her future. But the other part of is telling me not to give up on DD and still work on her communication skills.

Do you think AIBU?

Sadly I know what you are talking about. DS has 2.5 and has a speech delay. We don't live in the UK but when visiting some of the comments were just cruel.

We use visuals for DS to help him communicate. He has cards around his neck so they are always available for him. I also make a very special effort to just talk normally to him. It's exhausting and what's really kept me going is him progressing.

I would also look at online programs. We were going to sign him up then he had a breakthrough week plus changed occupational therapists and saw a huge jump in his ability to communicate.

No, we've never had a diagnosis. She has a brain disorder, global development delay, dyspraxia, learning difficulties, is partially sighted, and we believe has hormone problems (she started her periods at 8 but still wets the bed every night) and hypermobility and underactive thyroid. She is not autistic but has some tendencies towards that - repetitive behaviours and a strong reliance on routine. She's in mainstream school though, and very happy.

I think the important thing is to get her a method of communication. Even if that isn't words.

She may well end up "talking like anything" but the important thing is to get her communicating her needs somehow. If the words come they come.

My dd is also 5 and has severe speech delay. She's making progress and is learning new words but we're far from having a conversation.

What has really helped us is singing. We sing ALL the time. We've made up songs about every possible situation imaginable and she seems to grasp words from doing this. So although she's not speaking in proper sentences, she will pick one word and we can grasp from that word, what she's trying to tell us. Flashcards have really helped us too, we have the Orchard Toys flashcards. We started with a couple, now she knows them all.

Her confidence and self esteem have begun to increase and although she still throws huge tantrums, they're more manageable and not so frequent. We've noticed a huge difference in her in the last 3 months or so and school has helped. I really hope this will help you and your daughter. X

And definitely learn some signs. This has helped too!

Op, you could have been describing me at an earlier age. I talked my own (v limited) language till 3 1/2. The dog and my older sister were the only ones who interpreted me. It was immensely frustrating, especially that my DM whom I loved to bits didn't. I had tantrum after tantrum to the extent I was taken round psychs and medicated heavily.

I suspect that a huge amount of the "poor" behaviour is simply frustration. If you can find a break through in the speech alongside lots and lots of cuddles, it may well help. I hope that offers you hope.

I think if you can find an alternative method like signing until the breakthrough in speech hopefully happens that is key

By speech I meant communication, of course..

I also think the outbursts she is having could well be delayed toddler type tantrums if she has developmental delay. My DD is having them now at 9.so hopefully it could be a phase which passes too.

Yes, Fanjo, I'm sorry, that was a totally insensitive projection of my own experience.

And yes, Mindymum - I had totally forgotten - our family language was mostly nursery rhymes for years and bloody years.

(and all the things others have said about photo books and daily visual timetables, and very simple one step instructions, and only using a word rather than a sentence to communicate, or a sentence rather than a paragraph etc etc)

ommmmward Your post has touched me. I'm actually crying. . I've actually screen shot your post, and the majority of others who have posted on my thread, to remind myself to keep gong.

I purposely shut my self away from people, who actually genuinely want to see how I'm doing, or they think I'm an interesting person and would like to be friends with me. But, for some reason, I've got it in my head that I don't "trust people".

I feel like have to interact, play with her, focus on her speech sounds and understanding, day in and out. I constantly feel guilty if I don't do this. Like today, my friend invited me to have dinner at her place. But I declined as I didn't do DD's therapy activities all day yesterday.

Totally agree with fanjo. It is so frustrating for them that they can't communicate their needs or feelings. Our therapist noticed DS is very adverse to trying out sounds. She set up the cards on a necklace and my goodness it's really reduced the stress for everyone. As he isn't as stressed he is more receptive to his surroundings. His improvement has been spectacular IMO and I credit that to his therapists finding ways for him to communicate that he is comfortable with.

Ommward you were speaking from the heart with lovely intentions, which is never wrong

Plus that is a bloody lovely and inspiring story

Want2b that is a great idea.

I'll definitely work on her communication and especially her understanding of speech. Thanks so much for your words and support!

Oh also re the people judging..eventually you will develop a thick skin and it will wash over you.

I am shy but these days my DD goes up to people and attempts to wrestle things from them (bats, balls, spades)..it's a bit embarrassing and i apologise a lot but doesn't faze me.

Hide of a rhino.

People on here told me the same thing when DD was 5 and under and they were right.

I think you must cut yourself some slack with the therapy. It's important, yes, but so is hanging out together and doing stuff purely for pleasure. You sound like you are pushing yourself so hard.

Re: signs, I used to watch Mr tumble with DS and try to pick up a couple of signs each programme. It was an easy way to do it and DS really seemed to enjoy it. He is 5 and loves bobbing about with Mr t's spotty bag which has a pack of cards and signs in.

DS is quite a head-turner when he's out and angry. I just focus on him and keeping him, me and those around us as safe as I can. I don't make eye-contact with anyone or even look up most of the time so I can actively ignore any bad responses.

My DS has language now and uses it to good effect-last week he was screaming 'fuckers' at us as his older brother tried to tickle him!

It is so hard and you sound exhausted. Give yourself a break from the therapy, get some more signing in and keep telling yourself what a fab job you are doing. Because you are.

Another one tearing up at ommmmward lovely post.
My dd is 3 and has a severe speech delay (she has no speech at all in fact!). We have just started using PECS and although it's very early days it seems to be working really well for us. I would definitely recommend!

Oh and when people are being rude I look at them with my death stare and calmly say 'Yes my child is disabled. What is your excuse?'

(sorry I took my long post away. It was a bit too identifying, but I'm delighted the OP managed to screen grab it

Sorry, I've been ever so busy, TheSpider, she was understood with patience at around five, fairly clearly by seven and could hold her own by eight. She does still get slurry when she's tired and she has narcolepsy, so she's tired a lot, but it's okay and she can make herself understood. Most of the time, as I say, somebody wouldn't know that there was a speech difference unless very experienced. SALT finally stopped coming last year, at the age of 18.