to wonder if it's unusual that parents who live close by don't want to visit or help with children?

[williaminajetfighter]

My parents live an hour away in London and are circa 70 but very active. We have a good relationship, no fallings out at all, but they are just not very interested in my children, aged 2 and 10. In the time that I've lived this close (4 years) they've come to visit twice and only for an afternoon, otherwise I try to travel down to see them with the children, but it's intermittently and visits only last a few hours. In all this time they've never offered to help look after the children at all; I've never asked because I just don't think it's on their radar. I have invited them to come see me and they usually decline.

My mother has spells of ill health so I totally understand that they may not be willing or comfortable traveling to see me.

It makes me feel a bit jealous when I see the help that other people get from their families but I don't think I'm going to change things now, am I? Has anyone else experienced this or are resigned to this sort of infrequent interest? I've not raised the issue with my family as I don't think I can force them to become more interested.

There are some sad stories here. Sometime though it's the expectations of the parent of the gp that's out of kilter. My oh daughter has three children. When she had dd2 she assumed I would look after her on my day off to save her child care. At the time I worked Tuesday to Saturday so she expected me to collect the baby from her house as she didn't drive, look after her do my normal Monday cleaning supermarket and cooking then take baby back when she finished work. She was gobsmacked when I said no way. Her then partner said well if you won't do that then the least you can do I pay for nursery! His mum was retired so was doing one day they wanted me to do one then the third in nursery. She asked again after her third was born.
Over time we have had the kids to stay but when they don't arrive to pick them up and don't answer the phone, think two and a half hours late. Say it's only a couple of hours and don't come back for five then you get fed up. They'd come to the house plonk down be waited on hand and foot and leave us to entertain the children while they say glued to their phones and then leave a trail of mess when they left. We eventually gave up. It was all one way. Not the children's fault but we work full time and have our own lives to lead without being taken advantage of. We never once had an invite for lunch and come to think of it I can only ever remember being offered coffee once.

Sometimes you can't make your family situation be what you want it to. I've accepted this and yes it has been hard, but it's often better to let it go and make the best of what you do have. The regret at the end will be on their side, not yours.

This is so so true. And applies to so many other family issues.

I am already resigned to this happening with my mum tbh. I'm due to have our first child in a few weeks, and haven't had anything more than two text conversations with my mum since I told her I was pregnant. She has bent over backwards for my two older sisters and their children, but clearly has zero interest in me or my little one once he arrives. My husband's family however couldn't be more excited. I will not waste energy being upset, as he is going to grow up knowing who loves him!