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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell ds1 he can't go to choir?

73 replies

SummerNights1986 · 23/10/2015 19:01

Ds1 is nearly 8 and came out of school this week clutching a consent form for the school choir, which meets twice a week after school. They take dc from Year 3 so this is a new opportunity for him.

He's really excited, really, really wants to sign up.

BUT he is tone deaf. Completely. He is good at plenty of other things and has no lack of activities he does already...but there's no nice way to say it, I have never heard any child with such a truly awful singing voice. He even loses the tune singing simple nursery rhymes, and always has since a toddler.

It's kind of never been brought up. I'm not in the habit of telling the dc they're fabulous at everything (you know the type). But I mean, when your 3/4/5 year old sings the songs they're learning at school for you, you automatically go 'Oh that was lovely, well done for remembering it all' or similar. Which is just what I've done with ds, whilst gritting my teeth. So he doesn't know or realise he can't sing as far as I can tell. He's mentioned asking the teacher if he can sing a song he's learnt recently to see if the other kids know it (old school, unusual song). He seems quite keen to do a solo

I'm genuinely worried he'll be made fun of and laughed at, and I don't want him to go and be brought crashing down by the other kids

Do I:
A. Make up an excuse as to why he can't go (such as I have to do X on those nights, maybe next year, and hope he loses interest)
B. Tell him he can't sing and can't go (gently)
C. Let him go and hope for the best.

OP posts:

StellaAlpina · 23/10/2015 19:41

I'd go for C) You might find he can carry a tune if he's singing with others.

I struggle to carry a tune if I'm singing by myself but sang in the school choir and could follow the tune if singing in a group/to music.

Also, you'll probably find he improves the more he sings - learning when/how to breathe etc. (Personally I can hear the tune in my head, I just don't always have enough breathe to sing it back/not go a funny pitch)

appleusedtobepear · 23/10/2015 19:43

And should have added, in the school choir he'll be with everyone around him singing at the same pitch, which should help develop his ear.

JumpingJack56 · 23/10/2015 19:49

C my dd is 7 and has a singing voice that could cut glass but she joined her school choir at the beginning of this year and they went on to win a competition for their region and age group four months later (there was only 8-10 ppl in the group-smallest group there). She even had a small solo. Her confidence has grown immensely, she's made new friends and her singing has also improved somewhat. She signed up again for the choir this year and they are planning to enter another competition soon which will see them perform in a decent sized arena that hosts concerts. Don't dash his hopes because of your fears of ridicule for him. Let him join and enjoy it, you never know it may help him grow in that area too

TendonQueen · 23/10/2015 19:51

Yes, let him go. Teachers can do wonderful things you'd never dream of to improve people's abilities, and singing just makes you feel so good, it's a shame if he really wants to go not to let him try it.

Think of an analogy with sport. Some kids are naturally talented at sport, others work hard to become good, others just can't do it very well at all. But generally people would encourage their kids to do it if the kids themselves want to, because sport (or let's say physical exercise) has so many other benefits for body and mind. This could also do him lots of good.

Senpai · 23/10/2015 19:57

I don't think singing is necessarily something you can 'learn' unless you have a decent voice to begin with iyswim?

Singing, like any other skill, needs to be learned and practiced. If he's singing regularly with other people multiple times a week, he will likely improve. Granted, he'll never been a professional singer, but who here is?

He'll likely go off to a boring desk or retail job as an adult like the rest of us. Let him enjoy trying new things while he can.

NewLife4Me · 23/10/2015 19:59

i would let him go too, if the teacher decides to let him go he/she will do it gently. Please don't tell him he can't sing.
He may never be a good singer but performing is about having fun and enjoying it as well as ability.
I'm sure he'll improve with practice and singing with a piano plus the other children.

SawdustInMyHair · 23/10/2015 20:05

I say let him go! But I'd be a little wary of the chior teacher in case they're an awful person who'll say something terrible. Maybe talk to his teacher to check what sort of choir it is (ie - does it really matter if the kids are any good)

Grapeeatingweirdo · 23/10/2015 20:17

If he really wants to and is excited about it, you should let him. No one really expects eight year olds to sing like Christina Aguilera anyway. If it makes him happy, what's the harm?

Fluffy24 · 23/10/2015 20:22

C - Let him go!

celtictoast · 23/10/2015 20:26

C, definitely!

PHANTOMnamechanger · 23/10/2015 20:26

Let him goooooo
Let him goooooo
You can't hold him back anymoooore!

yeOldeTrout · 23/10/2015 20:45

Choirs are not fun if you can't sing; everyone else goes out of their way to ridicule how bad you are and get their friends to join in laughing at you. They get very creative in their ways of pointing out how bad you are.

Some gentle truths are in order.

SisterMoonshine · 23/10/2015 20:47

The teacher would do auditions if they only wanted the best singers. Let him go.

PurpleAlerts · 23/10/2015 21:04

I had a girl in my school choir once who was the same. Really had no awareness of pitch! But as time went on( and sitting her next to good singers) she learned how to pitch in and end up being able to sing in tune!

I remember once someone telling me that some one with true tone deafness was an individual who was not able to distinguish the tones of a Beethoven
Symphony from a pneumatic drill! Very few people are truly tone deaf!

With the right experiences, many children can learn to pitch in. And if the school doesn't audition then let him join and have fun- there are a huge number of benefits to singing look here

KurriKurri · 23/10/2015 22:11

My DD is an accompanist for a school choir - quite a lot of the kids can't sing very well, really it's all about turning up, taking part, learning to make a commitment to something.
Singing is a lovely joyful thing to do even if you aren't very good at it - and he's bound to get better even if he's never going to be brilliant. The kids in my DD's choir have a great time - let him go if he's keen.

multivac · 23/10/2015 23:17

yeoldtrout
You must have been in some awful choirs -that's terribly sad.
Happily, most people's experience of singing in a school choir, at the age of eight (FFS) is pretty different.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/10/2015 00:07

Aww let him go. He's excited about it. Yes by your own admission .He can't sing but do what. It's s school choir s bit of fun. It's not the freeekin X-Factor.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/10/2015 00:07

So what. Not do what

BumpTheElephant · 24/10/2015 00:18

It's just the school choir, let him do it if he wants to, that's the purpose of school choirs surely? Just because he can't sing doesn't mean he won't get a lot of enjoyment out of it and he may improve!

AGBforever · 24/10/2015 00:19

Honestly if you heard me now I would be in the 'deluded' category at X-factor audtions.

But 25 yrs ago our (small) school choir won the regional auditions for Choir of the Year (and our super competitive choir master didn't blame me for not winning the whole thing either).

EugenesAxe · 24/10/2015 00:24

I enjoyed your post apple :)

Yes I'd say go too. Maybe get him learning a clear instrument like recorder or piano (if convenient) that could give him exposure to pitch.

ShebaShimmyShake · 24/10/2015 01:05

I had a horrendous singing voice at eight. Everyone said so. Out of tune, reedy in the upper register and raspy in the lower, cracked, just a drain. Didn't care, I enjoyed singing so I joined the choir and sang to myself every day. It made me happy. And I did it so much and for so long that I got better.

Now I have a beautiful singing voice. Everyone says so. It's been known to soothe babies who wouldn't stop crying and silence busy auditoriums. One friend got me to record myself singing so she can play it to her baby when he's restless. Several people have told me that when my child is born, I'll have no trouble soothing him just by singing. (They said it, not me. I know it's unlikely to be that easy. The point is, more than one person thinks my singing is so lovely it could do that.)

Let him go to choir.

shadowfax07 · 24/10/2015 02:07

Another vote for C here. One of the best choral singing teachers I ever had couldn't sing a note, (he sounded like he was sawing wood when he sang) but goodness, he got the best out of our section.

This was county youth choir, BTW, so he's been picked for the role.

AdjustableWench · 24/10/2015 02:20

Another vote for C. The number of people who absolutely can't learn to pitch is vanishingly small. I was worried that my own daughter might be one of them until she joined her school choir - she sings very nicely now.

IWasHereBeforeTheHack · 24/10/2015 09:39

I have a friend who is a singing teacher. She has always said what multivac said: you can train anyone to sing.

Castro she obviously wasn't one of the 3 you tried!

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