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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to ask what's the worst/silliest advice you've seen on here?

708 replies

Francoitalialan · 23/10/2015 12:36

MN is such a tremendous source of info but sometimes it goes wonky. What's the worst/silliest advice you've seen?

OP posts:
Tiggeryoubastard · 27/10/2015 11:14

'I'm late for work a lot and I've been pulled up on it'.
'Your boss is wrong, I'd leave and get a job where you're appreciated'.

elementofsurprise · 27/10/2015 12:29

Enthusiasm The Samaritans is safe when dealing with people who are at their most vulnerable it is a huge responsibility for MN to take on

What does this even mean? Should there be some punctuation there I'm missing?

How are the Samaritans "safe"? They nearly tipped me over and I've been too frightened to call since. Frankly, calling a charitable phoneline where the person can't actually talk to you, just 'actively listen' is deeply depressing and isolating for some people at least - MN has helped me far more.

And it isn't a responsibilty for Mumsnet. For a start, they always post with the Samaritans number and urge the poster to get real-life support (I appreciate that they tailor the post slightly too). They are not 'taking on' responsibilty from anyone! MN isn't a replacement for real-life support - it's there when there is nothing else. It's like if you came across someone about to kill themselves in real life, when no-one else was around - would you stand by, saying "Oh, it's too much responsibility to take on" or would you realise that it's that or nothing?

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 27/10/2015 12:55

you are right post was badly written. what I meant is that as mn is public forum mn has no control over who reads and posts

anyone can come on to a thread post something extremely damaging and hurtful I have seen it myself

with the Samaritans it is the caller and the samaritan/listener who is trained. I am not suggesting it is helpful for everyone but it is safe as in it is between two people

mn have to look at the safety issue this is a public forum I think they do a great job dealing with trolls but they would either have to constantly monitor a thread or threads. I do not think threads should be deleted but it is concerning that people are so desperate this is all they have but it is not as safe as it really should be because it is open to abuse

I often deal with people who are suicidal (not all). I have to assess the danger and that is by listening and taking action when necessary (that will be the decision of my manager). I am not sure MN could do anything more than advise contacting the Samaratians

elementofsurprise · 27/10/2015 15:12

Thanks for clarifying Smile. That makes sense.

Wombatinabathhat · 27/10/2015 18:05

OP: My [dh,dm or whoever] drove a car whilst drunk a week last fri
Reply: Report to police immediately

Why? What do they think the police can do after the event? Confused

Sansoora · 28/10/2015 02:56

*OP: My [dh,dm or whoever] drove a car whilst drunk a week last fri
Reply: Report to police immediately

Why? What do they think the police can do after the event?*

Its obvious which thread you are referring to and your post is a cheap shot at the advice given to someone during a very sad and difficult.

As for what do they think the police can do after the event?

Perhaps the posters on the thread thought the police could go and talk to the person concerned. It may have been grasping at straws but people were trying to help. They weren't here on this thread being a cow.

Senpai · 28/10/2015 03:08

My 6 year old is being assessed for what might be some special needs. His behaviour isn't great and he's confused why he finds friendships hard and now he's been left out of a whole class party. Is the mum unreasonable?

That's a tough one to call though. It sucks to be excluded. It equally sucks getting kicked/bit/otherwise having your space invaded in an aggravating way. Kids do need to learn to behave, but it shouldn't be at the expense of other children, even though they need to be around other children to learn. It's a lose-lose all around for everyone.

Redglitter · 28/10/2015 03:38

Wombat is right though. Reporting it after the event is pointless. There's no way the police are going to go out and talk to someone under those circumstances nor when there's about 20 ongoing incidents needing dealt with

Sansoora · 28/10/2015 04:45

Wombat is right though. Reporting it after the event is pointless. There's no way the police are going to go out and talk to someone under those circumstances nor when there's about 20 ongoing incidents needing dealt with

Yes, people are aware of that now and were aware long before you read my post and nipped over to the thread to repeat something that had been said days ago.

Original poster
Francoitalialan · 28/10/2015 08:13

No Senpai. It doesn't equally suck to be decriminalise against as a result of a life-long disability vs someone being a bit aggravating.

The way to deal with it is to respectfully acknowledge the situation with the child's parents and invite the child but as the parent to stay with them.

It is never acceptable to leave out a single child on the basis of their disability. FFS.

OP posts:
Original poster
Francoitalialan · 28/10/2015 08:23

*discriminated (not decriminalised)

OP posts:
Wombatinabathhat · 28/10/2015 17:08

sansoora I don't want to derail this thread but it was not a cheap shot and I am not being a cow [shocked]
I didn't make reference to any thread as I've seen it more than once. If the cap fits..

Wombatinabathhat · 28/10/2015 17:08

Shock Blush

PlayingSolitaire · 28/10/2015 19:33

OP- I am worried about my child /only being able to read red band books in year 4/ not being toilet trained by age 5/ not being able to walk and they are 2 etc. (Ie well out of the normal range, not a stealth post, parent is really worried and looking for advice)

Posters who answer with "my dc was reading gold book bands in year 4/ was potty trained age 3, learnt to walk at 14 months etc.... Anything involving them boasting how their child could do things before the OP child can- how is that helpful? Or even nice.

Or posters who answer threads where the child is well behind averge only with "don't worry, all children develop at different speeds, they'll get there in their own time"- which is fine if the child is in the normal range, but when they are well outside it, they are looking for and needing advice of where to turn for help!

cleaty · 28/10/2015 21:15

I am pregnant, and we only have a 2 bedroom house. I have just found out my baby will be a boy and we already have a 2 year old girl. We will have the baby in with us at first, but will it be okay for them to share after that?

Op it is fine until the oldest is 8 years old, and then it is illegal for them to share.

What rubbish, but have seen similar advice a number of times.

Redglitter · 29/10/2015 02:54

Looks like that's you and I both told Wombat Confused

Wombatinabathhat · 29/10/2015 20:22
Grin
Shetland · 01/11/2015 20:09

The police can't do anything about that particular drink drive episode after the event, but they can look out for the car in future and stop/breathalyse them if appropriate.
If someone is in the habit of drink driving then reporting them is not bad advice.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/11/2015 07:55

"'I'm late for work a lot and I've been pulled up on it'.
'Your boss is wrong, I'd leave and get a job where you're appreciated'."

I'm not sure that's bad advice. If you're talking about office work, there are plenty of workplaces where coming in a bit late wouldn't be a problem and the OP would be happier somewhere like that.

SladeGreen · 03/11/2015 13:01

OP: AIBU not to shower everyday? I can't afford to heat the water everyday so sometimes I have a strip-wash in the sink.

Response: That's disgusting, you should be showering DAILY. You probably smell, do you know how inconsiderate of other people you are?

OP: I can't afford to heat the water everyday, I have £5 a week to live on.

Response: Well how are you affording internet to post on here then? Cancel your Broadband NOW and have a wash!

welliesandleaves · 03/11/2015 13:18

A poster last week was worrying about the large amount of presents the GPs on both sides persisted in buying for their grandchildren, and how to persuade them to stick to small simple presents.

One piece of advice was to cut off contact with GPs who don't 'obey' such requests. Shock

ljrenf · 03/11/2015 13:19

When someone called her grandads VC a useless lump of metal that doesn't do anything. Everyone called her selfish, disrespectful, horrid etc for wanting to have a house deposit instead. It is a useless lump of metal as it doesn't do anything useful and was just gathering dust while someone lived in bad conditions with an unpleasant landlord.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 03/11/2015 13:27

ljrenf No. The poster in that particular thread wanted her parents to sell the VC so she could buy a house, it didn't even belong to her. She was bitter, resentful and a spoiled brat. She got everything she deserved on that thread.

ljrenf · 03/11/2015 13:37

Did seem any of those things to me.

He mum kept saying she wish she could help her, but never considered selling the medal. Ibthibk most grandparents would rather their grandchildren and great grandchildren to have a safe and secure home rather than s lump of metal sitting at the back of a draw/ in a safe.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 03/11/2015 13:44

Are you that poster? The callous way you reference the medal sure makes it seem that way. In any case, that poster was ridiculous, literally everyone told her. So it doesn't deserve to be listed as bad advice.