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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Applied for housing (London) and was rejected

176 replies

PetitDiable · 23/10/2015 11:49

I couldn't find a suitable topic to post this in, so I'm posting here.

I'm nearly 8 months pregnant and living with my mother in a 2 bedroom flat with my two other brothers because my XP threw me out 3 weeks ago. Come December, when baby is due , my two other siblings will return home from university. I am currently sleeping in my sister's box room.

I applied to join the housing register 2 weeks ago, but received an email telling me I'm not eligible. How can this be? Perhaps there are a lack of homes in my borough. It's a pretty affluent area so I wouldn't be surprised. But what am I suppose to do? I can't live in an overcrowded home with a baby. We would have nowhere to sleep once baby is here and my siblings return home.

I have no job. I've just set up a claim for income support. I can't get any help financially from my family. My mother is on a state pension and my siblings are on a low income.

Has anyone been in a similar position?

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 24/10/2015 13:07

Op, I would stay put at your mums for as long as you can, at least until you have had the baby and got through the first few difficult weeks. As soon as the baby is born start applying for child maintainence from your ex if he is unwilling to sort it out amicably. Apply for every benefit you can- The Sure start grant, child tax credits, income support then re-evaluate your finances. Even if you need to try to save the grant towards a deposit on a private rent, then so be it it is there to be used as needed Baby esentials can be bought cheaply from charity shops, borrowed, or got free on freecycle. there is often an abundance of baby things around, cheap and second hand.

Acer77 · 24/10/2015 13:24

Petit, I'm so sorry for your situation. I think there are some good bits of advice on here though - even if it isn't what you want to hear. I think the ladies who are actually working in housing are right. Although you will have a baby you probably don't stand much of a chance of being prioritized for social housing. The situation in London is so dire that there are whole families living in one room who've been on the waiting list for years....
I think you should stay put at mum's. It'll be great to have her support at this time.
Unfortunately if your siblings are in their early twenties they won't get housing benefit and rents in London are so expensive that I'm sure if they are on a low wage it'll be difficult for them to find anywhere. However it's probably more appropriate that they move further away from Ealing to cheaper housing than you moving away from your mum. Perhaps after a while they can look into getting rooms in a shared house to free up the living room so you, mum and baby have more space.
In the meantime you'll have a very cosy Christmas but at least you are with family in a safe environment. It's not ideal but I would say it may well be better than the alternatives....
Good luck :)

Acer77 · 24/10/2015 13:36

www.theguardian.com/society/2015/jun/24/homelessness-england-families-temporary-accommodation-bed-and-breakfast

The sad reality is that if you did make yourself homeless you'd most likely end up in worse accommodation than you are in now.

The housing crisis - in particular within social housing - is only going to get worse with £12bn of welfare cuts putting people closer to the edge, right to buy selling off so much of the social housing stock and very limited amount of new homes / affordable and SH being built.

Sorry Petit but I really think you should stay put and try to get a contribution from your XP to help...

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 24/10/2015 13:52

I can't believe that a fucking shed has been put forward as a serious suggestion for housing. A fucking shed!
How many people have to be living in sheds before we actually do something about this housing crisis??

FyreFly · 24/10/2015 14:09

"I'd rather not live in social housing, because chances are, I would be stuck in a very undesirable area."

Confused OP, if you are lucky enough to be offered social housing, and as many have pointed out on this thread it is unfortunately highly unlikely to happen any time soon, then if you really want it you grab it with both hands, as it's not likely to come along again. "Undesirable area" or not.

I can only reiterate previous advice to go and speak to Shelter, or give them a ring if you can't get there in person. They are an excellent (and independent!) charity which will be able to provide you with thorough advice on your housing options, and what benefits you are entitled to. Go and see the CAB as well, and they will be able to help too. You need to make sure your ex is contributing as he should be for his child. I don't know what your arrangement are with him, or if you have any, but I would recommend going to the CSA - again, CAB ought to be able to help with that. Obviously at the moment you are not able to work, or at least it will not be easy for you to work, but once the baby is a few months / weeks old you will be able to begin looking for a job.

I know it doesn't seem like it, but I really do think that staying with your mum for the time being, where you are safe and secure, will be better than your other options. Once the baby is old enough and you can work again, then you will have more options available to you. It's certainly not an ideal situation, and I know it is not what you imagined; you've been dealt a rough blow and it can't be easy. It might be best for you to take a few days to do some research and collect all the information together, and then you can sit down and try to consider your options in a more objective manner.

FayKorgasm · 24/10/2015 15:09

Petit your situation is terrible and please do ignore the kicking you when you're down posts. You have a few options. Stay at your mums or reapply when your baby is here. You probably will get moved out of your borough but once you have somewhere you will have somewhere to swap.

BoffinMum · 24/10/2015 19:14

Most of us think you are being pretty bloody heroic managing to carry on. Ignore the stupid people who think they know it all.

expatinscotland · 24/10/2015 19:19

'I can't believe that a fucking shed has been put forward as a serious suggestion for housing. A fucking shed!
How many people have to be living in sheds before we actually do something about this housing crisis??'

You can't? In one of the most expensive cities in the world? As a stop gap until they get the money for an extension? Because I would gladly live in one if I wanted to stay with my family in a very expensive area of a very expensive city than move far out, get some dive in a crap area or hole up in some dodgy B&B for months.

It's a viable option and plenty of people are doing it. They can be plumbed and have leccy put in.

Because the FACT is that, in the world's most expensive cities, affordable housing for people to all live on their own is thin on the crowd and very, very scarce.

redstrawberry10 · 25/10/2015 09:11

I can't believe that a fucking shed has been put forward as a serious suggestion for housing. A fucking shed! How many people have to be living in sheds before we actually do something about this housing crisis??

private renters face this all the time. I had a friend move into London. Two of the places she saw were sheds. 600 pcm. To use the toilet, you had to go to the main dwelling.

Yes, it's awful in London, and the government, and by extension us, are entirely to blame.

Grazia1984 · 25/10/2015 09:29

It certainly sounds best to stay at your mother's for now. It is very encouraging to know though that people are hired when pregnant as I was and can work full time very soon after the baby is born. It's hard but when caught between a rock and a hard place sometimes that harder option longer term does you the most good. There may be temporary work you can do from behind a computer screen if you know any friends who need admin work done etc in the 2 months before the baby is born too.

MrsUltracrepidarian · 25/10/2015 12:45

heroic managing to carry on Hmm

BoffinMum · 25/10/2015 14:05

And that emoticon was helpful exactly how?

I know if my relationship had fallen around my ears when I was about to give birth, and I had been booted out of my home, and refused help with housing, and could not realistically find a job that paid enough to sort myself out, and things had come to this, I would probably be lying in bed crying for weeks, not being functional on here trying to work out a Plan B.

Some of you lot have led charmed bloody lives, I reckon.

It's like the shed comments aimed at someone living in her mother's FLAT. Operative word there being FLAT.

Perhaps everyone in housing need should be trying this?

FayKorgasm · 25/10/2015 16:04

Don't joke about the sheds,that's what's happening to ease the homeless crisis in Ireland at the moment. Except they are called modular units. So like trailer parks in America they will have shed parks in Ireland.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/10/2015 17:20

It is really really wrong in these situations, that the father doesn't legally have to do anything more than a small percentage of his wage.
No responsibilty whatsoever.
Women should have their baby, then take them immediately around to their fathers, hand them over and leave. (Not that that'd ever happen).

cleaty · 25/10/2015 17:27

OP will be horribly over crowded. Shelter are the best port of call. But sadly lots of people live in terrible situations are get no help. We need more social housing.

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 05/12/2015 14:31

How are you getting on OP?

TreesInSpace · 05/12/2015 15:21

There was always going to come a point where born and bred Londonders could no longer afford to stay living in their hometown, and if the fact people with higher housing priority than you are sat waiting for years before being offerred property isn't enough of a deterrent, then you must surely realise your only real option is to look for private rented housing, using a Guarantor or the council bond scheme.

Instead of just asking at letting agents or checking Rightmove, you can still search for flats the old fashioned way by looking in shop windows, supermarket community sale boards, asking around who are the local landlords (ask your local corner shop, they know everyone!).
I also once found a flat just by posting a note on the staff room board, although I appreciate that option isn't open you being currently unemployed, you might be able to ask the receptionist at some of the very big local firms if they have such a board you can check.

Just because you may well see a similar young woman with a baby in a council flat in Ealing, you have to shelve the fantasy that will be you anytime soon. She may well have sat it out in grotty B&Bs for several years before being offered that. She may have come straight from prison where they're instantly classed as priority homeless. She may have invisible disabilities that prioritised her. She may be subletting off the actual registered council tenant who lives somewhere else.

It's a shame you can't get to know these people at playgroups when baby is old enough and see if they're willing to advise you on how they obtained their property.

Ultimately, although it seems overcrowded and stressful and not at all ideal, living at your Mum's will be far preferable to miserable years in a council bedsit B&B. Go and check such places out if you don't believe me.

You're in one of the most expensive capital cities in the world. Yes parts of it are so crud-u-like you can't imagine why these a housing shortage, but the reality is people are happy to live in London's crud-u-like regions, rather than move out of the city altogether. Where you are now, at your Mum's, with your current unemployment and family status, is the best you're going to get.

You are nowhere near being 'priority homeless'. You're not even homeless. And overcrowding is no longer a priority factor in real terms.

Stay there, or consider starting your life afresh in another part of the country.
Move to West Yorkshire or East Lancashire. You'll get offered a 2 or 3 bed house instantly as they have 'instant lets', or you can wait a couple of weeks for a nicer area home.

There are some lovely towns up that way. Todmorden for instance. Hebden Bridge.

shutupandshop · 05/12/2015 15:39

Whats the bedroom set up at your mums flat?

YohY · 06/12/2015 09:28

OP hope you contacted shelter who will give you the best advice

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 06/12/2015 09:31

Trees don't you think advice that a new mother with her newborn PFB move from London to Todmorden without benefit of a job, capital, partner, family or other social networks is a recipe for PND?

maddening · 06/12/2015 09:33

Did Xperia have the right to kick you out? If you were both on the tenancy /mortgage then you may have rights there?

Preciousxbane · 06/12/2015 09:49

I would personally see living with relatives however crowded preferable than living in temp B&B. Unless of course there were issues between these relatives. I know people that have lived in hostel situations and it was at times very difficult for them due to other people living in the building/space.

x2boys · 06/12/2015 09:59

Todmorden is indeed lovely as is hebden bridge and whilst it is a lot easier to get social housing oop north i got mine within a yr you still have to have a local connection you dont just get given a house and whilst obviously private renting is alson a lot cheaper than the south alot of landlords still wont consider people on housing benefits

Sallyingforth · 06/12/2015 10:52

I'd want to check what the XP can be made to do to support the child and its mother. Just kicking her out of what was her home shouldn't be the end of it as far as he is concerned.

sashh · 06/12/2015 12:20

How would your mum feel about moving out of London with you?

Quite a few of my neighbours moved up from London when the council offered relocation scheme. People had their moving costs met, they were housed in a home counted as 'equal' so a 3 bed room flat became a 3 bedroom house with a garden, outside London and some cash. And because a number of families moved together neighbours are still neighbours.

I know that's not an easy option and schemes like that are not always open but it might get you a home either sharing a house with your mum or taking separate homes close to each other.

If you do look in to this option check out connections to London, I'm under 2 hours on a direct train to Euston. Todmordon, I think, would be at least 2 trains possibly changing at Manchester.

Link to properties near me - many have no local preference.