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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Applied for housing (London) and was rejected

176 replies

PetitDiable · 23/10/2015 11:49

I couldn't find a suitable topic to post this in, so I'm posting here.

I'm nearly 8 months pregnant and living with my mother in a 2 bedroom flat with my two other brothers because my XP threw me out 3 weeks ago. Come December, when baby is due , my two other siblings will return home from university. I am currently sleeping in my sister's box room.

I applied to join the housing register 2 weeks ago, but received an email telling me I'm not eligible. How can this be? Perhaps there are a lack of homes in my borough. It's a pretty affluent area so I wouldn't be surprised. But what am I suppose to do? I can't live in an overcrowded home with a baby. We would have nowhere to sleep once baby is here and my siblings return home.

I have no job. I've just set up a claim for income support. I can't get any help financially from my family. My mother is on a state pension and my siblings are on a low income.

Has anyone been in a similar position?

OP posts:
PeasinPod1 · 23/10/2015 15:23

OP came on here just asking for some advice. She's 8 months pregnant. Suddenly single. Living in cramped conditions that will only get worse. This is the time other lucky mums are nesting like crazy and making their homes ready for the baby with last minute preparations re. washing/equipment. OP doesn't have that luxury and is wandering how and where she can live at all. Seriously - no need to be so nasty and judgemental.
OP you will get through this but never forget you and your babies health are what is important right now, the moment you meet your bundle of joy you wont be lonely (even if you had to move away from London) you'll always have someone by your side. Smile There are so many free baby groups/drop ins that you can make so many new friends in a new area that way- should it come to it x

ThatWasMyFavouriteDressNow · 23/10/2015 15:38

Alternatively, as a council tenant your mum could apply for an exchange to a larger property

Probably has not got much chance with that.

She has lived in the same 2 bed property for at least 25 years and brought up at least 5 DCs there. Surely she has tried for a larger property in the past.

ThatWasMyFavouriteDressNow · 23/10/2015 15:40

And now she only has 3 (adult) DCs living there permanently.

MrsUltracrepidarian · 23/10/2015 15:47

If the brothers are adults, who have finished uni, why do they not move out? Surely the OP's need is greater and she should live with her mother and the single makes find a house-share elsewhere?
If they are only home for Xmas hols (likely as if they finsihed uni would have been in the summer, not the winter), they surely they can bunk up in the sitting room while the OP and baby have their room?
It sounds as if she is the one with the most convincing case, the family have decided better for her to be 'evicted'?
A previous poster said her friend, who has a 3 bed house was not in an '
ideal' situation' as her dd and grandkids had to live with her. Again, why not - a room for the gran, a room for the mum and the two kids sharing.
People who object to families sharing homes have created the housing crisis. Did when in history (or anywhere in the world now) did single adults expect to have a home of their own = most people live and lived with extended family.
And no-one has commented on the need for the OP to get the baby's father to contribute anything to this Hmm

Babyroobs · 23/10/2015 15:58

Mrs - It's surely not unreasonable for a family to have their own home? My friend who has her dd and granchildren living with her will not see them on the street or in a hostel, but yes it is still not ideal. My friend is middle aged and had got used to their grown up kids having left home. Are you really suggesting that she is responsible for the housing crisis? Since when have grown up adults with their own families been expected to continue to live with their parents? Some families choose to live this way, but I doubt the majority do. When we returned from abroad we lived with my parents for 6months ( me, dh and a baby and a toddler) whilst waiting to buy a house and the stress nearly tipped us all over the edge. Much as my dp's loved their grandkids they had been used to living on their own for over twenty years and it was too much for them. My dm had my 2 year old toddler suddenly sleeping in her bedroom and my 8 month old screamed all night. we felt so guilty for disrupting their normal peaceful life !! Lay the blame at those who sold off all the socail housing, who let rents soar out of control and are not addressing thecurrent crisis.

GingerIvy · 23/10/2015 16:06

I know I'm probably old fashioned, but at least marry your dickhead-in-disguise

The OP would actually be worse off in many ways if they were married.

It's not necessary to belabour the point. Move on. They're not married. Get over it. You aren't the morality police, you know. Hmm

jsku · 23/10/2015 16:09

OP -- I am sorry to have made wrong assumptions about you. Maybe I have sat next to a few too many people who feel entirely entitled to endless public assistance in the Council offices.

If your exP has a 30K job, then child support that he'll have to pay, and some housing assistance from the Council - which you should get once the child is born - you should be able to rent something. But is still maybe not in the area you'd like to be in.

Alternatively, you can get your mother to help with the baby, contribute the child support money to her household, and look for a job sooner than you may have been planning to. This will help you get on your feet faster and will give the best chances in life for your baby.

And I agree with the other posters - your adult siblings coming back from Uni for the holidays should see whose needs are greater!

expatinscotland · 23/10/2015 16:12

This child's father needs to pay up. He can afford a deposit for you on a flat for you and your child and serve as a guarantor. He is legally responsible for supporting his child. You need to start seeing him in that role because the way things are going with this government, the ol' benefits and council house is going to go the way of the Dodo bird.

cleaty · 23/10/2015 16:14

Some posters on this thread should be banned. Totally out of order comments here.

Shutthatdoor · 23/10/2015 16:33

If the brothers are adults, who have finished uni, why do they not move out? Surely the OP's need is greater and she should live with her mother and the single makes find a house-share elsewhere?

If they have no jobs as single males presumably under 25 they will get little or no help whether in a house share or not. The council are even less likely to help them than the OP!

Plus why should they move out it is their home.

Flowers for you OP.

VimFuego101 · 23/10/2015 16:34

He is legally responsible to pay child support, but that's it. Given that he threw a pregnant woman out of her house, I doubt he will feel obliged to stand as a guarantor on a new place. Although morally I do agree with you expatinscotland.

expatinscotland · 23/10/2015 16:37

The other option is to look at expanding the property in the future. Does your mum have right to buy? Perhaps all 6 of you can club together and make this possible, then expand if it is a house. You can also get garden sheds that are insulated and able to have electricity installed.

MrsUltracrepidarian · 23/10/2015 16:50

Shutthatdoor - why should the expect the council to help them? Sheesh. They can get a house share without 'council help'. People really don't seem to have the slightest sense of responsibility for themselves - it has to be 'the council' Hmm

BoffinMum · 23/10/2015 17:14

Insulated sheds?!

FFS.

BoffinMum · 23/10/2015 17:14

They could fucking well live in a tent on Dartmouth but that doesn't mean it's a good idea.

spanisharmada · 23/10/2015 17:17

'No one has commented on the need for the OP to get the baby's father to contribute'

The OP can not be held responsible for the behaviour of another adult, especially one who has made her leave her home at 8 months pregnant.

expatinscotland · 23/10/2015 17:21

'Insulated sheds?!

FFS.'

What's FFS about that? They live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. There are 6 adults in this. If the mum has the RTB they could well club in together, do that and put up such a shed as a stop gap to expand living space.

There are plenty of creative ways to do this. I'd rather live in one than be in private-rented in London and let's face it: her chances of getting a council/HA flat in that borough are vanishingly small. It doesn't mean that's fair, but that's how it is.

Shutthatdoor · 23/10/2015 17:27

Shutthatdoor - why should the expect the council to help them? Sheesh. They can get a house share without 'council help'. People really don't seem to have the slightest sense of responsibility for themselves - it has to be 'the council'

Errrrr I am not saying they do! I am saying that if they are made homeless and maybe haveven no job if just left uni. No money for deposit, like the OP.

Sheesh back at you!!!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/10/2015 17:31

The op has no say at all in who gets dibs on her mothers house.

Because it is not hers and she is not on the tenancy.

Babyroobs · 23/10/2015 17:44

Boffin - My friends dd has an insulated shed attached to their council house, presumably the council gave permission for it to be built. her adult dd loves it, and it gives them an extra bedroom.

ladyrosy · 23/10/2015 17:50

Petit I've sent you an inbox message.

Theoretician · 23/10/2015 19:03

I love that people imagine that a "council house" in Westminster is actually a house, rather than a flat, and that it has a garden to put an insulated shed in.

Rightmove lists 42 pages of "houses" for Westminster, if I judge by the middle of page 21, half of them cost more than 4.3 million pounds. Perhaps the OP's mother should exercise her right-to-buy, and she could buy the whole family a house each elsewhere in the country.

Theoretician · 23/10/2015 19:04

Sorry, confused, it wasn't the OP who was in Westminster... Blush

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 23/10/2015 19:19

People saying OP is a priority are right. But there are more priority cases thsn houses, and some people are MORE of a priority.

I find the whole council house situation bizarre tbh. I definitely think there needs to be an overhaul of the whole system, but you can't do that eithout disrupting millions of people.

OP your best bet sounds to stay put or move away from London and the SE and your support network to find somewhere cheaper

HeySoulSister · 23/10/2015 19:58

Op... If offered a house elsewhere then please take it. Once the refugees start arriving in larger numbers they will be housed in these places instead and you will no longer have that option..... then you can find an exchange nearer to your family, hopefully