About expectations of nursery for a baby

[Saladeeta]

DD has been at nursery for a month now.

Its a lovely charity run nursery.

My elder dd didn't go to nursery till 2.5 so maybe I'm just not used to it. We've moved areas so couldn't use the old nursery. I am hugely respectful of the wonderful job early years professionals do- I'm just not sure if my expectations are wrong for nursery for a baby this age (11 months).

I often got there and despite the weather she's been changed but not had a vest put on, despite spares.
She's come home with quite bad nappy rash, next day they tell me to bring more cream but it turns out they've misplaced it and then not using any despite the soreness.
Key worker often not in the room as covers other parts of the nursery, looks bewildered when I looked concerned.
Different staff members in the room most days, noone gets up to take my baby, even someone does come up,they don't introduce themselves.
I arrive to find her outside in the garden at half five with a streaming cold without her waterproof suit thingy she's got, bottom and legs wet.
Staff pranking each other, laughing about how toys were put in their cars with vodka bottles. This is on site, in front of parents during work hours.
They have put DD to sleep in the bouncer for naps despite me repeatedly asking them not to.
Dirty milk bottles left about over night.
Filthy and I mean filthy bumbo seats uncleaned.
They haven't listened to me about how she eats, IE picking up little bits off the tray at a time and keep telling me how she's a fussy eater and won't eat anything. She's not fussy at home remotely.

Do I need to get a grip?

I'd really hassle for the change to working days tbh. We had this same issue in the summer - I visited a nursery to start settling and it was awful, withdrew DD immediately and kicked up a stink to get our deposit back, and thankfully got a place at an amazing place but on different days. I just emailed my boss saying 'I'll have to change my days from x to y as am having childcare issues. I need to confirm the new nursery place by 4pm tomorrow or lose it, so unless I hear from you by then that the new days are a problem I'll be going ahead'. Then I just did it. Is there more of a process in your place?

So if the bunny's not been taken out of her bag, then are they ignoring your advice on how she normally settles for naps at home?

When my DC started nursery, the staff were keen to find out how we settled DC for naps at home so that they could help them nap at nursery. When DS1 had trouble settling for naps at nursery, they suggested that we bring in a toy or blanket from home for naptime (we hadn't done this initially as DS1 didn't have a favourite comfort toy)

If I'd told them DC needed a bunny for naps and they ignored that, I'd be cross. It's such a simple thing for them to do.

Don't beat yourself up OP.

In addition to looking into every other childcare option available, and juggling work as you can, you need to keep regularly feeding back to dd's keyworker and the manager.

You say that the keyworker is 'lovely'. How does this reconcile with her not ensuring that your DD us adequately hydrated and not making sure that she had her bunny with her for naps?

This is absolutely basic as you say. It's hard to keep complaining, but not as hard as worrying what you're going to find each day at collection time.

Good luck

YANBU at all. Both of my DS's were in nursery from being very young and it was nothing like you describe. You are absolutely right in saying they should look in her bag for her things - the hostility from staff is completely unacceptable too.

Totally understand about work and needing to change days, it's very difficult. Would your manager be sympathetic to you taking a couple of days leave to look into alternatives? Any nurseries near work rather than home?

I now have a childminder which is a lot more flexible but it took me a long time to find her.

I would be very cross about lack of bunny too - as others say it's basic and shows they aren't listening to you about her needs.

This - We have been met with a bit of hostility by rl and some of the other room staff

This is just so shocking.

The idea of leaving my child with people who were unprofessional at best and negligent at worst who then are openly 'hostile' towards you is just chilling.

The room leader, who should be setting the example to other staff is doing exactly that - she's showing them it's fine to send you a message that your meddling is unwanted. What else is she encouraging or allowing?

You gave management and staff a chance to put this right and the big picture has actually got worse.

I don't even think the nursery's response is as good as a sticking plaster. I think they simply have the wrong staff and that is not going to change any time soon.

And this - She isn't sleeping very well there and apparently can't settle as the neighbouring room is noisy. She then doesn't eat much and is grumpy all day.

Ultimately, you don't know what is happening with her, she cannot tell you and there is no basis to trust them to do the right thing. If they are so unpleasant and shameless that they would be hostile to you face then how can they be trusted not to be hostile your DD?

Move heaven and earth to just take her out and please report it for the sake of other children - now and in the coming months. Imagine other mums reading this thread and wondering if this nursery is near them!

It's a guess, but the major diarrhoea poo might well be a normal poo not changed and then wee on top. DD2 once did a poo I didn't notice and then weed. It made a big wet pooy mess because the poo stops the wee from being absorbed by the nappy.

It sounds odd to be having frequent diarrhoea poos at nursery but not at home. If it was related to poor hygiene I'd expect diarrhoea poos at home too, because the bugs causing the diarrhoea would still be in her system IYSWIM.

Pico2's guess about it being wee on top of a normal poo sounds more likely.

The constant cold thing is pretty much to be expected in my experience when lo starts daycare. They are usually sick on and off for about 6 months until they get used to the communal germ fest of daycare.

Could u take some carers leave? Sounds like she has a bug coming on

The more you post about this nursery the worse it sounds. As others have done I'd really urge you to do whatever you possiably can to get her out of there as quickly as possiable. The small steps they've taken would not convince me they are taking you seriously. Shockingly you and your dd (the children in general I'd assume) seem little more than an inconvince to these staff.

They are not meeting her basic needs and that is truely unacceptable. As I said before I think they now veiw you as 'that parent' and are doing the bear minimum to appease you. Although some children don't eat or drink well at nursery, the staff should be well awear of this and flagging up with you rather than you having to work out that she's very thirsty! If they can't be bothered to do something as basic as giving her a drink, I'm sure they won't be promptly changing nappies or checking her bag even if they know a comfort object should be in there.

The way I see it is you have a choice to stay and battle over every little thing your dd needs and risk that even then this won't get done. Or to get new childcare asap. Have you got a new place now if you can change your days at work? If so have you spoken to work about this? It might also be worth telling any other setting about why you are looking to move. In my experice even working in a nursery that always had a waiting list there was often away to accomidate 'emergency' placements of children coming from inadquate care. Usually because parents on the waiting list knew when they needed care for and were on it well in advance. So when needed we might find a couple of days place when deseratly needed.

Please don't feel this is your fault. It's the nursery's, you should expect basic care and by not providing it they have put you in a terriable position, not of your making. Unfortantly it's you and your family who need to deal with the fall out this has created.

OP, I should add - in case my last post came across as critical of you - I agree that this is absolutely not your fault and you did a decent thing by talking to them and giving them a chance,

I really feel for you as I know it's very hard to drop everything without any alternative. Manny employers are not able to support staff in situations like this.

Thanks all for posts. I think the bunny not coming out of the bag for nap time is the last straw for me- they have had bunny around her all the time for the last month, and it went in clean in the bag yesterday. And was clearly unused and still freshly washed when I checked her bag this morning .
I have basically told my boss its an emergency, they need to agree, spoken to the other nursery and dd starts settle in sessions next Monday....!

I hope the bunny business was cock-up rather than conspiracy. Surely no one would stoop so low as to do that on purpose.

Anyway, brilliant news that she can come out.

Move her op, that sounds awful.

I'm really pleased to hear that you are moving her.

Now please, please, please, write down everything that has happened, send it to the manager with your letter terminating your contract with them and share it with Ofsted.

This is a perfect example of why Ofsted should not leave five years between inspections and why genuine no-notice inspections are so important. The reports are subjective and not great indicator of the quality of settings for parents but the inspections do tend to make them pull their socks up on a regular basis and reflect on the quality of their practice.

This setting has clearly been riding on the coat tails of their last inspection for far to long, safe in the knowledge that Ofsted won't be knocking on the door any time soon. They need a rocket under them right now for the sake of all the little ones left behind.

Love your style gold! Yes they bloody do.

So I should write a letter not call up to terminate?

That's sounds awful- I have no experience of childcare for under 3s but I wouldn't leave my baby there.

Hope you find somewhere better soon.

I'm glad you've been proactive and moving her. She sounds neglected. poor baby and for you i've been it postion were dd wS in a crap nursery.

The staff hostility is outrageous.

Oh, OP, I feel for you! I'm so pleased that you have managed to sort it, though. My DS is 12 months and will be starting nursery one day a week in a couple of weeks. He has a bunny and I is very attached to it, especially when he's tired. I am hoping that they follow his cues and give him his bunny. I hope that your DD gets on much better at her new nursery

So glad you've got it sorted! Good luck for the settling sessions next week (they'll no doubt be tough, but just remember you are doing the right thing moving her and you will both be much happier once you're over the initial settling period)

So I should write a letter not call up to terminate?

I assume you have signed a written contract with them although nothing would now surprise me about this setting so, yes, I would terminate that contract in writing with clear details of why you are doing so. If you say in the letter that you would like this treated as a complaint, they will have to demonstrate to Ofsted that they have investigated and responded appropriately, following their own complaints procedure.

Great news, OP. Hope settling in goes well for you both.

Goldmandra is right. Write it all down. Don't feel bad. You were paying them and they let you and DD down really badly.

I spoke to the manager and I do feel bad manager assured me girls would have taken the bunny out for naps and put it straight back in... I've never known them to do this before and usually the bunny never far away from dd. Anyway I told her the end date, she apologised a lot but also said that a big nursery might not be the best fit for me and dd.... I hummed and hawed but said I felt things hadn't really been good enough.

I'm so pleased you're moving her.